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Thread: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    130

    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    I got the same pressure from my partner's mom when my boy was around 3-4 month old. She said I should feed him only every 4 hours, not everytime he wanted breast. Guess what I did, I respected her idea but I continued breastfeeding him as often as he needed. It's my boy and I know what best for him. Now he is 15 months and he doesn't need to nurse often anymore. He's a very happy and healthy boy. So you should nurse your baby as much as you both want

  2. #12
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    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    I haven't read everyone's response closely, but I'm sure I agree I just wanted to add that comments like that can cause you to question yourself or maybe even cause you to resent breastfeeding and I urge you to not let that happen. Your baby is absolutely normal and if you plan on nursing for at least a year (which is a common goal) it is best to nurse on demand as you are doing. During growth spurts, for instance, your son is going to want to nurse more frequently and the more you put him to your breast the more you will signal your body to produce more milk (supply and demand). So, putting your son on a schedule or forcing him to wait to eat can hinder you from reaching your personal breastfeeding goal. You are doing great. Keep following your instincts


    Jeanne (my middle name IRL)


    Mommy to two girls (M & M), born Sept. '07 and Sept. '09

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    303

    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    i agree with what everyone has said so far.

    i when i had DS (i didnt BF him) they ( the hospital + others) wanted him on a every 3-4hrs schedule.
    then when i had dd1 (she was BF/pumped and in NICU 2w)- they wanted her on 3hr schedule. Sometimes wed try to feed her at the 3hr mark and she just didnt want it yet or by 2hrs she was hungry. I wish i had none what i know now with DD2.

    so id go with your gut on this...
    Mommy to:
    Nathaniel 2/28/05
    Boy/Girl Twins: Raymond 17w4d & Candice 5/22/06
    Lana 12/22/07

    Missing Wylder 9w5d
    TTCAL for another nursling!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    21

    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    Thank you ALL for the wonderful support, advice and links for other reading. I just might have to pass along that one for the AAP. I think she would respect that

    In answer to those who have asked if she has children, is a lactation consultant or a pediatrician.... she is not. However she is surrounded by tons of children in her family (cousins) and all of her aunts breastfed. Her mom (who is like a second mother to me) would like to be a lactation consultant because she breast fed my bff until she was 2yrs and has ALOT of advice to offer.... she's not usually around when these conversations occur. All of this gives her more knowledge than I have on baby stuff because honestly, my baby is the only baby I've ever been around since I was like 12 or something.

    That all being said, I see her about once a week for a good 7 hour stretch of time, sometimes more. It's usually when he's ready to eat that she brings up the topic. Her cousin just had a baby (I believe he is a few weeks younger than my ds) and is pumping and feeding thru a bottle and is stretching out his feedings. She said the last time she visited he fussed to eat and they made him wait an additional 45 minutes for a total wait time of 4 hours! He is also arching his back and screaming all the time as if in pain. She said no one seems to know what the problem is and are blaming it on bad behavior. They won't pick him up or let anyone else pick him up when he scream because they don't want him to get spoiled or in her words become a brat. I've balked when she's told me the stories and politely suggested that he might be doing that because of her poor diet and because they are starving him.... but as I mentioned above, in her eyes I'm the one without experience. I do believe she is passing along the information about diet since she saw how I successfully cut out all dairy, soy and seafood and how my baby is much happier as a result.

    It is definitely tough having to dodge the questions and the inevitable of having to tell her that my ds and I are happy with his feeding on demand. I haven't seen my bff in about a week or so but am dreading the questions when I see her next. The last time I saw her she started telling my husband about stretching the feedings since I was brushing off her suggestions. I tried to say (as politely as I could) that it's alot harder to say to do it than actually do it. Especially when it's your child that your essentially starving and having to watch them in pain. Thank God my husband wasn't for it since our pediatrician told us to feed him when he's hungry. I am so thankful that he sees things in black and white

    I AM SO GLAD THAT I DID NOT TAKE HER ADVICE!
    And I am very very very thankful for this forum.


    SAHM and loving every minute!
    Married the love of my life on May 4, 2005
    Jordan Elvis was born on June 27, 2008


    5 months and working on 1 year!

  5. #15

    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jordan-n-mommy View Post
    Thank you ALL for the wonderful support, advice and links for other reading. I just might have to pass along that one for the AAP. I think she would respect that

    In answer to those who have asked if she has children, is a lactation consultant or a pediatrician.... she is not. However she is surrounded by tons of children in her family (cousins) and all of her aunts breastfed. Her mom (who is like a second mother to me) would like to be a lactation consultant because she breast fed my bff until she was 2yrs and has ALOT of advice to offer.... she's not usually around when these conversations occur. All of this gives her more knowledge than I have on baby stuff because honestly, my baby is the only baby I've ever been around since I was like 12 or something.

    That all being said, I see her about once a week for a good 7 hour stretch of time, sometimes more. It's usually when he's ready to eat that she brings up the topic. Her cousin just had a baby (I believe he is a few weeks younger than my ds) and is pumping and feeding thru a bottle and is stretching out his feedings. She said the last time she visited he fussed to eat and they made him wait an additional 45 minutes for a total wait time of 4 hours! He is also arching his back and screaming all the time as if in pain. She said no one seems to know what the problem is and are blaming it on bad behavior. They won't pick him up or let anyone else pick him up when he scream because they don't want him to get spoiled or in her words become a brat. I've balked when she's told me the stories and politely suggested that he might be doing that because of her poor diet and because they are starving him.... but as I mentioned above, in her eyes I'm the one without experience. I do believe she is passing along the information about diet since she saw how I successfully cut out all dairy, soy and seafood and how my baby is much happier as a result.
    Just because your bff thinks she has more experience with children than you do, doesn't mean she does. You have more experience being your child's mother, and more experience breastfeeding your child than she does. Remember that. Babysitting, and mothering are not the same, and are hardly comparable.

    I feel so saddened by your story about your bff's cousin's baby. It sounds like that baby is literally starving, and I wouldn't be surprised if that mom stops breastfeeding soon, stops scheduling feedings, or ends up with a baby who is diagnosed FTT by a doctor (failure to thrive).

    I'd urge you to read this research from LLLi and offer it to your bff: http://www.llli.org/ba/May99.html It contradicts her and her family's "feelings" about how often a child should breastfeed with scientific research, as does info from the AAP about feeding on demand/on cue as well. I think the standards from the AAP are around here on the forum in a conversation somewhere.

    Your bff's opinions sound remarkebly like the ones from an author named Gary Ezzo. He wrote the book "Babywise" and other books both secular and Christian. IF your friend and her family are following Ezzo's advice, this resource debunking his "opinions" might also be helpful to you: http://www.ezzo.info/

    My best advice for handling your bff is to say something like this:

    "I appreciate it that you're trying to help me. I love you for that, but we don't have a problem. My baby is healthy and thriving and we're feeding him according to his pediatrician's recommendations and our own research on the matter. We like things this way."

    If that doesn't end her conversation, you have 2 options. #1. You can change the subject on her everytime she brings it up with something like "Would you like another coffee, tea, soda?" and leaving the room to get it and coming back with a different conversation to talk about. or #2. Be straightforward with her that you appreciate that she's trying to help, but that you don't agree with her advice for your child and tell her you'd like to just agree to disagree and not talk about it. Tell her you really love her as a friend and you'd like to talk about other subjects that you DO agree on instead.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    Glad you are sticking with your instincts. There were a LOT of things I "knew" about how to take care of babies before I had my own baby, and let me tell you I was allllll wrong.

    Try not to dread her suggestions. Prepare yourself for them. Get the info from the LLL, AAP, Kellymom, Dr. Sears, Dr. Newman- all have lots of info that might be helpful. You can present it to her in a nonconfrontational way by saying something like, "Your suggestions got me thinking so I did some research about it and this is what I found..."

    Good luck and even if you can't convince her at least you know that you are doing the right thing for your baby!
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*francis.breadandjam View Post
    Your bff's opinions sound remarkebly like the ones from an author named Gary Ezzo. He wrote the book "Babywise" and other books both secular and Christian.
    Another one is The Baby Whisperer. A big proponent of scheduling. It does work for some babies, but for those that it doesn't work for it can send a dangerous message.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    2,349

    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    Good for you, following your instincts! You are teaching your LO to trust you - because you are meeting his needs now, he will trust your wisdom when you have to tell him "no" about things later. And remember, every baby is different. DS (10mo) still wants to eat every 2 hours or so during the day; my dear friend's breastfed boy (also 10mo) has been at 3-4 hours since 4 mo. YOU are the expert on your LO, and you know best how to mother. I'm so glad that your DH & pedi are on your side! (BTW, there are some great quotes in Dr. Sears that you could use, too.)

    Stay strong, change the subject, and if she keeps pushing just tell her that you need to agree to disagree on this.
    Imma to AA, born at home 11/12/07 , juggling , working, APing , cloth diapering , - and . I'm done - yay!

    http://bf.lilypie.com/KmpEm6.png

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    43

    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    I don't know if your friend has any children or not but BF children eat more often than FF children. I've done both. And as for spoiled, my comment to any whose ever said that any of my children was spoiled was "To leave them be. That's my baby not yours so don't worry about it." But I have a tendency of being mean when someone messes with my babies.

    You know what's best for your LO and you've been doing it all this time. Keep up what you've been doing not what others tell you.

    I'm Tauni
    Wife to DH Jack
    Mother of 3
    Rosie 10//01 Nursed 2 months
    Deante 3//07 Nursed 1 months
    Miya 4/17/08 Still nursing

    I M-F and on the weekend.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    21

    Default Re: Pressure to "stretch out" feedings......

    I feel so much better about feeding my ds on demand now. i've been keeping up with it since you all have replied and the past couple of days have been so wonderful. my lo has been a little more needy lately since he's teething and it makes me feel so wonderful knowing i can be there for him without "spoiling" him or making him have an eating disorder. I already felt these suggestions were not for me, but the support I've gotten from all of you has been priceless. I even showed my dh all of your replies and he is also happy

    Lil Jordan thanks you all


    SAHM and loving every minute!
    Married the love of my life on May 4, 2005
    Jordan Elvis was born on June 27, 2008


    5 months and working on 1 year!

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