Im in almost the exact same boat as you! Only difference is that my dh doesnt help at night. We tried a modified method of the dr. jay one, I couldn't make him go THAT long to start out with either. He goes to bed between 8 and 9 pm and I always tell him, no more milk until 2:30. I know he doesn't understand 2:30 yet (he's 16 months old on the 19th), but I tell him anyways. Some nights he makes it most nights he doesn't. I can't just cuddle and love him either, if he fusses for more than 5 mintues (unless i'm in a determined mood he'll go for 10) then he gets to nurse. I can't do it, DH says i need to just 'put it away and tell him no' but he doesn't understand it's not always that easy!
I'm not giving up on night weaning, but I'm trying to suck it up and not force him either.