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Thread: Is this confusing him?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Default Is this confusing him?

    My pregnancy hormones are really affecting nursing. Although I said I would continue nursing down for nap and bed, sometimes I just can't do it. Emotionally and physically it is too high of a demand on me. I do not want to wean, because Daniel doesn't seem ready. I actually feel better able to handle it during the day when I can distract myself a bit. When its bedtime it grates on my nerves all the more.

    The problem is, sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. I wonder if I am confusing Daniel. I don't want him to think he's done something wrong to not get to nurse at every sleep time. I'm wondering if I should just stop nursing at bedtimes all together? I am so torn about this. Because when I can do it, it is enjoyable for both of us. He doesn't fall asleep on the breast anymore. If he does nurse before sleep, its for 5 minutes or so and then he gets the binkie and falls asleep. I just feel horrible allowing it sometimes, but not other times and worry SO much that I'm causing him confusion.

    Any insight?

    Thanks
    Lyn
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    6,959

    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    what if you told him the (insert breast name) was tired and no boob tonight?

  3. #3
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    Dec 2006
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    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    He seems fine with it. He never complains, and if he does, I suck it up and nurse him knowing he must be feeling the need for it. He does take a binkie, so I think that helps (). I always put him to sleep the same way regardless of nursing or not. But I just wonder if his little brain is confused about it.
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    960

    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    . I think it harder on you then him at this point. Kids are adaptable and I think your doing whats best for both of you. Sometimes he gets milkies and sometimes he doesnt, I dont think its too confusing for him from what you have described
    My little May baby just turned THE BIG ONE!
    Formally known as kaykate23

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    96

    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    Hi there,
    I can't offer any advise but only say that I am in exactly the same situation- pregnancy hormones haywire and down to only nursing my DS to sleep (early morning, nap at noon and night time), sometimes wishing it would never end and other times refraining from bolting out the front door just to escape him... This morning at 4am he woke up to nurse and I was in tears, so exasperated I ended up sleeping in another room (or trying to for 3 minutes until his screaming brought me back). Usually I can just roll over and oblige him and we all go back to sleep happy but I just couldn't last night.

    I don't know how old your LO is (mine is nearly 15 months) and I am sure mine is confused about the mixed signals. However, I try to reconcile myself by saying that confusion and extraordinary circumstances ( breast feeding and being preganant definately qualify here-Lol!) are as much a part of life as structure and meeting expectations and it would be dishonest of me as a mother to pretend everything is roses all the time. Of course I'm not saying its ok to show them anger or resentment, I'm just trying to express something I try to tell myself when I feel guilty or that I am failing, that I can't do it all all of the time.

    Can you tell I am sleepless and feeling a little emotional to say the least?


    Hang in there, I'm sure he understands something big is happening and that he has enough trust in you to believe everything will be ok.
    Mimi's mum DS #1(19/2/07) DS #2 (21/11/08)


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    Quote Originally Posted by mayberrymum View Post
    . I think it harder on you then him at this point. Kids are adaptable and I think your doing whats best for both of you. Sometimes he gets milkies and sometimes he doesnt, I dont think its too confusing for him from what you have described
    As long as you are open about it and loving with him (and I know you are) I think he will be okay. IME it is good practice for when you have the new baby and will sometimes have to/want to tell him no or "not right now."
    As I see it, growing up is about the world becoming a bigger place than "just me" and increasingly taking into account the needs of other people. Every day the circle slowly gets bigger. It is not wrong for him to learn that mama has needs and, eventually, that the new baby will have needs, and that he has to give sometimes.
    I think it is a delicate balance as a parent, giving your child unlimited love while at the same time slowly teaching your child that the world does not revolve around him/her. And it's okay to make mistakes sometimes!

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    1,048

    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    Sometimes it's OK to be inconsistent and sometimes not. We can't consistently give our kids candy but it's OK sometimes. You know when the child needs firmer, more consistent limits when you run into behavior problems. If he's pushing boundaries in other areas then he may be confused and be asking for clearer lines. The fact that he seems fine with it tells me... he's fine with it. From what I read, the message you send is that sometimes mommy doesn't want to, but if you push hard for it, she will nurse you. That's fair and probably reassuring to him.. he knows it's there when he really needs it. That was always important for my child when she was nursing and even after she weaned.. had to know she COULD if it was REALLY important (apparently there could be a nursie emergency.) Perhaps you are giving the same clear and simple explanation when you can't nurse? You're doing something right. Because there are plenty of kids who would not respond well to the inconsistency.. but you'd know. You'd know if your child were confused. When my child was given conflicting messages about nursing, she would demand to nurse more, even during times that we had established were not appropriate times. And that told me I needed to be more consistent.. with my Nos AND my Yesses. Then I had to say yes EVERYTIME she asked when it was OK to ask. And No every time it wasn't. I know that consistency is important in parenting, but as she grew older and closer to weaning, this wasn't always necessary and I COULD be less consistent. And there are lots of other areas where I don't have to be consistent. Like whether she may wear her shoes in the house. She may break the rule sometimes (if we are in a hurry or something) but still is in the habit of taking them off and it's never a fight. As for washing hands, if I let her skip it once, she will fight me on it the next time, so I must always enforce that. It just varies from kid to kid, issue to issue. If you can get away with being flexible, I say go for it.

    How do you spell yesses?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    213

    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    Quote Originally Posted by awnja View Post

    How do you spell yesses?
    I think 'nos' can also be noes and as far as I can tell its yes-es
    weird.

    I like your post! I think you're right.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    London
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    Default Re: Is this confusing him?

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyb View Post
    As long as you are open about it and loving with him (and I know you are) I think he will be okay. IME it is good practice for when you have the new baby and will sometimes have to/want to tell him no or "not right now."
    As I see it, growing up is about the world becoming a bigger place than "just me" and increasingly taking into account the needs of other people. Every day the circle slowly gets bigger. It is not wrong for him to learn that mama has needs and, eventually, that the new baby will have needs, and that he has to give sometimes.
    I think it is a delicate balance as a parent, giving your child unlimited love while at the same time slowly teaching your child that the world does not revolve around him/her. And it's okay to make mistakes sometimes!
    Karli, Besotted mother of Ashley,8lb 9oz - 9th May 2007 and Fae 8lb 11oz 17th Feb 2010, both born at home, naturally.



    Nappy-free @ 18 months EC'ing rocks!
    Just leave it alone.

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