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Thread: DH want me to wean...

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    201

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    I was breastfed until I was 2 and I don't remember nursing, nor did I turn out socially "wierd"...at least I don't think!

    What I do remember is having a very close, trusting relationship with my mother that I still benefit from as an adult. When I was a teenager, I didn't make half the stupid mistakes that I could have, and I credit my strong relationship with my mother for at least part of that.

    It sounds like you have tried to educate your dh, and he is not open to that at this time. In that case, I would let my words be few at this point and allow the proof to be in the baby. Six months is a long time for a person to change his mind, and the breastfeeding relationship does change over time. Hopefully, as he sees your baby grow and thrive on your milk, and how happy and well adjusted your dd is, he will change his tune, or at least stop whining and trust your judgement.

    We're here for you.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    1,197

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    Quote Originally Posted by swanny View Post
    He thinks that it will cause dd to have social issue when she is older. He also is afraid that it will be disturbing to her if she remembers bfing. He also thinks that pumping takes up too much of my time and stresses me out- It does to some extent, but I really dont mind the extra work most of the time.

    I try and include him by pumping and letting him help out when he is around on the weekends, but he usually only feeds her half a bottle and then asks me if I want to finish feeding her.

    I think the year mark was a compromise in the eyes of my hubby... I dont want him to feel left out, but I think that it just disturbs him. He has been very hands off since we found out we were preggers and it hasnt gotten any better these past 5 months. I have tried talking to him about it, but he is very stubborn and it usually just leads to an argument...
    First of all, your husband has not idea what he is talking about. The idea that if a child remembers BF s/he will have social issues is a totally baseless and ridiculous idea. In addition to that children don't remember anything that happens before 3 years of age (for instance children who are adopted before 3 think their adoptive parents are their birth parents unless they are told) so even if the ridiculous logic of remembering BF leading to social issues were true, the upper limit for BF would be 3 years old not 6 months old!!!
    The fact that he doesn't help you with the care of the baby, cannot even finish giving a bottle yet pressuring you to wean doesn't make sense at all either. One has to pay his dues in order to have a say in something. You pay and you say, IYKWIM.
    Having said that, I cannot tell you what to do, how to approach the issue since if I were in your shoes I would directly confront my husband about his ridiculous ideas, tell him that nursing is something he doesn't have a say in and that he should bug off. But that's just me because I really don't care about my marriage being ruined. For all that I care a man who doesn't care about the well-being of his child and who doesn't respect my ideas and wishes about this issue can go to hell. Of course every woman's situation, feelings and personality are different so you have to figure out how to deal with it on your own terms.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Not around here as much :(
    Posts
    12,132

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    Yep - I agree with the previous poster that mentioned if DH isn't giving it 100% too, he doesn't get a say. At least thats how I feel about parenting. He can't just sit back and call the shots. He has a fear, that is not based in truth. It's based in culture (this icky one at that ) and you can maybe bring it up to him later again and say "you know, according to the literature I have come across, it is really best to continue this for x, y, and z reason". If he still gives you crap about it - ask him to do a bit of research and see what he can come up with. Doubt he'll do it - he's probably just hearing things and worried about things that aren't ,as I said, based in truth.

    How does your pedi feel about it? Sometimes they are a VERY useful tool in this scenario.

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  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    96

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    I was going to say just that- what kind of pediatrician do you have? Are they on your side? If not, would you be able to find one that is and who will in front of your husband, congratulate/encourage you that you are breast feeding?
    The woman who BFed her 2yr old at church, is she someone he knows/respects and or someone you could befriend for support?

    Might he be open to couples counsling, not soley under the guise of breast feeding but for other issues that might be going on?

    There is a recent report that breast feeding raises IQ. That might be an article you could print for him, or leave it somewhere to catch his eye. It would be hard to argue that one would prefer their child to have a lower IQ....no?
    Mimi's mum DS #1(19/2/07) DS #2 (21/11/08)


  5. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    102

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I think that I will just lie low for awhile... We shall see what happens come december.
    Reagan Allison
    Born 12/29/07
    7 lbs 3 oz
    Goals:
    Nurse 1 month
    Nurse 3 months
    Nurse 6 months
    Nurse 9 months
    Nurse 1 year

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    192

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    My dh gave me an ultimatum to wean my dd at 1 year and I was so hurt and devastated. The ladies on this forum helped a lot. But I just laid low for a week or so and let him know calmly that I was going to bf dd until she weaned and I would really appreciate his support. He's ok with it now, he just thinks our dd is too dependent on mommy's milk which I think is hog wash. Our compromise was to wean her at 2. We'll cross that hurdle if need be when we get there. Until then, I'm just loving our extended bf relationship.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    I agree with a lot of what pps have said. I just want you to know that I have been there to a degree as well and made it through. I had originally said I would nurse DD1 for one year but when the time came I realized we weren't ready. When we were driving home from her one year b-day party my DH basically confronted me about it and we had a pretty bad fight.
    After many arguments, I finally just laid it on the line and said (1) we had a common goal in the best interests of our DD, (2) continuing to BF was in her best interest, (3) unless and until he could prove to me that continuing to BF was not best for DD, I was going to continue to do it and (4) it hurt me really badly that he could not support me in giving DD my best, but that I would continue with or without his support. More was said but those were the main points.
    I counted on my DH being a reasonable and compassionate person. If your DH is not, you might have more problems. The fact that he compromised to one year is a good sign IMO. We all learn on the job as parents and he might just come around on his own.
    I agree that at this point it might be best to lay low and let your baby be the proof. I also agree that your nursing relationship with your baby will most likely change a LOT in the next several months.
    In my case, DH has become much more accepting and pretty much left the decision to me. Every once in a while it becomes a touchy issue again, but much better than before.
    This is a very emotional issue and I can understand why you are upset!

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

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