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Thread: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    SW Ohio

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    Hey mama, Just wanted to send some your way!

    You have already gotten lots of great advice from the pp's, just wanted to add a couple more things. My DD also had reflux, and Zantac didn't work for her. The only thing that worked was Prilosec (generic name: Omeprazole), so you might consider asking your pedi about changing your LO's meds.

    Another thing... my LO was also VERY fussy when nursing. A couple of things I did... First of all, I would nurse her the VERY second she started to wake up from a nap. Seriously, I would stalk her while she was napping, and as soon as she started to stir, I would snatch her up and latch her on while she was still waking up/drowsy. This helped tremendously. I even got my DH in on it, as in, when he would see the baby waking up, he would alert me immediately by asking, "MJ is waking up, do you want to nurse her??"

    Another thing I would do... Sometimes I would nurse her while standing up and rocking/bouncing her. I'm sure it was quite the funny site (DH probably got a good laugh), but I would have my breast out, and have my LO in a cradle hold while bouncing/vigorously swaying back and forth. Sometimes I would have to put my leg up on a chair or something to support her while I swayed (this probably sounds really bizarre), but often times the motion would calm her enough to get her to latch on.

    One more thing, my LO LOVED to be swaddled when she was tiny. Sometimes swaddling her and getting her calmed down by using her paci and rocking/swaying with her while loudly "SHHHHHing" would REALLY help (have you read "The Happiest Baby on the Block"?)

    I think when the LC told you to use a sling, perhaps they meant just for wearing your LO around during the day? This places them close to your breast and "reminds" them it's there, so he might be more willing to nurse more often... You also might try some skin-to-skin time where there's no "pressure" for him to nurse, just nice, relaxing, snuggly time with you and him. It might encourage him to latch on... might be worth a try? You never know? Maybe a nice, warm bath for you and your LO while your MIL watches the toddler??

    Honestly, even though you may have gotten some advice that you think probably won't work, it never hurts to try it! My motto is I'll try anything once... you never know what strange technique might get your LO to nurse without fussing! I have done some pretty bizarre things to get my LO to nurse, and our nursing relationship was VERY rocky in the beginning! Now at 10 months, everything has gotten MUCH smoother, thank goodness!!

    Good luck mama, I hope things improve for you soon!
    IRL all my friends call me Buff, Wife to CB since 10/11/2003

    Mom to DD - "MJ" born 9/2007 @ 8lbs 10oz, 21.5" She's 6 years old!
    My journey nursing MJ started HERE, but we got through it and she breastfed 19.5 months, self-weaned on 5/17/09

    Mom to my current nursling, DS - "ME" born 10/2009 @ 10lbs 1oz, 22.25" He's 4 years old! And yup, he's still nursing.

    Ask me about my successful VBAC! Click here for my birth story.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Good ole ATX y'all!

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    I went through a time in the beginning with my DS too. Mastitis, OALD, oversupply. And it all took it's toll with our relationship. Added to that, like you I imagine, I wasn't sleeping enough with the frequent night waking that little babies do. Too little sleep will really effect your mood.

    One thing that I did with my DS to help us "like" eachother more (and that I didn't read in the previous postings but I could have missed!) was to take a nice warm (not too hot for little baby skin!) bath together. The skin to skin contact is really magical. And DS nursed in the bath too. I noticed after the bath I would feel those motherly hormones kick in and though it was still hard, it somehow helped make it a little easier.

    Good luck to you!
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and

    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    @llli*proudmamaof3 - your Evan and my DD E. have the same birthday!

  4. #14

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    Thanks to you all for your suggestions. I really appreciate your advice. It's been very tough the last few days. I realize that ds may be teething (I think he is) but he hasn't been teething since he was 2 months old, right? I just know this isn't normal nursing behavior. Take today, for example:

    5:45 am nursed
    Attempted to nurse again 9 am-refused
    Offered bottle-took 3/4 oz
    Noon-Latched on 22 times, yes, I counted! Took 40 minutes to get him to only take 5 minutes. Fell asleep, laid him down and he woke up crabby, but wouldn't nurse
    2 pm-Literally passed out and nursed ok (10 min one side), but was so sleepy he didn't actively suck enough to get a good feeding. Laid him down, woke up.

    I weighed him just now and naked he's 14.12. He was 14.7 three weeks ago today and was 14.14 a week ago today. So, he's either lost weight or at least hasn't gained any weight in a week.

    I know some have said not to worry about the weight gain, but it's hard not to. He's following the exact same pattern ds#1 did and he eventually fell off the charts for months and months. Everyone kept saying to keep BF that I shouldn't look at the charts. Well, he's so tiny to this day and it's not in his genes to be that small.

    So, at what point do I start worrying and think about supplementing?

    I've decided that I need to at least get him to take a bottle at this point. If I can't, I'm going to literally lose my sanity. How do I get him to take a bottle?? I offer it and he'll take maybe an ounce at the most. I've tried all sorts of bottles including the breastfeed bottle.

    A PP asked: Can you talk more about the things you idealise might happen if you "quit" nursing?

    -That it will help us to know if he is reacting to my breastmilk or not.
    -That I will be able to see if I am unnecessarily medicating him for reflux when it could be that his symptoms are from OALD or food allergies
    -That he will be able to sleep better since he won't be nursing to sleep, only to wake up due to burps, hiccups or bm's
    -It could help him gain some more weight so he doesn't end up following the same path ds#1 did (he's already trending the same way)
    -I would be able to feed him in the living room while I'm also able to watch and spend time with ds#1
    -It would give me a break
    -It would enable me to eat a normal diet, instead of this crazy elim diet that is making me crazy!

    At this point I'm thinking maybe I should start pumping and only offer breastmilk in a bottle for a few days and see if that makes a difference. Then I might know if it's just OALD that's bothering him. If that makes no difference, then I could try formula for a week (while pumping to maintain my supply) to see if that makes a difference.

    What do you all think?? I'm seriously so tired of this and really don't want to wean him either. I know I need to get help for my PPD, and I am, but I also need to try some other measures to help with our nursing too. Just b/c I'm feeling better won't change the fact that I'm locked in the nursery all the time.


  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    If you are this frustrated and depressed, why not use formula and a bottle at least temporarily to see what happens? You can still pump (sounds like it would take less time anyway) and keep up your supply in order to nurse again when you are feeling better. You need to take care of yourself, too, or you will be no good for lo. JMHO. I wish you the best of luck and hope you are feeling better soon

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2007

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    have you tried something that is not a bottle? like cup or spoon feeding or syringe or something?

    is there any possibility that he has a physical issue, such as tongue-tied?


  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Patchogue, LI, NY

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse. I have been in the same situation for the past 5 months. My son started at 3 months and he is now 8 months. He will only nurse when he is going down for a nap, or to bed for the night, or in the middle of the night. He will only nurse in my bed, laying down, with no distractions whatsoever and he will still be on and off my breast repeatedly. I have done so much research into the situation and spoken to many LLL leaders and 2 lactation consultants. I am still in the same situation except I think I have come up with the answer, but don't really have a solution to it. I had a problem with overactive letdown and oversupply which would cause him to choke and projectile vomit, this wasn't corrected and he developed a negative association with nursing and on top of that he is very very highly distracted. I am now dealing with a low supply from his bad nursing habits. I've started to accept the fact that this is how he is and there isn't much I can do to change it. Accepting it has made me feel much better. I suggest maybe you see a lactation consultant to see if she could help correct your situation.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jul 2008

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mama-cpa View Post
    You need to take care of yourself, too, or you will be no good for lo.
    I agree. B/F, pumping, formula...none of that matters if you don't feel right. Take care of yourself, because in the end, that is what makes you and your family thrive.
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    Our precious early angel

  9. #19

    Default Re: Unhealthy nursing relationship-need some serious help

    I am so sorry for all the stress you are experiencing right now... Wow. Please remember to take note of that -- that you are undergoing an incredible amount of stress in your life. Just acknowledging that is so important for your own mental health.

    I noticed that someone suggested using other methods of giving him breastmilk, like from a spoon or cup, and I personally agree that it is a good option to try. Perhaps you could eventually find a method of timing the use of a cup combined with nursing in a way that will work for both of you. You can even hand express milk into the cup if going back and forth between breast and cup is what works, thus relieving your full breasts a bit, cutting down on the OALD, and being able to remain in contact with your ds as you switch between the two.

    I would also be interested in knowing if there's something going on in his mouth that makes sucking uncomfortable. Did your 3 old have any dental/oral issues? It might be worth a conversation with a pediatric dentist, just to find out about some of the things that can cause mouth pain in infants, because there's much more than just teething that can cause challenges.

    Finally, I think the sentiment that you need to take time to care for yourself is essential. Is there any way that your MIL can watch both children for brief periods of time to allow you to just step outside without any children and take a breath and get back in touch with yourself, if only for few minutes? It can make a world of difference in your perspective, even if the external situation remains the same...

    Please keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you often...
    Mama to Lorenzo, born 4/25/2007. NICU graduate, Gastro-Esohapgeal Reflux, Obstructive Sleep Apnea, Sensory Processing Disorder...alive and thriving thanks to breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

    Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt the person doing it.
    Chinese Proverb

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