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Thread: DH want me to wean...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    102

    Unhappy DH want me to wean...

    So my DH wants me to wean our DD at 6 months. So far I have talked him up to 1 year (by showing him the money we will save by not using formula). I thought that I would be okay with stopping at one year, but now I am not so sure. I really would like to bf longer- until dd choses not to nurse on her own. I am realizing this more and more every day. I know that I still have quite some time until the year mark, but I feel like time is short to convice my dh that it wont be damaging to our daughter.

    I was at church on Sunday and a mom and her 2 yr ds came in the mothers room to nurse. When they left I was practically in tears b/c that is something that I want. I dont want to prematurely wean my dd. I love bfing even though it has its trying moments.

    I just dont know what to say to him- if anything. Should I just wait until she is a year old and then keep going like nothing has happened and wait for him to say something? We only ever argue about how to raise dd and I dont want it to ruin our marriage, but I feel very strongly about bfing too. I have tried to show him extended bfing articles and he just says that there is no hard evidence and all the women who bf longer than 6 months are crazy. I totally dont agree...

    I just guess that I am looking to vent and for support. My mom is the only one in my family to bf and she did it with each of us girls for only a year. She thinks one year is plenty and any thing further is overkill. My MIL ff all 6 of her kids (and I live with them currently) so there is no support whatsoever there. (Any talk of bfing she takes as an attack on her chosing not to)...
    Reagan Allison
    Born 12/29/07
    7 lbs 3 oz
    Goals:
    Nurse 1 month
    Nurse 3 months
    Nurse 6 months
    Nurse 9 months
    Nurse 1 year

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    9,280

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    Do you know why your husband wants you to wean? Is he feeling like you don't have alone time? Is he feeling left out?

    I would share with him that nursing is going to change. It is not always the demanding relationship it appears to be during the first few months. After 6 month it will change quite a bit, and after a year it really changes and its okay to set some nursing boundaries perhaps as a compromise with your husband.

    Lyn
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    102

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    He thinks that it will cause dd to have social issue when she is older. He also is afraid that it will be disturbing to her if she remembers bfing. He also thinks that pumping takes up too much of my time and stresses me out- It does to some extent, but I really dont mind the extra work most of the time.

    I try and include him by pumping and letting him help out when he is around on the weekends, but he usually only feeds her half a bottle and then asks me if I want to finish feeding her.

    I think the year mark was a compromise in the eyes of my hubby... I dont want him to feel left out, but I think that it just disturbs him. He has been very hands off since we found out we were preggers and it hasnt gotten any better these past 5 months. I have tried talking to him about it, but he is very stubborn and it usually just leads to an argument...
    Reagan Allison
    Born 12/29/07
    7 lbs 3 oz
    Goals:
    Nurse 1 month
    Nurse 3 months
    Nurse 6 months
    Nurse 9 months
    Nurse 1 year

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Sunny Arizona
    Posts
    3,171

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    I'd maybe lay low for a while on the issue. I know that with my DH sometimes if I approach him after a few weeks/months have passed without us hashing it out, he's more apt to listen to me.

    Then I would show him info from the World Health Organization since they recommend BFing until age 2. It could also be helpful to get him used to seeing older kids BFing. Since his whole family was FF then this is foreign territory for him and probably makes him uncomfortable. If your MIL thinks pro-BF talk is an attack now, imagine what kind of things he heard about BFing growing up He needs to be reprogrammed, so to say, to think about BFing in a different light.

    I also agree with Lyn that you should ask him what makes him so uncomfortable about extended BFing. Make him pinpoint specific things so you guys have solid points to start the conversation.

    If none of that works then sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. I mean it's not like he take your boobs away from you to keep you from BFing, so ultimately it is your choice. GL, I'm sure you can sway him to your way of thinking.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Houston Texas
    Posts
    584

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    Sorry. It is hard when Dh isn't supportive. I agree with PP that nursing changes with time. If pumping annoys you and he doesn't seem that into feeding LO then skip out on it. I would take it day by day as she gets older. He might change his tune. She isn't going to have memories of nursing at 1, 2 and maybe not at 3 yrs so don't worry about that. She will be a happy and well adjusted LO. Best wish
    wife , mom, maid , cook , taxi. All in a days work

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Sunny Arizona
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    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    Quote Originally Posted by swanny View Post
    He thinks that it will cause dd to have social issue when she is older. He also is afraid that it will be disturbing to her if she remembers bfing. He also thinks that pumping takes up too much of my time and stresses me out- It does to some extent, but I really dont mind the extra work most of the time.

    I'd ask him how much he remembers from his childhood before the age of 2, cause I don't remember anything let alone what I ate specifically

    I try and include him by pumping and letting him help out when he is around on the weekends, but he usually only feeds her half a bottle and then asks me if I want to finish feeding her.

    Then stop pumping if you don't have to. If he doesn't want to feed her then eliminate that stressor. If you have to pump due to work then maybe this is just one thing you can't vent to him about, that's what we're for

    I think the year mark was a compromise in the eyes of my hubby... I dont want him to feel left out, but I think that it just disturbs him. He has been very hands off since we found out we were preggers and it hasnt gotten any better these past 5 months. I have tried talking to him about it, but he is very stubborn and it usually just leads to an argument...
    I don't have advice for this one since my DH has been very involved from the begining, but it does take two to argue. Simply tell him you'll wean DD when she is ready and not a moment before. Since he doesn't feed her then why should he care how it get done? IMO if you're not an active player then you don't get to alter the rules of the game so he's just SOL.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,813

    Lightbulb Re: DH want me to wean...

    Quote Originally Posted by swanny View Post
    He thinks that it will cause dd to have social issue when she is older. He also is afraid that it will be disturbing to her if she remembers bfing. He also thinks that pumping takes up too much of my time and stresses me out- It does to some extent, but I really dont mind the extra work most of the time.
    You can tell your DH that I was breastfed until I was about 1.5 years old and that, one, I don't remember it, and two, I grew up pretty darn well-adjusted! Also, you might ask him what he remembers from age 1-2 years. I know I personally don't have any real memories until I was about 2.5-3 years old.

    Do you think he'd be reassured to know that most kids really reduce their time at the breast once they're eating lots of solids? Nursing a todller is so different from nuring an infant. My daughter (26.5 months) nurses 2-3 times a day, for maybe 10 minutes.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    18,063

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    my 4 year old remembers nursing. But its in a happy good way.
    She'll say I drank milk from your boobs just like other babies.
    men just cann't understand the bond between mom and toddler.

    I found as toddler got older most people figured that she was weaned and quit asking if we were nursing anymore.
    After she was about 2 it was something that was very priviate between me and her. And shortly after she turned 4 she was just nursing to go to bed.
    We weaned with out any tears or problems.
    for me or for her!

    Weaning before baby is ready almost always causes many tears both for baby and mom and it can be a realy stressfull time..

    maybe this book would help
    http://store.llli.org/public/profile/165


    http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/L...Jan01p112.html

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    I started a thread about convincing my dh, but I didn't really have to. The AAP recommends AT LEAST a year. Who can argue with that, right? So, when your dd gets to a year, your dh will see that she is well adjusted and not "weird" and you can worry about further when that time comes.

    (((Hugs)))

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
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    January Miles: 37.5/75
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    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    213

    Default Re: DH want me to wean...

    My DD weaned at around 18 months and she doesnt remember bf at all. She is socially A-OK!

    My Dh thought BF was waaaay wierd at first but as it was going on and he got to reading about the benefits he turned into such a lactivist! I think you 2 should just drop argueing about weaning now and just keep on keepin on momma! Once you have a tantrum throwing 1 year old your hubby will be happy that you have the magic booby!
    Mommy to E 12 , K 10 , A almost 6 , and Little J 20 weeks

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