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Thread: Don't know how I can do this

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    28

    Default Don't know how I can do this

    I just need to write. I'm not sure if this is the right forum to be posting in really but I am not in the right frame of mind to worry about it too much. If you are reading this, please post your ideas, I am in need of some reassurance. We are trying to work towasrds my dh being able to seettle our ds age 16m at night, they take expressed milk, read stories and altho there are tears, it is usually not too bad. right now they are trying to resettle as bill woke as he often does this time of night. he often wants milk and so dh has 4oz in a bottle. just now i am listening to my dh trying his very best to soothe with bill screaming and crying and getting very high pitched. i feel like i am being tortured. i never wanted to put any of us through this. i tried to talk to my mum about it but she is real old-school and can't quite see why i have issues listening to my son cry, also dh feels that i undermine him and am making it unfair if i intervene. please tell me how i reconcile this. this goes against every instinct i have, i simply feel that we are teaching my son that i will not come no matter how distressed he gets, everyone else tells me that is what he wants and that i am letting him manipulate me - dh just wants to be able to comfort his ds. what do i do here?
    "You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you" Kahlil Gibran

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Not around here as much :(
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    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    Can I ask a question. Is there a reason you're trying to wean him at night right now?
    Click here to find an LLL leader near you...or call 1 877 4 LA LECHE for help now.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
    Emerson


    Ban the bags. ......... Watch your language. ....... Help keep Dr Newman's clinic open!

    We demand that our childcare providers are CPR certified... why don't we demand the same of ourselves! Get certified!

    I lost 22 lbs in 8 months... with a bit of determination and common sense information from this book.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    we're not, that's part of my problem. i guess i am scared that it could prompt a strike or even cause sudden weaning - i don't want him to feel rejected. i am doing this because dh wants to do it.
    "You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you" Kahlil Gibran

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Not around here as much :(
    Posts
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    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    I see -that can be tough.

    Is your DH a reasonable fellow? What is he saying are his (dh's) 'needs' for this?
    Click here to find an LLL leader near you...or call 1 877 4 LA LECHE for help now.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
    Emerson


    Ban the bags. ......... Watch your language. ....... Help keep Dr Newman's clinic open!

    We demand that our childcare providers are CPR certified... why don't we demand the same of ourselves! Get certified!

    I lost 22 lbs in 8 months... with a bit of determination and common sense information from this book.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Not around here as much :(
    Posts
    12,132

    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    I need to run - but I wanted to levae you with some links. SOmething some where may help you and or DH through this.. Basically is DH is a reasonable fellow you can let him know continuing to nurse your son will be to his benefit - in many ways - especailly emotional.. DH will be able to sooth him in time- but when they're little they do tend to want mama more - and that is not to slight their daddy.





    Some weaning resources can be found here.

    Some reading on the benefits of extended nursing can be found here.

    Some night weaning resources can be found here.

    Some information on babies sleeping through the night can be found here.
    Click here to find an LLL leader near you...or call 1 877 4 LA LECHE for help now.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
    Emerson


    Ban the bags. ......... Watch your language. ....... Help keep Dr Newman's clinic open!

    We demand that our childcare providers are CPR certified... why don't we demand the same of ourselves! Get certified!

    I lost 22 lbs in 8 months... with a bit of determination and common sense information from this book.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    dh is very reasonable. i understand his reasons really. i teach yoga part time, so every tues evening i am out 6.30-8pm and every other mon evening from 7.30-9pm. he wants us to have bedtime now so that he can relax in the evenings after work and so we can have some time on our own - truthfully, i'm not entirely happy about this idea. anyway, he has had a couple of times where ds has been upset whilst i am out, usually they can get by on expressed milk and distraction with playing or going to the park - i'm happy for that to continue but dh feels that he should be able to settle dh off to sleep whilst i am out teaching - i really don't care if he is up and playing, especially since his natural body clock seems to be to want to go to sleep about 9pm anyway - it already disturbs me that we are interfering with his body clock to try and suit *our* needs. i have very much had my say on the way we do things and my family have not always understood or agreed, dh has always supported me, and i feel that i should let him have some say but i am finding this very tough, it breaks my heart but if i intervene now, he will be very hurt and angry. right now, ds is still awake and clearly distressed. i am on here to keep my hands busy and my mind slightly off it all, but i have a tightness in my chest and throat that i know means i am way off my instinctive mothering path right now. i just want to be supportive and cooperative with my dh as well as doing what i feel and believe is right for ds.
    "You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you" Kahlil Gibran

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    NoVA
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    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    mama

    I would suggest a heart-to-heart with him. There has to be a compromise and a better way to do this. It's not working for him your/baby's way, and his way is not working for you/baby.
    How about starting bedtime a half hour earlier than normal, and then gradually work your way up from there? A three hour difference is a pretty big difference so he might get better results if he tried slowly.
    Does your DH need more time with YOU? Does he need his own down time away from everyone? Getting to the root of what the problem really is, and then SLOWLY working your way towards what your goal would be could work for you guys.
    Jessica
    LLL Leader

    Breastfeeding is an instinctual and natural act, but it is also an art that is learned day by day.

    Visit LLL of Ashburn PM's Blog!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    Thanks to you both for your replies. I really needed to get it off my chest, or I knew I was going to explode at dh the minute he walked back in the room. I stuck it out, and then we had a good long chat about it. Actually, as hard as it was, dh and ds seem to have made a break through - after dh got him off to bed last night, he also successfully settled ds several times through the evening as well, without tears or screaming. I still feel slightly uneasy when I think about it too much, but we seem to be somewhere on the midground now, and I think that we might have found our way through. I guess also that now dh feels more confident and can settle ds, we have one less skill to learn before we conceive no 2! thanks again xxxxxx
    "You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you" Kahlil Gibran

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    NoVA
    Posts
    1,535

    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    I'm glad that you guys have found something that works for your family!
    Jessica
    LLL Leader

    Breastfeeding is an instinctual and natural act, but it is also an art that is learned day by day.

    Visit LLL of Ashburn PM's Blog!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    122

    Default Re: Don't know how I can do this

    Try to remember that even if DS cries, he is in the arms of a loving parent. He and Daddy will work it out.

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