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Thread: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    55

    Unhappy Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    In response to my husband being laid off, I am about ready to start a job, my first since I had my first child in 2006. I have been a SAHM the whole time. However, I can make more money than him (a lot more) because I have my degree. It makes sense and it is the right thing to do. So why do I feel like I want to cry and cry? I feel like my whole world is over and all I want is to hold my little ones and never let go!!! My dh is kind of worried about being a SAH hubby too and I think we are both so very very distressed! To top it off, I am not sure how well I am going to be able to keep up bfing since I will be away from monday to friday for 5 weeks. I am not just giving up, but it is going to be SO hard. My youngest is 9 months and I feel like I am abandoning her as well as my 2 year old! I just feel terrible. having troubles sleeping and life is just so dang hard!!!!!!! Sigh, thanks for letting me get that off my chest!
    Wife to Timothy (August 5, 2000), Mother to Kaitlyn Rose (June 11, 2006) and Rebecca Abigail (January 4, 2008)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    1,285

    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    Going back to work at any time can be a stressful situation. Try and consider yourself lucky that your LO's will be cared for by their father. It is hard being a working mom, but sometimes necessary. I felt the same way when I had to leave my LO at 3 months to go abck to work. It gets easier with time. Can you pump for your 9 month old while at work?
    Loving mama to S - 11/06, and F - 1/09

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    ITA with Lori.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Maine
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    255

    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is hard to leave your LO and harder when it is not your choice to do so. I remember leaving my first son at 8 weeks and it broke my heart. You are doing the best you can for your family and I hope that knowing that can give you some peace.
    2001 2004 2008

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    17

    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    Going back to work after having children can always be stressful, specially if you haven't worked in a while. Feel blessed that they will be at home with daddy and not in daycare. I just had my 2nd child (he's 8wks old now) and had to leave him in daycare at 6wks old unlike my 1st one that was with a friend of the family that I could see on my lunch hour up until a year ago. Will you be able to pump at work? That's the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I'm still able to provide for my muchkin even though he's not with me.

    Take plenty of pictures with you when you go back to work and be strong. Remember you will have your good and bad days, but it does eventually get easy.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Silverwolf View Post
    In response to my husband being laid off, I am about ready to start a job, my first since I had my first child in 2006. I have been a SAHM the whole time. However, I can make more money than him (a lot more) because I have my degree. It makes sense and it is the right thing to do. So why do I feel like I want to cry and cry? I feel like my whole world is over and all I want is to hold my little ones and never let go!!! My dh is kind of worried about being a SAH hubby too and I think we are both so very very distressed! To top it off, I am not sure how well I am going to be able to keep up bfing since I will be away from monday to friday for 5 weeks. I am not just giving up, but it is going to be SO hard. My youngest is 9 months and I feel like I am abandoning her as well as my 2 year old! I just feel terrible. having troubles sleeping and life is just so dang hard!!!!!!! Sigh, thanks for letting me get that off my chest!
    If you and your dh are both feeling this way, then perhaps this really isn't the right decision for your family. Maybe you'd both be happier if he got another job even though it was a lesser paying job. More money doesn't necessarily make a family happier, or make it run better.

    Another option would be for you to take the job for a very short time until your dh can find something a job that will at least cover the bills. Or for the 2 of you to compromise, and allow him to take a lower paying job and for you to work in the evenings or weekends at another lower paying job so you can continue to be a sahm during the day.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    133

    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)



    I can't imagine how hard it is to face this decision!
    I'm a WOH mom and my DH is a SAHD. It's hard - I would LOVE to be at home, and I think he got more than he bargained for being a SAHD.

    I agree with PP. Suggestions for you: Pump or hand express at work regularly. Bring lots of pictures. When you get home, put your 9mo in a sling/carrier. That'll give you both the re-connect that you need. Make a routine for your evenings and weekends and make sure everyone's on board with it (i.e. get home, take baby, store/prepare milk, wash pump parts, who does dinner, etc..).

    Chores/housework will be hard - make sure you and your DH are on the same page with who does what. It works best to share them; that way neither of you get burnt out.

    It takes a little while to get comfortable with the routine. And, anytime you have things come up that change that routine, it's hard. An unexpected trip to the store can totally ruin my night and my precious time with my LO.

    For your DH: look now for SAHD groups. If there aren't any, contact local Mom groups and see if they are SAHD friendly. Establish a support network for him now. He'll need help with the transition. Watch him for signs of depression. Make sure he gets regular time to himself outside of the house. Discuss with him in advance different activities/strategies/methods you use during the day with the kids. This'll give him a good start.

    The most important thing is to keep communicating. You'll both go through a wide range of changes and emotions, and it takes a toll on you and the relationship. I know that when I start to feel sorry for myself for not being able to be at home, I remind myself that I'm not the only affected, and I try to see things through my DH's eyes.

    Sorry if that was preachy or overbearing. Just trying to help and get things out there that I wish I had been told!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    138

    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    I am with the other poster who said that if you and DH both aren't sure about this, maybe you should look at your options again. I always tell my teens that money is like grease, it makes things go smoother but it isn't the most important thing. Waiting is always an option. Maybe you will feel more at peace with this 6 months from now, when LO is a bit older. I know as good as DH is with the house and kids(he does a ton of housework), he admits he can't handle it as well as I do, men are usually not cut out for such heavy multi-tasking. I know Dh is able to watch the LOs but can't watch the LOs, keep the house clean, laundry done and household paperwork done. You may end up working full time and handling everything else at home too, which would be sooooo much pressure on you. Is there a way you could work part time?
    SAHM mom to 5 daughters-16,15,13,3,10 months Happy Wife to stressed out, overworked husband

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
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    sleepless in ohio
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    Default Re: Sad and Distressed (kind of a rant)

    Sarah- Mommy to Ally (4/16/06) , Katlyn (11/13/07) & Rebekah (10/21/09)
    All three, all natural!

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