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Thread: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    ive done the whole dodr for a long time now.....but.....as he gets older (26 mo) i find myself refusing alot more....sometimes he is totally ok with it....other times a distraction is needed...i can pretty much read his cues...if hes bored/hungry/thirsty.....i havent ever refused (except when we stopped nursing to sleep) and had it result in a full blown tantrum or anything...
    but i think for the smaller ones its an easier thing to follow....there comes a point when its almost impossible not to refuse at times...

  2. #12
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    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    DODR is only one method of motherled weaning. Strict childled weaning would allow the child to nurse whenever he or she wanted to nurse. But I certainly don't think that setting limits on nursing when you know there is another reason for him asking is a bad method. That would probably be called redirection, which is another method of motherled weaning. Natural weaning, IMO, is probably a combination of all weaning methods--mother and child led. I see a lot of mammals in their natural setting, and the young rarely wean themselves.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


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    227.5 miles on my new shoes
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  3. #13
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    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*moose View Post
    I see a lot of mammals in their natural setting, and the young rarely wean themselves.
    Most of the time they are summarily kicked off the tit, and out of the house/den.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
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  4. #14
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    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    We basically did our weaning this way (dodr)... It worked for us just fine to start - I knew we were at a point that DS wasn't really getting anything anyhow - so I knew he was doing it for comfort. I got to a point where I felt like "I just have to stop this already - this is silly - how is this a benefit to him?" and really felt at a crossroads. I had a very wise friend ( ) tell me, basically, if I felt comfortable continuing I should, if I didn't I should stop. Simple enough but hearing the words from her mouth made my decision all that more easy. I went ahead and allowed him to nurse the next time he asked and little did I know that would be his last time. But I am so thankful I listened to my heart (and my friend).

    My point is really reflect on the way you want the weaning to go at this point - you both communicate well with eachother... advanced language skills or not
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  5. #15
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    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mothersky View Post
    Most of the time they are summarily kicked off the tit, and out of the house/den.
    This reminds me of cats we had when I was a kid. There was always that big goofy cat who was nursing well after the rest of the litter had been kicked off...I can remember little Mama putting the smack down on him.

    Or I think of her trying to walk off with all the kittens dangling from her chest and tummy. So cute.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

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  6. #16
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    Charleston SC
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    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    well said, this is a 2 person game, if one wants out its time for a change.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    I think moose and grizzlies have, perhaps, the gentlest weaning, and they nurse their babies for 2 full seasons. Its really amazing to see elk wean their young. Its like a few times a day the mama is tired of it so she just off and kicks her baby. But he/she is still allowed to nurse a couple times, and in years of tough times, they nurse longer.

    And Eme--Leo hasn't nursed again, huh? I'm so glad you let him that one last time. Now you REALLY know in your heart he was ready and you don't have to doubt it. I can't believe he's done, though. Why, I don't know. I just can't.

    And, we should talk. I seem to have misplaced your digits...

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,272

    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    I appreciate all the comments and sharing of experiences.

    A clarification in response to a question above - I posted not to get advice about what my DS and I should do, but as a discussion question.
    Last edited by @llli*lsksam; July 21st, 2008 at 03:03 PM. Reason: clarification
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    8,272

    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    "Devils advocate" question - if it is okay to "ride out" a toddler tantrum / frustration episode when the LO doesn't get what they want (see this thread), why doesn't this apply when the tantrum / frustration episode is because a nursing request was refused?
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,255

    Default Re: thoughts on "don't offer, don't refuse"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lsksam View Post
    "Devils advocate" question - if it is okay to "ride out" a toddler tantrum / frustration episode when the LO doesn't get what they want (see this thread), why doesn't this apply when the tantrum / frustration episode is because a nursing request was refused?
    That is an excellent question - I'd love to see the answers!!!

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