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Thread: Everyone is so unsupportive

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Great Britain!
    Posts
    100

    Default Re: Everyone is so unsupportive

    I work in a large college, and I'll be using the nursery there. Luckily, in Britain, we're pretty much entitled to take breastfeeding breaks, so although I won't be able to make every session, I should be able to nurse her at least twice a day.
    We did have the argument I predicted last night, and he's tried quite a bit harder today. That, however, might have been due to the fact that Lilly woke up in the night twice for the first time in weeks!
    Thank you so much for your advice and for listening to me, I really appreciate it more than you know, and I think I'm going to try the direct request route! We'll see how far it gets me. Usually it's a cycle as pp have said, i explode, he gets better, I leave off he gets worse. I don't want to be reminding him all the time, but if that's how it's got to be for now... I guess I adapt quicker than him too
    to all you lovely lovely ladies
    Proud mummy to Lillypig, in love with my best friend and partner, Batfink
    One year done, and still going strong.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    2,349

    Default Re: Everyone is so unsupportive

    I have a lot of the same issues. What has really helped us is a "chore chart" for DH, organized by day (including "chores" like "watch DS while I have 30 minutes of 'sanity' time"). That way he can see what needs to be done (it's posted in the kitchen). I also made one for me, so he can see just how much I do. Actually, it was the second that was the real eye-opener for him.
    Imma to AA, born at home 11/12/07 , juggling , working, APing , cloth diapering , - and . I'm done - yay!

    http://bf.lilypie.com/KmpEm6.png

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    928

    Default Re: Everyone is so unsupportive

    What a great idea with the chore lists!

    One thing that helped DH realise that I need rest and sleep - he saw the difference in how much I could pump: 1-2oz when I hadn't rested or slept well, 9-12oz when I had! For the sake of his baby getting enough milk, he was willing to do more.
    Emma

    J from Aug '06 to Nov '08 and S from April 2009

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    1,520

    Default Re: Everyone is so unsupportive

    From what I've experienced, men (or boys...har har) need to be told EXACTLY what to do. For me, there is no "hinting" or "suggesting" things. Like some of the previous posters, I simply say things like, "I need you to go upstairs and put the laundry in the dryer." or "I need you to take the trash out." or "Here, take the baby for a few minutes so I can take a shower."

    I think most men tend to think that our days consist of sitting on the couch, watching soap operas, and eating bon bons. One day I pumped enough milk for two feedings and left hubby with the kids for four hours. I went and did something just for myself. I got my hair done along with a manicure and a pedicure. That was a real eye opener for him because he got to see just how much work it is to take care of the kiddos. He was really appreciative of what I do after that. Speaking of which, I might need to take another day like that just to refresh his memory. Muahahahahaha...

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Great Britain!
    Posts
    100

    Default Re: Everyone is so unsupportive

    He he, that's brilliant! I know what you mean, just because she feeds every 2 hours doesn't mean you get 2 hours to do what you like! I had to explain that to him once- that a nursing session might take 45 minutes, byt which time I have 1 1/4 hrs ish to get adrink/use the bathroom/clean the bathroom/bathe/get something to eat etc, IF she decides she's going to have a quiet 10 minutes. I would love to do that and pump for her, but she's turning bottle refusal into an extreme sport! Little madam. So stubborn, just like her mummy!
    He has drastically improved over the last few days I have to say, and I am finding the direct approach useful. Before, I asked him- "Do you want to bath the baby?" Now it's "Bath the baby, please," and it works much better. I think he's bonding a lot more with her now as well, as she's just found her giggle, and apparently finds him and everything he does hilarious!
    Proud mummy to Lillypig, in love with my best friend and partner, Batfink
    One year done, and still going strong.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Paris, France
    Posts
    183

    Default Re: Everyone is so unsupportive

    It sounds as though you have it all sorted out! Just wanted to add a few for support - I feel that my dh doesn't really realise that looking after ds is 24hrs a day..... NON-STOP! So you are so within your rights to get frustrated at your partner.

    Hope it stays better!
    -Ishy-

    Married 28 july 2005
    Mummy to my DS , born 30 july 2008
    proud to have BF him for 8 months
    Now a Mummy for the 2nd time to my DD , born 15 june 2012 for 15 1/2months! Still whenever we can and

    DS Stats
    Birth: 7lbs 15oz - 19.5inches
    4 yrs: 35lbs 4oz - 3feet 5.5inches
    5 yrs: 40lbs - 3feet 8inches

    DD Stats
    Birth: 7lbs 13oz - 19.5inches
    6.5 months 12lbs 14oz - 26inches
    9 months 15lbs 13oz
    15months 20lbs 11oz - 30 inches

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