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Thread: Wean or not to wean?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,393

    Default Re: Wean or not to wean?

    my suggestion is to be firm with in-laws or anyone trying to offer unsolicited advice. Let them know you are doing what works best for your family, and quickly change the subject.
    Do what works best for your family! It's hard to not let people (especially family) get to you. My in-laws are a nightmare, but they have learned to keep their comments and opinions to themselves. I have learned over time to be assertive with them. It's hard, but you are the parent now.

    here is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that I love:
    “Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't.”
    -Eleanor Roosevelt

    With regards to CIO, we have had tons of debates on here about this, but I still will not hold back my opinions. I will have to say that I believe is the most unnatural way to respond to a crying child. Crying is their only way to communicate a need that they have. Even if that need is just to be held. When they cry during the day you don't ignore them, so what makes nighttime any different? KWIM? I do not believe that infants manipulate. Sure, they know you will come when you call, but they are still crying for a reason. An infant does not understand why you are not coming. They do not have some devilish plan up their sleeve to torment you all night.

    Did you know that the original person who coined the term "CIO" has changed his stance on this? Even he says you should not leave an infant alone to cry for long periods of time. Even his methods (Ferber) are very gentle, and involve comforting the child. However, this way of "training" seems to get passed down to generations, and people get desperate and use it. It's hard when so many pp say they use it, and say it is ok.
    All I have to say is do what feel natural and right, and know that there is nothing wrong with responding to your child. They will adjust to sleep as they get older. They will not be a teenager crying every 2 hours at night. These days will fly by.
    This is my personal opinion, but I feel that many of the sleeping issues we all face with in this generation (myself including) might be partially due to being forced to sleep independently too soon. Again, this is my personal opinion.

    here are a couple interesting articles
    http://www.kellymom.com/pantley/pantley06.html
    http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1...enNeedTou.html

    I agree with the pp that night nursing is a great way for the two of you to connect after being apart during the day.
    If you no longer want to night nurse, there are gentler ways to soothe baby, as pp mentioned. I reached an exhaustion threshold at around 8 months, and DH and I decided to take turns. He would rock him back to sleep, and next time I would nurse him. That worked great for us.
    With that said, there are gentle ways to night wean, such as Dr. Jay Gordon Method. We used a similar method at around 16 months when ds could understand alot more. We could explain to him that milkies is sleeping, and everyone in the house is sleeping. We could reason with him, and he could understand more. Sure there were some tears, but he was comforted through them. He was never left alone in a room to cry for long periods of time.
    Now when I am nursing him to sleep at night, he names everyone in the house and says night night (including kitty), and I reinforce by saying "thats right, kitty go night night too". He rarely wakes during the night, but on nights when he cries out for me, I am still there for him.

    I remember reading something by Elizabeth Pantley that said, something along the lines of it seeming like the hardest thing to deal with at the time, but in the blink of an eye they are older, and you forget all about those sleepless nights. If anything, you miss those middle of the night snuggle sessions. Remember, it is okay for them to nurse for comfort. That is one of the wonderful things about nursing, the warmth, love, and comfort that flows out along with the milk !

    Kathryn,
    Mama to my sweet blueberry eyed boy Joshua
    born on 11/2/2006

    and my blueberry eyed baby Jonah Henry...my water birth baby!
    born on 6/15/09



    MOBY WRAPS ROCK

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    324

    Default Re: Wean or not to wean?

    You will find sooo much good info on these forums. So many of these Mommies go above and beyond to help you out!

    My LO is only 4.5 month and my MIL and FIL ALWAYS ask how she is sleeping and if she is still nursing at night and if she is sleeping in her crib. IMO they had their turn at raising their own children now it is our turn and what we do with our DD is our business. We also cosleep and plan to for quite awhile longer. I finally said to my MIL "Do animals sleep separate from their babies?? Of course not, then why are we any different." She hasn't mentioned it since...even though I know she is thinking it.

    I don't have experience with weaning, but IMO I would cherish every nursing moment you have with your LO...even if it is all night.

    I also recommend the no-cry sleep solution book! CIO is very harsh IMO. When babies cry they cry for a reason. I don't believe they cry to manipulate. They don't even know what that is! Being there for your LO will make them feel safe and secure in your arms always.
    Last edited by @llli*kelmarsol; August 5th, 2008 at 05:57 PM. Reason: ETA
    Cosleeping, Cding, BWing, Aping, nonvaxing, Ecing, Tandem nursing Mama

    Breslynn Noelle 3/15/08
    Adalynn Grace 5/7/09

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,393

    Default Re: Wean or not to wean?

    [quote=@llli*kelmarsol;551115] "Do animals sleep separate from their babies?? Of course not, then why are we any different." [quote]

    I agree with this, and we do not co-sleep. Humans are the only mammals that put our infants in a separate room.

    Kathryn,
    Mama to my sweet blueberry eyed boy Joshua
    born on 11/2/2006

    and my blueberry eyed baby Jonah Henry...my water birth baby!
    born on 6/15/09



    MOBY WRAPS ROCK

  4. #14

    Default Re: Wean or not to wean?

    I appreciate your advice and experiences. It helps me understand that I'm not alone. Before I had my son, I swore that we would not co-sleep or nurse over 6 months. I had this assumption that co-sleeping was bad and there's no need to nurse over 6 months. Was I misinformed! I took a nursing class and learned so much. I was really ignorant. I'm so glad I stuck it out because having the patience each day to "get the hang of nursing" is hard when you're beyond exhausted during those first few weeks after delivery. Now, it's a sinch. I love how my son snuggles up to me @ nite when he nurses and I know that it won't last forever. Last nite after speaking with my husband, I decided to make peace with it all and welcome this time rather than trying to fight it, change it, or make everyone else happy (MIL). As soon as I did that, my anxiety lifted about weaning, etc. Thanks Again!!!!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,107

    Default Re: Wean or not to wean?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*rookiemom View Post
    Last nite after speaking with my husband, I decided to make peace with it all and welcome this time rather than trying to fight it, change it, or make everyone else happy (MIL). As soon as I did that, my anxiety lifted about weaning, etc. Thanks Again!!!!


    I was the same way about co-sleeping, I thought I'd never do it and then I kept it a secret for ages because I thought I was doing something wrong until I found the ladies here and realized that all kinds of people do it!!
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Houston Texas
    Posts
    584

    Default Re: Wean or not to wean?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*rookiemom View Post
    I love how my son snuggles up to me @ nite when he nurses and I know that it won't last forever.

    This is what is natural and real- trust yourself. It won't last forever so make the best of it while it does!

    Last nite after speaking with my husband, I decided to make peace with it all and welcome this time rather than trying to fight it, change it, or make everyone else happy (MIL). As soon as I did that, my anxiety lifted about weaning, etc. Thanks Again!!!!
    Society tells us that our babies should sleep; but science says it happens when their bodies are ready for it. Some don't until close to 2 years of age and have cut all their teeth. Trust that your child will when they are mature enough... until then just let the comments slide or simply say " No LO doesn't sleep thru the night yet thankful because after a busy day away from each other it is so peaceful to reconnect! Enjoy those moments when the world is quite and calm and it is just you, baby and hubby lying next to one another bonding and becoming a close and loving family. I do diagree with one of the PP on the cry it out method... I firmly believe if you let a childs cry go unanswered they learn they can't rely on you to meet their needs. Remember there is a reason why they cry- the reason is irrelivant!!!!

    Your doing a wonderful job, I can't stress trusting your heart anymore! I should know I have 3 of my own and 1 step and one on the way!
    wife , mom, maid , cook , taxi. All in a days work

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