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Thread: weaning and death...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    97

    Default weaning and death...

    My daughter just weaned, at 3 yrs. 8 months. We were both pretty much ready, I think. This morning she asked for it again; I said, Are you sure? I thought you weaned! But you can have a little if you really do want it. And then when I got my breast out, she said she just wanted to cuddle it after all. -- But we have been having all these conversations about death recently; maudlin or profound, depending on your point of view. Last night she was saying, "Mummy, I don't want you to die. I will still love you even if you die. But you will die, and your elbows and your noonies too, and I don't want that to happen. And I know that everybody dies, even mums and dads and even kids. I am scared of dying because I don't know what it feels like and I don't want to be put in a grave, because I want to be able to see. And I am sad because when you die I will have no mum to take care of me ever again, and I will be all by myself". I tried to reassure her, but I have to admit, we were both crying. She has always been a very thoughtful child, and this isn't the first time she's talked about death. But she seems more preoccupied by it than before, and I'm wondering how strong a connection there is in her mind between death and weaning. It's a kind of death, after all. And inevitably sad, even if the time is right. Has anybody else encountered kids making this connection?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    315

    Default Re: weaning and death...

    Wow...that is the saddest, sweetest thing ever. I am definitely curious about the weaning/death correlation. Very interesting.
    Mom to a beautiful little girl-born June 27th, 2006



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    470

    Default Re: weaning and death...

    That made me cry too. Wow. I have no experience with a child making a conection between weaning and death. I as a child experienced the death of my uncle though and it really upset me for a long time. I still have anxiety attacks when I think about death. Sorry I wish I could be more help.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    521

    Default Re: weaning and death...

    I remember babysitting a little girl shortly after 9-11...she was so afraid I think that she saw maybe a bit too much news and had nobody to explain things to her.
    I guess my point is that I feel it is very important that if your lo watches tv, especially the news, to make sure it is not disturbing them. The news is scary to me and I can't imagine being 3 years old and hearing,
    "12 more found dead in .....today..."
    "leaving behind two children and a wife"...and such things.

    Like even when we stop to get gas the news is on on the tv above the pump. I always roll down the back window so I can chat with ds while I am pumping, but then he sees and hears the tv and soon enough he is going to start understanding what is being said.


    Emilee
    Wife and Mommy
    DS born on Aug 4th 2006 @ 8 lbs 14 oz and 20 inches
    DD born at Home on May 10th 2008 @ 8 lbs 14 oz and 20 inches

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,048

    Default Re: weaning and death...

    Huh. My daughter also had some talks with me about death... kind of like that one.. right after weaning! But the neighbor's cat had died shortly before that.. and we also thought her baby cousin was going to die too. I figured, even though it was a while after the events, that they were related to these. I also think that three and a half is an appropriate age for both weaning AND thinking about death. The expansion of the mind at that age is huge.

    It took us a little time to find the words and ideas that give us the most comfort. We are religious so I do use a little bit of that, but she also finds reassurance that all the things I will teach her and do with her will stay with her and in that way I'll be with her, and in her, and take care of her that way forever.

    Shortly after dropping the subject of death... she had lots of questions about where babies come from!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    97

    Default Re: weaning and death...

    Thank you for the replies! -- Yes, it's quite possible that there isn't all that much connection; there are plenty of other reasons to think about death; it's all around us. We saw a dead cat in the street a few months ago, which made a big impression. I've told my daughter that my grandmas are dead, and I still love them and miss them. I'm a vegetarian, and I talk to her about why I don't think animals should be animals killed for people's food. We don't watch TV news (don't have cable). But death comes up all the time in children's literature and fairy stories and art. Babar's mother is shot; Malificent is killed in Sleeping Beauty; and there are pictures and statues of dead Jesus with scary bleeding hands all over the medieval section of the museum, and in church. Actually I think talking about Easter may have been another prompt for these reflections. My daughter said, "Mummy, I wish you would be magic like Jesus and pop up again even when you were dead. But probably it's not really true."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,048

    Default Re: weaning and death...

    Jesus explains death being like a seed falling to the ground. Do you garden? Compost? Our garden has been a wonderful place for me to talk calmly with my daughter about tricky subjects like sex, death, life, time, needs, usefulness, diversity, strengths and weaknesses...

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