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Thread: cosleeping woes

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    39

    Default cosleeping woes

    My LO is almost four months old and I have been full-time cosleeping with him since he was about a month old, and before that it was almost full-time. At first, I was really uncomfortable with the idea, having heard time and time again how that is so dangerous. But when I heard about how so many other people do it and the potential benefits, I decided to just go with my deeper instincts and enjoy the coziness.
    Now lately I have been wondering if I should put him in his crib. Not because I want to, but because I wonder if it might make my husband uncomfortable. Many nights during the week he is falling asleep downstairs in the recliner. He works late, he doesn't get out until almost 11:00, which by that point I am ready to call it a day (getting up with the baby by 6:00 in the morning). So anyway, I don't know if he is maybe worried about accidentally rolling on our baby. I am worried that this might be putting some strain on our relationship. My husband and I used to always cuddle in bed every night and now I am cudding the baby and putting a protective barrier between baby and him just in case (he is a bit of a deep sleeper). So maybe he feels pushed away.
    It would be hard for me to put my LO back in his crib, even though his crib is only 3 feet away from my bed, because I don't want him to feel pushed away either. And don't get me wrong, I do miss cuddling with my husband as well (but we have so many years to do that, this time with baby comes and goes ). But, the best thing for our whole family would be for us all to be happy and together, so if that means putting our LO back in his crib, then I guess maybe I should. Has anyone had to make that transition, and do you have any tips on how to make it a gentle one? (if that's what it comes down to)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    4,007

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    have you thought about using the crib as a side-car? (Sidecar arrangement: Securely attach a crib to one side of the parents' bed, next to the mother. Three sides of the baby's crib are left intact, but the side next to the parents' bed is lowered or removed so that mother and baby have easy access to one another) This way the baby is still close to you, but not between you and your dh. hope that helps!
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    Thank you. That does sound like a good idea! Maybe we will have to try that out! thank you very much... (hehe and I think we just responded to one another's threads at the same time)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    4,007

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    lol, I think we did
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    Here is a link showing how one family sidecarred their crib.
    This is what we have done and it works great! We removed one side of the crib and there is just enough room between the wall and bed for the crib so it is secure. Lucky for us the height of the mattresses lined up perfectly and the fit is very secure.
    It works well for us and DH and I can still have our cuddle time at the beginning of the night. I usually put DD2 down at the beginning of the night in the crib. She sleeps in a swaddler. She usually wakes up between 3 and 4 to nurse, so I nurse her side-lying facing toward the crib and away from DH. She usually wakes up again around 6 or 7 and then I pull her to the middle of the bed to nurse some more (side lying on my right side), in between DH and me. This works great for us and I never have to get up to night nurse.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    I'm having almost the exact same issues - my DH sleeps on the couch and it's not very comfortable and I feel so bad!!! For us my DS is up at least every 2 hrs. (sometimes it's even 1.5 hrs) I start him off in the bassinette and sometimes he'll sleep for 4 hrs straight but then after that it's every 2 hrs. This is baby #4 and I co-slept with the other kids and DH in bed but things are different now - he also seems to be a deeper sleeper and he also has a shoulder injury which often has him extending his arms more and sprawling over to my side so I didn't feel comfy with him being in bed. The sidecarred crib thing is a great idea - not sure if our crib would even fit beside the bed (small room) and it would work great for feeding on one side - but what happens when it comes time to switching breasts? That's been the biggest issue for me or I would have just put the bed guard up a long time ago and had DH come in! Especially since I'm up so much with him!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
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    sleepless in ohio
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    2,389

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    You have to do what's best for your family, although I know that's what you're trying to figure out right now!

    Co-sleeping isn't an all-or-nothing deal. You can go with the sidecar option or start your LO out in his own bed (whether in your room or his own) and bring him to bed with you after his first nursing for the night. We are currently doing the latter. I put Katy (6 months) in the Pack 'N Play at 8:45ish, but bring her to bed with us when she wakes up around 11:30 each night. This gives DH & I time to cuddle, lay comfortably, etc for awhile and by the time Katy comes to bed, DH is none the wiser.
    Sarah- Mommy to Ally (4/16/06) , Katlyn (11/13/07) & Rebekah (10/21/09)
    All three, all natural!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    One way to nurse on the other side without flipping over (I have not tried this yet)
    I try to make her last nurse of the night before she goes to bed on my right breast, so that I can nurse her on my left (away from the bed) when she wakes the first time. For the next feeding, you have a few options: (1) try the position described above; (2) flip over and feed the baby in the bed on the other side; (3) get up out of bed to feed the baby on the other side or (4) sit up in bed to feed the baby (but stay awake!).
    When DD2 was really small and we didn't have side-lying down pat just yet, I kept a boppy above my pillow on the bed and sat up in bed to bf her when she awoke at night. The only reason I would ever get up at night would be to change her diaper (now she wears a bumgenius cloth diaper to bed so she doesn't need night changes).
    I find that co-sleeping makes it much easier to get baby back to sleep than I remember with DD1. She slept in a crib in our room (not sidecarred) until she was 9 months old, but by the time I woke up to feed her she was usually already crying and was more difficult to get back to sleep. And afterwards I had to lower her back into the crib and she would wake up often when I did this. I also fell asleep nursing her in the rocker pretty often, which obviously was not safe. And, of course, I had to drag my tired butt out of bed!
    Co-sleeping with DD2, I wake up before she cries since she is right next to me. The disturbance to both of us is so much less, it's amazing.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    121

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    my dh & i were having this issue too. he especially didn't want lo co-sleeping because he's afraid of us rolling over on him. unfortunately we cannot do a side car arrangement because of how our bed is nestled in between a small space. our lo starts out in his crib and then when he wakes up I bring him to bed with us. he sleeps on my side only, not in between us. so now my dh & i can snuggle once lo is asleep in his crib and still when lo comes into our bed. my lo & i have gotten so good with things that my dh doesn't even hear when lo wakes up at night.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    834

    Default Re: cosleeping woes

    Quote Originally Posted by jojo1079 View Post
    my dh & i were having this issue too. he especially didn't want lo co-sleeping because he's afraid of us rolling over on him. unfortunately we cannot do a side car arrangement because of how our bed is nestled in between a small space. our lo starts out in his crib and then when he wakes up I bring him to bed with us. he sleeps on my side only, not in between us. so now my dh & i can snuggle once lo is asleep in his crib and still when lo comes into our bed. my lo & i have gotten so good with things that my dh doesn't even hear when lo wakes up at night.
    We have the same situation...our bed is just too big and the room too small to accomodate the crib as a sidecar (we only need about three more inches and it would have worked!!) It works really well for us having DS in his crib until his first night feeding. Everyone gets cuddle time! I usually don't sleep until after the first night nursing anyway (around 1am...I suspect the fact that I can get to sleep right after has to do with oxytocin), so he barely makes a peep and I'm right there to whisk him away to mommy and daddy's room (CIO supporters would give me a good scolding for that one )
    ~~~~ ~~~~
    Iryssa(24), DH(27)


    DS born Sept. 21 '07, 8.5lbs
    Nursed for the last time Oct. 20 '08

    DD born Jan. 20, '09, 8lbs 14oz

    http://healthymomnbaby.blogspot.com/
    http://www.xanga.com/iryssa

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