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Thread: I hate BF

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    73

    Default I hate BF

    Really, really hate it!!! I already went through it with my first one, I hated it for a long time. NOw, don't get me wrong, I love it when she peacefully nurses to sleep, but most of the time we are just fighting to nurse. She ahs to nurse often, otherwise she doesn't have enough wet diapers. And when I say often I mean every hour or more often during the day. But, when I offer my breast she starts crying, and I KNOW she is hungry, because her last diaper wasn't wet enough and it's been awhile since she last ate. It's so frustrating.
    We do have some issues, she doesn't extend her tongue before latch on, it's possible that she has posterior tongue tie, but nobody in real life doesn't know what to look for. Her weight gain isn't that great, so I have to offer her often and get her to nurse. I know the more I "force" the issue, the more she fights. But if I don't, then she doesn't get enough diapers and she sleeps great at night and can't be waked up enoguh to nurse well. I can wait for her to start to nurse better.
    Tandeming mom to 2 years old DS and DD born on 15/12/2007

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    6,959

    Default Re: I hate BF

    Hi mama,

    Nursing while trying to overcome latch issues or oral aversion can really be difficult.

    What happens when she latches on? Do you have any discomfort or pain?

    Is she cranky during the beginning of a session? What have you tried as far as breast compressions or priming the breast?

    What positions are working for you?

    I couldn't understand how old your baby was because of the date you wrote on your sigline.

    Forcing baby onto the breast unfortunately can instigate more problems. Would you care to have some information on dealing with a baby that isn't interested in nursing? I found an article on a baby that refuses the breast, but is hungry. We often call this a nursing strike or refusal. Here is the whole section for you: http://www.llli.org/NB/NBstrikes.html I would read through the articles for ideas that might make it easier for the both of you.

    You seem concerned about weight gain. Could you give more detail about that?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    1,048

    Default Re: I hate BF

    Are you relaxed when you offer the breast? I've seen babies refuse to nurse because mom is nervous/tense.. but of course mom's tense because baby is refusing the breast. Baby picks up on stress so easily! It becomes a cycle. Then once mom just relaxes, baby latches on perfectly and nurses away. I've seen this in meetings and get-togethers where the mom is there to talk about this problem but she's had a cup of tea and chatted with the ladies and dad's not there fretting and the baby does fine and makes mom look like a liar. Attending a real LLL meeting might help a lot.

    Are you able to nurse laying down? That can be quite relaxing; nice way to start the day. Maybe at night, if you feel she needs to be nursing at night, you (or better yet, your partner) can bring her into your bed and lay her next to you and you can latch her on while she's still almost asleep.. while she's calm and not resisting?

    Bless your heart for breastfeeding even though you hate it. I'm sure things will get better!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    73

    Default Re: I hate BF

    My baby is almost 5 months old. When she latches on it depends, on my side that lets down easily she nurses for few minutes, less than 5. On my side that has lower supply she gets frustrated, I've tried breast compression but it works only after she is almost asleep and even then I have to be really careful, if I squeeze to hard, she unlatches and stops feeding. I have some discomfort, my nipples are compressed after feedings but not terribly so. How can I prime my breast?
    I haven't read through all the links about nursing strikes, but I've tried taking bath together, she doesn't care for my breasts, she doesn't like to suck, she doesn't suck on my finger, she is gumming hers or my finger. I've tried skin to skin and letting her self attach. When she does attach it's very shallow. It seems like no matter how much breast she has in her mouth, she latches on shallowly.
    Her weight gain is bad if I look who charts. On the chart her pediatrician uses she was over 50th percentile, crossed the line and now is somewhere between 25 th abd 50th percentile. Her ped isn't concerned as she didn't cross 2 lines and she is meeting her milestones.
    Awnja, thanks for your thought too. There is no LLL meetings close to me. I don't live in the US anymore (hence the "wrong" way of typing my DD's Bday ) , I loved going to LLL meetings there.
    I am able to nurse laying down and she often nurses laying down when she refuses other positions. We co-sleep and I am willing to nurse her whenever she wants. But the thing is that she doesn't want to nurse for a long time. She mainly nurses for 2 minutes or so. So she has to nurse very frequently.
    Tandeming mom to 2 years old DS and DD born on 15/12/2007

  5. #5
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: I hate BF

    Hm. That is frustrating. Sounds like five months of real work just to feed the baby. It's good that you're co-sleeping. You're doing great.

    My dd still nursed frequently at that age.. but she'd stay latched on forever if I let her, and she'd suck on any part of me - was never into gumming. So I'm not going to be much help to you.

    I'm wondering if there's an issue with her mouth. Has she any teeth yet? It's a good age for teething.. maybe she's teething and her gums are sore. My daughter was labeled "orally sensitive" by her doctor because she was VERY picky about what was in her mouth.. maybe your child is even more so and doesn't like things too far back in her mouth. If that's the case, it should VERY gradually get better with time. Or maybe she has something like mild "tongue tie" and she can't really get her tongue into proper position... but I don't know. You made it five months. It doesn't sound like she's starving at all. Nursing my baby made it very clear to me that every child is born with a distinct personality. Maybe your child is just too cool for long sessions..

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    13

    Default Re: I hate BF

    To be honest I understand what you going through. My Four month old is going through a phase where she'll fight nursing, or she'll just get distracted. Which is very hard, as well as frustrating.
    But it makes the peaceful times so wonderful.
    No one ever told me that bf is not always cuddly,snuggly, and easy. None of the woman in my family or my dh's family bfed their children. My friends didn't bfed either. So there was no one to warn me that it would be a struggle. Plus I have chronic supply issues. My daughter weighs in at a mighty 11 pounds. I supplement and was weaning her from formula, but now I am actually giving her more. I have to pump often just to keep what supply I do have. There moments where I hate bfing so much,and there are moments I feel like less of a woman because I can't supply my dd's without supplementing.I even want to stop bfing some days. But I am hanging in there,I need to do this for my dd's sake.Plus, I am too stubborn to give up on this.

    I hope bfing gets better for you.




  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    73

    Default Re: I hate BF

    Awnja, yes I made it to 5 months, so that's why I am even more afraid that I will have to start supplementing now. I am still bf (1-2 times per day) my older one, so I wish the same for my DD. But she seems so not interested in nursing and I don't know whether she doesn't know how to properly nurse or she doesn't want to. I understand all about the distractable age, but I would expect she picked up at night, but at night I can barely get her to latch on, her diaper is almost dry when she wakes up. I will get to the IBCLC again and discuss whether it's time to start supplementing or what. I jsut don't know what to do. I guess it depends also on her weight gain since 2 weeks ago.

    Zemira's mommy, I am sorry you are going through this. My DD isn't much bigger, she was 13 lb 2 weeks ago. I frequently have to bounce with her on the exercise ball to calm her down and then latch her on. She breastfeeds longer when she nurses to sleep, but I can't lay down with her all day long, I have a 2 years old DS (who I did bf all day long when he was so young), who keeps me busy and is distracting my DD. It really is difficult.
    Tandeming mom to 2 years old DS and DD born on 15/12/2007

  8. #8

    Default Re: I hate BF

    I'm sorry for your frustrations!

    It sounds like she's gaining well, is your pediatrician concerned? As long as the wet diapers she's putting out are clear or pale yellow and otherwise active and happy I wouldn't put TOO much into how much she's peeing. Also, it's not always easy to tell depending on what type or diapers you are using.

    Is it possible that she's actually very effective with nursing and just isn't hungry when you are trying to latch her on and she's getting frustrated? Or is it a "I'm hungry" cry? Maybe she's taking in more than you think?

    Some babies can take in an ounce a min. or more... so I've been told by my ped.

    Like one PP mentioned she could just be having a very difficult time with teething. Maybe trying teething tablets could calm her down and relieve some pain?

    HTH!!
    Nikki

    Wife to my best friend and mommy to our sweet little man born 4/07!

    Still 'ing and loving life! We cloth!

  9. #9

    Default Re: I hate BF

    Just though I'd add (maybe to relieve your weight gain worries) that my DS at his 12 month check up weighed 16 lbs 1 oz and is perfectly healthy and developmentally on track and above!

    Some babies are just small by genetics or what have you and are very healthy. We've seen our pediatrician numerous times and have done blood work just to make sure everything is alright with him and everything is!

    Once I accepted and realized this I didn't stress out as much w/ breast feeding. I just followed his cues and still offer at least every two to three hours but if he doesn't want it it's okay. HTH! Hang in there, your doing the best you can!
    Nikki

    Wife to my best friend and mommy to our sweet little man born 4/07!

    Still 'ing and loving life! We cloth!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    1,048

    Default Re: I hate BF

    While we're chatting here. I recall starting my dd on solids at about 5 months.. I probably would have waited a little longer if I were to do it again, knowing what I know now. I'll admit I'm rather pleased with having avoided formula altogether, but I do know moms who started supplementing at about 5 months because of their work situation and supply issues. And my response to them, when they seem sad about it, has always been, "Well, that's about the age they start getting other foods anyway, right?" So while I totally want to cheer you on and encourage you to avoid formula and certainly not rush into supplementing hastily if it's not necessary. I also think that if you do end up offering formula... or applesauce or brown rice or whatever... you're still doing a great job.

    It's true that some babies just don't need to or want to nurse too long. And my dd was dry many mornings. She was potty trained day and night by 18 months. But I think you still need to pay attention to output. You could always double check for other signs of dehydration too. I'm no doctor, but for an exclusively breastfed child, it seems to me that if they aren't dehydrated, they aren't malnourished, ya know?

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