Hello. First-time poster, looking for feedback and advice. I am mommy to a six year-old son and identical twin girls who will be 3 next month. I breastfed my son exclusively until he was a year old, but was not nearly so successful with my twins. Although I had LOTS of milk in the beginning, my girls and I faced a lot of challenges with BFing: they were six weeks premature, emergency C-section that left me "stoned" for days after birth, NICU nurses/docs told us we needed to supplement Bmilk with formula to help the girls gain weight, etc. Long story short, by the time I returned to work when my girls were 4 months old, my milk supply had dwindled to almost nothing. We did not know how to wean them away from the formula and bottles, and every time I tried to get help, everyone told me I had done a "great job" giving my girls even some breast milk, but that with twins it was just "too hard" and I should "let it go." I made an appointment with a lactation consultant, and she told me the same thing (I later found out she was just a regular nurse, not a lactation specialist). I tried to build up my milk supply on my own with herbs and marathon pumping, but just as I began seeing good results, I got the flu for several weeks, and it was like a death knell for my milk supply. I reluctantly gave up.
Fast forward to today. My girls are healthy and beautiful, but I have always felt a sense of loss and sadness that we did not bond the same way my son and I had. Also, I worry that they will not be as healthy/smart/etc. as my son, since they only got partial Bmilk feedings, and only for a few months. My husband and pediatrician think I am silly, b/c our girls are so healthy and it's just guilt on my part. But I still feel this way. I am thinking of trying to induce lactation with herbal remedies and pumping, so I can give my girls Bmilk in a cup. I don't think I am ready to start BFing again when they are this age; I fully support women who BF as long as they can, but to start over BFing at their age is probably not for me. Am I crazy for thinking of doing this? Has anyone else tried it? I should note that I work FT, another obstacle... All advice, support, thoughts welcome. Thank you so much.