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Thread: Letting go...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    9,280

    Default Letting go...

    I don't think he's going to start up again. He says its "Lucy's milk" now. I've gotten him to latch on, but he won't really suck, giggles about it, and then says no. Of course I don't want to FORCE him to nurse. But LLLadies, I miss him so badly. You'd think a newborn nursing would fill that void...but it doesn't. I want to connect with HIM!

    I want to "trick" him into nursing again by trying to nurse him in the night. But then, I know I'm only doing that for me. I want him to remember how miuch he loved nursing before my milk dried up. Neither of us were ready to stop when I got pregnant, but nature ended it for us.

    I feel like when I nursed Daniel it made up for all the areas in Mothering that I am weak in. Without it I am at a loss. Who are WE when we aren't nursing. I try to tickle him, wrestle with him, play with him, and he loves it. But my body aches to nurse him again.

    Please tell me this will get easier.

    Lyn
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    1,107

    Default Re: Letting go...

    Lyn, I have no advice, but I am sending you a million of these .
    Robin

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Charleston SC
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    Default Re: Letting go...

    heading to bed, will come back and check in on you tomorrow. will he not latch on if you offer? i know this must be so hard on you..

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Default Re: Letting go...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*brittan View Post
    heading to bed, will come back and check in on you tomorrow. will he not latch on if you offer? i know this must be so hard on you..
    A handful of times he has latched on, but only stayed on for about 2 seconds. Each time I have thought of a familiar way he would nurse and offered that way. Example: bedtime, laying on my lap or playtime, sitting facing me on my lap. Both times he "fell for it" but wouldn't really nurse.
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Letting go...

    I honestly do think it will get easier.

    Sometimes I get the urge to nurse my DS at times, and he's almost 6 years old and has been weaned for years! It's that motherly protectiveness and craving for closeness/connectedness.

    Does it help at all to have special cuddle time with D and snuggle him close to your breasts?

    Nursing was not your only connection with D before and it will not be now. For some reason that pic of you and D reading Good Night Moon together just popped into my mind.

    I do think you are too hard on yourself about thinking that you are a weak or insufficient mother. I do understand a bit though, when you have a high needs child that has challenged you, how it can feel like nursing is your saving grace. I've often felt that way with Eva. But she only nurses once a day now and we're still very connected. We play together, read together, make up stories together, cuddle and show affection, go for walks, etc....

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: Letting go...

    I don't have experience just . I read your post and I remembered a story about D walking ahead of you and you feeling sad that he was away from you and growing up, but then he came back and slipped his hand in yours like he read your mind. Anyway my point is that the bond is there! He may not remember the ins and outs of nursing, but he will remember the closeness and the bond that is irreplacable (sp?) that you too will always have.

    I think there is something so special about the bond of a mother and son.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    out of my right mind
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    Default Re: Letting go...

    You never know, he may still nurse yet! In the meantime, you are a great mom, and I agree with Molly that you need to stop selling yourself short! Nursing is a bond that can't last forever, regardless of pregnancy, but you will always be his mother, which will always make you special in his eyes. You are irreplaceable to him. Remember that!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    3,330

    Default Re: Letting go...

    I can really identify with what you're saying. I don't have the pregnancy or second-baby issue, but Thomas has pretty much weaned himself, and it's so sad to me. I continue to offer, but he usually laughs and goes on to play, or asks for water. He sometimes latches on, like you said, for a few seconds, but the last time he really nursed was a few days ago. I struggle with wanting him to because I want him to, and being adamant that I want it to be his call.

    Sorry for adding this ramble; what I really wanted to say is that like PP said, I have no advice, but lots of .

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Letting go...

    Lyn--I don't think you are a mother because you nurse, kwim? It does make up for some of the hard times we have with our high needs little ones, but its not the only way we can make up.

    I felt like Haylee needed milk, though, and she never liked cow's milk as much as breastmilk. She never drank anything else like she nurses, so I know she is getting a ton of calories from breastmilk. So I did "trick" her, but I don't feel tricky for doing it. I just did what came naturally in a moment of tantrum, and it calmed her instantly, and she latched on like she had before she weaned, and when she started getting milk it dawned on her again.

    I don't think you *should* do what I did, but if you want to, I don't think its going beyond childled weaning. Remember, its not likely he would've nursed before the pregnancy. You can't *make* him nurse, but you can encourage him to. I do think you should make that decision for yourself, not based on what I did, though. And I certainly think its a hard enough decision that no one else can even sway it. I just wanted to offer up what I did.

    I am sure it will get easier. But, like Molly said, I think even when he goes off to kindergarten, you will think about nursing him and wish you could make his troubles go away by drawing him to your breast. Sometimes I wonder if Haylee will still need to nurse then, though.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,081

    Default Re: Letting go...



    I think it's o.k. to be sad about your nursing relationship with him ending, just as it's going to be sad when he goes to kindergarten, wants to play more with his friends, starts going to sleep overs, etc. All those steps of independence are hard for moms. It's bittersweet. So talk about it, be sad about it, but remember that nursing didn't/doesn't define your relationship with him as mother and son. You do/have done so much more for him in addition to nurse him. And you will continue to. Try to concentrate on the things you do with him that he enjoys, and find happiness in his happiness.

    I feel sad just reading your post as I wonder how things will go over the next 5 months of my pregnancy with me and Emma's nursing relationship. We have cut way back on nursing and now it's only when she wakes up or goes to sleep. Part of it has been great because I feel a sense of freedom again but the thought of not nursing her at all makes me feel all panicky and just the thought makes me cry. But I *try* to remember that our relationship will go through many changes over our lives and while I can be sad about things that end, I also need to remember all the things we do have together.

    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


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