I went back to work about a week ago, and am finding it to be pure hell. Being a small store, there is no lactation room, which is completely understandable. However, the break room isn't really a break room, it's just a section of the back room where everything is stored, and anyone inside this "break room" is clearly visible to whoever enters the back. I'm debating on whether or not to pump in the bathroom. Does anyone else do this? Last time I tried not pumping at all and found myself aching up to the armpits by the time I reached home.
To make matters worse, the day before yesterday, Soren's daddy hands me the diaper bag when he drops him off back at my house - with the milk I had expressed still in it. He said that since the baby didn't want to sleep, he thought feeding him formula would help. For some reason or another, despite the first bottle of formula not seeming to help, he continued giving him formula anyway... He knows exactly how I feel about that too, and did it anyway. I don't want to leave Soren with him anymore, for that reason, and because he doesn't feel it's necessary to pick him up unless he's been crying a little while. However, denying a father a right to see his son feels wrong.
I just wish I didn't have to work, so I could take care of my little one until he's old enough to entrust to another's care. I can never really trust anyone other than myself to make sure he's safe and well cared-for.