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Thread: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lsksam View Post
    What are your other day care options? I'm seeing lots of "red flags".
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  2. #12

    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*naw.pan View Post
    We just had an interview with a new daycare and she said it's better for him to wean so he won't cling to my breast so much as a soother rather than food source. And he won't look forward to getting my breast at the daycare.
    I got very similar advice from several people when my oldest son was in daycare at 4 mos of age. He had done quite well in daycare from 7 weeks to about 4 mos., and then started to be very unhappy and would cry and cry all day. I was told that I shouldn't be going to the daycare in the middle of the day to nurse him over lunch hour ( a 4 mos. old) because he was too attached to me. I was also told that breastfeeding him then was a bad idea, because it was interfering with him being able to attach to the daycare provider instead.

    That really got me to thinking about whether or not that was what I wanted. Did I want my child to know that I was his mom and know that I would meet all his needs? Did I think it was normal and natural for a child to be attached to his mother? Did I think that the attachment my son got through my breastfeeding him was beneficial to him? And what about the alternative...a non-attached child who was formula fed?

    I bet you can guess how I answered those questions....

    Anyway, my point is that I realized that I wasn't ok with minimizing my attachment with my child and giving up the benefits of breastfeeding so that a dcp could actually take my place and attach to them instead. I mean, I wanted my son to love and trust his dcp, but I wasn't about to sacrifice my place for theirs iykwim, and I didn't think that it was right to give up a part of our relationship for that to happen, even though that's what one dcp thought should happen.

    Needless to say, we switched dcps to a wonderful one, and I ended up being a sahm after that.

    My opinion, is that a daycare provider has no right asking you to give up a part of your relationship with your child so that she can step in and take your place. That's how I view a request for me to stop bfing my child in that situation. A daycare provider should instead, be trying to cultivate her own relationship with the child, just like a trusted friend of the family, or aunt or grandma does. Friends and family spend time with the child, they care for them, pay special attention to them, play with them, and in doing so, develop their own unique relationship with the child that is not the same as the mom's relationship with the child. That's what I expect from a dcp, but sometimes that takes some work.

    I'd suggest you find other care if your dcp doesn't want to put forth the necessary work in truly bonding with your child. Your relationship with your child won't interfere with them bonding with your child.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    You might find this about independence from Dr. Sears helpful. http://askdrsears.com/html/10/t131500.asp
    DS 1/2006 9 lb. 2 oz. 22 in.
    DD 10/2008 8 lb, 2 oz. 20 in.

  4. #14

    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*naw.pan View Post
    We just had an interview with a new daycare and she said it's better for him to wean so he won't cling to my breast so much as a soother rather than food source. And he won't look forward to getting my breast at the daycare.
    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*naw.pan View Post
    I want to spend some time with him there too but she said cold turkey is best according to her experiences.
    I'm seeing red flags all over the place. Even the very best daycare provider is not replacing you. It is not their job to tell you what is best or how to raise your child. Their job is to take care of your child the way YOU want.

    As a daycare provider, I can tell you that breastfeeding may not have anything to do with it at all. I have only had one baby ever who was breastfed, but I have several formula fed babies and toddlers who cried all day and had a difficult time adjusting. A good daycare provider will work with you and your child to find the best way possible to soothe your baby and make the transition easier for all involved.

    Don't let someone's credentials on the wall determine what is best for your baby.
    ~Brandi~

    Loving wife to K
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  5. #15
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lsksam View Post
    What are your other day care options? I'm seeing lots of "red flags".
    I live in Winnipeg, Canada and we don't have much choice about daycare here. I believe this daycare will be great for my boy in term that her facility is good, her kids are really nice and she has a lot of experience. The real pressure is not from her but from my partner who has the same idea with her. This makes it even more difficult for me.
    Last edited by @llli*naw.pan; September 26th, 2008 at 01:14 PM.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*francis.breadandjam View Post
    My opinion, is that a daycare provider has no right asking you to give up a part of your relationship with your child so that she can step in and take your place. That's how I view a request for me to stop bfing my child in that situation. A daycare provider should instead, be trying to cultivate her own relationship with the child, just like a trusted friend of the family, or aunt or grandma does. Friends and family spend time with the child, they care for them, pay special attention to them, play with them, and in doing so, develop their own unique relationship with the child that is not the same as the mom's relationship with the child. That's what I expect from a dcp, but sometimes that takes some work.
    you are so right.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    8,272

    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Well - I've found that continuing to breastfeed has been an important part of reconnecting with my DS at the end of the day. Breastfeeding is about so much more than nutrition, its also about bonding and closeness. My DS asks for "mommy milk" as soon as we get home, and for him its a way to be close to mommy and get lots of love and snuggles after being apart for several hours.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  8. #18
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    130

    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lsksam View Post
    Well - I've found that continuing to breastfeed has been an important part of reconnecting with my DS at the end of the day. Breastfeeding is about so much more than nutrition, its also about bonding and closeness. My DS asks for "mommy milk" as soon as we get home, and for him its a way to be close to mommy and get lots of love and snuggles after being apart for several hours.
    I feel the same way too. It's more than just a food, it's love and caring and just everything.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    8,272

    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    Extended breastfeeding fact sheet.

    Perhaps show this to your partner?
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    1,709

    Default Re: Do I have to wean baby because he has to go to daycare?

    I'm also in Winnipeg right now, so I now what you're talking about with the daycare crunch. There are definitely daycares out there that are supportive of continuing to breastfeed. I sometimes sit in the big chair in the infant room and nurse my 21 month old, and they are very supportive, sometimes suggesting it if DS is asking to nurse.

    If you think this place is good in other ways, I would just tell her that you appreciate her advice, but you're convinced that continuing to nurse him is in his best interest. Maybe show some of the literature that others have posted already. Good luck.

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