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Thread: just looking for support

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Unhappy just looking for support

    I have finally come to the realization that the truth is neither my baby nor I am truly ready to wean yet. Due to my family's unacceptance of breastfeeding more than 6 months and continuous pressure for us to wean I led myself to believe that I was the one "wanting" to wean. Every time I would attempt to wean my child she would show much reluctance and extreme separation anxiety along with the many temper tantrums. I always blamed it on my own life stressors and certain life events causing the weaning trouble. But now I have come to the realization that I am in fact not 100% ready to let my baby go...I don't care what my family thinks this time is only but short period/stage in my child's life that I want to cherish and hopefully make a huge impact in the relationship my child and I have for the rest of our lives together. I say this because my own mother and I do not have the best of relationship that I wish my dd and I will have. And maybe bf for her first two years of life will possibly ensure a closer bond than that of my own mother's and mine. The only problem I face now is a lack of breastfeeding support and an immense amount of pressure to wean my child. Every time I try to nurse my child in front of my older sister she makes an insulting comment such as, "that is so disgusting!" or "Eww, gross" or "I thought you were going to wean her...your going to be weaning her till she’s in elementary school." The comments that hurt me the most is the remarks about how disgusting it is. I mean breastfeeding is suppose to be a beautiful thing that is precious in life and her comments while I am breastfeeding make me feel almost immoral in a sense and I hate that. Because I know what I am doing is not wrong but her reactions make me feel that it is. I don't know what to say to her because she seriously believes that everything that comes out of her mouth is correct. then when I try to talk this through with my alcoholic mother which is of no help anymore...I explain that after my sister moves out of our house (because we are both living with my mother right now) and both dd and my stress level goes down weaning will go much smoother. She ignores my conversation and nods her head in disbelief. Tomorrow is the LLL meeting...which I plan on attending and hopefully I don't forget (my memory is shot anymore) to find some support. Sorry for the ranting, I needed to get this out in the open since I have no one to confide in besides this forum. You all are such wonderful women and mothers that your advice and support means so much to me...I appreciate any remarks or words of support and comfort that you may have to offer. Thank you all for taking the time to read my post.

  2. #2
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    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: just looking for support

    I am truely sorry you don't have the support you need mama. Many of us are dealing with similar issues and I, for one, amd glad you have figured out what is best for you and your baby - YOUR family.

    The other members of your "family" don't get say in this decision and it seems relatively futile to try and reason with them.

    I would say just limit your exposure with them to those times when you really "have" to and if that doesn't prove to be a positive experience, then there really is no point making yourself suffer. You don't owe negative people anything, regardless of their "title" and you certainly don't want to expose your LO to that either (as she grows up they won't get 'nicer' ) .

    You'll never have the mommy you want, but you can certainly give your LO the mommy she needs

    Good luck to you - FWIW - I think you've made the right choice
    Click here to find an LLL leader near you...or call 1 877 4 LA LECHE for help now.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
    Emerson


    Ban the bags. ......... Watch your language. ....... Help keep Dr Newman's clinic open!

    We demand that our childcare providers are CPR certified... why don't we demand the same of ourselves! Get certified!

    I lost 22 lbs in 8 months... with a bit of determination and common sense information from this book.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: just looking for support

    Quote Originally Posted by dn7prh View Post
    I don't care what my family thinks this time is only but short period/stage in my child's life that I want to cherish and hopefully make a huge impact in the relationship my child and I have for the rest of our lives together.
    Call it mother's intuition or wisdom: you are right on the mark.
    This is about you and your dd, not your ignorant and disrespectful family members.
    You are building the foundation for a lifelong bond with your daughter.

    How do you respond to your sister's disrespectful comments? Not that they deserve a response, but maybe you could educate her a bit or at least tell her to bug off, kwim? Something like, "I've decided to wean her later when we are both ready. It's not recommended to wean until at least one year."


    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    68

    Smile Re: just looking for support

    Quote Originally Posted by Number3 View Post
    :

    You'll never have the mommy you want, but you can certainly give your LO the mommy she needs
    Thank you all for your wonderful uplifting responses. I especially found this quote very comforting...I plan on writing it down...so if ever I am in need of some reassurance that what I am doing/what I believe in is in fact right for dd and I...that it will prove significant in the end, I can just recite these words to remind me. Thank you so much...I truly appreciate everything!!!

    By the way, this may seem silly to ask, but what exactly does "kwim" stand for? I've seen it a lot on these posts, but can never figure it out.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: just looking for support

    kwim (know what I mean)

    with pp (previous posters)....the only thing that really matters here is what is right for YOU and YOUR CHILD. If your sister keeps being ugly, be honest with her, educate her and tell her that you will not allow her to treat you that way any longer...that you do have a choice when it comes to deciding who you want to spend your time with. If she's never breastfed a child or done it for a year, she may not realize just how ugly she is being. Open her eyes.

    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    Default Re: just looking for support

    Quote Originally Posted by NolaMomma View Post
    with pp (previous posters)....the only thing that really matters here is what is right for YOU and YOUR CHILD. If your sister keeps being ugly, be honest with her, educate her and tell her that you will not allow her to treat you that way any longer...that you do have a choice when it comes to deciding who you want to spend your time with. If she's never breastfed a child or done it for a year, she may not realize just how ugly she is being. Open her eyes.

    My in-laws didn't know much about breastfeeding at first. Standing up for myself and my baby and providing good information about how important breastfeeding is for a child really helped. I will admit, though, that it would have been harder if it were my own mother and sister. I am blessed to have a mom who breastfed me and my sister for two years each, and a husband who trusts me and believes in my abilities as a mother.

    The good news is that your daughter will have a mother who breastfed her, even when others told her not to. Not only will she have received all the physical and emotional benefits of breastfeeding, but also when she is a mom, she will have you to support her. What an amazing gift.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    2,866

    Default Re: just looking for support

    Here are a few links you will find helpful:
    http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/criticism.html
    www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html
    http://www.llli.org//NB/NBJulAug99p116.html



    Trust your baby, trust your own mothering instict. You know what is best for your family!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Not around here as much :(
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    Default Re: just looking for support

    Quote Originally Posted by dn7prh View Post
    Thank you all for your wonderful uplifting responses. I especially found this quote very comforting...I plan on writing it down...so if ever I am in need of some reassurance that what I am doing/what I believe in is in fact right for dd and I...that it will prove significant in the end, I can just recite these words to remind me. Thank you so much...I truly appreciate everything!!!

    By the way, this may seem silly to ask, but what exactly does "kwim" stand for? I've seen it a lot on these posts, but can never figure it out.
    Click here to find an LLL leader near you...or call 1 877 4 LA LECHE for help now.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
    Emerson


    Ban the bags. ......... Watch your language. ....... Help keep Dr Newman's clinic open!

    We demand that our childcare providers are CPR certified... why don't we demand the same of ourselves! Get certified!

    I lost 22 lbs in 8 months... with a bit of determination and common sense information from this book.

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