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Thread: Outcome of sending info

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    1,511

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    Honestly, I have to say that this is their loss. And in several years hopefully, they will come to their senses and realize what a mistake they have made over such a simple thing. They are choosing to shut out your LO's - it is not you choosing to shut your LO off from them. Just because they are family, it does not mean they have to be in your child's life - especially if they do not respect you and your wishes.

    I live 2000 miles from all of my family and nieces and nephews (I have 5 siblings and 8 nieces/nephews). We live 800 miles from DH family (2 siblings and on niece). We don't have the option to have our families in ds's life on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. But, I am okay with this. We make the effort to visit at least once a year and do other things as well. But I also know that we surround DS with our friends and their children who love ds as if he were their nephew/ cousin. You and I both cannot do anything to involve our families in our children's life. Do what you can to surround your children with people who love your child no matter what you choose or how your choose to parent.

    Goodluck!

    Hi, I'm Allison

    Mama to Henry Carl 12/28/06

    7lbs, 15 oz, 20.5 in
    Breastfed for 20 months!

    Mama to Ryan Thomas 11/20/08
    8lbs, 7 oz, 21 in
    Breastfed for 30 months!
    Mama to angel 4/03, Mama to angel 12/05


    Feb TBTTW 33.1/70

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    1,197

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    From your LOs perspective, the choice is between having health and brains vs. crappy relatives who don't want what is best for them. I think the choice is clear. You have not deprived your children of anything, you gave them a life-long gift that they should treasure. If I were in your shoes I would be thankful that those people who are not only ignorant but also ill-willed don't want anything to do with me because I wouldn't want anything to do with them either.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Houston Texas
    Posts
    584

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    First, you said you were selfish and BFed... BFing is the most unselfish thing you can do! Be proud of your self for not raising your kids like someone else wants you too... especially people who base their desire to have a relationship with someone on their parenting style. The fact is would you really want your children having a relationship with people who purposely hurt others because they make different choices? That isn't a health relationship for anyone. Keep in mind you married your husband NOT his family!

    Families come in all differnet ways and your kids will adapt to not having them in their life easier than you think!
    wife , mom, maid , cook , taxi. All in a days work

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    New Orleans, LA
    Posts
    5,036

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    Quote Originally Posted by Milkmaid View Post
    This makes me feel very bad and I feel like that I have denied my LOs a family b/c of my selfish choice to BF and I do feel like that maybe it was a mistake to BF. B/c at the end of the day it's my LOs that are suffering; no birthday & xmas presents, no family party invites etc. I do feel very lonely and cut-off with my children.
    Wow...they must be some powerful manipulators.

    B/c this stuff you wrote here...it's a bunch of BS. They are much better off with your milk (which was made FOR THEM), the connection that comes with giving them that milk and really at the end of the day what have you lost? Some narrow-minded a$$holes and a bunch of crap your kids don't need anyway?

    Get on meetup.com and join some mom groups. Get active about organizing some playdates and surely a good friendship or two will emerge.

    I'm sorry you have to go through this...it does suck. But never doubt that you've done the right thing by your kids. Never!
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    central IL
    Posts
    173

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    Don't ever think that BF is selfish in any way! I think breastfeeding is one of the most selfless acts that a parent can give a young child. It's even possible that your SIL's are on some level jealous of you. In fact, given some of the things you said on your previous thread about this, I think that is likely that they feel like you "stole" their brother.
    Regardless, they are being extremely immature and you should not feel bad about their issues. Just try not to fight(if they give you the chance), and try to move on. Don't regret your parenting decisions, or you are letting them win.
    Chelsea
    Mommy to:
    Nate 1/17/07 Emma Lynn 7/13/08 @ 31 weeks and Clara 2/26/10
    Cloth diapering convert
    love to and

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    381

    Unhappy Re: Outcome of sending info

    My SILs hadn't never EVER met my DD2! And had only met my DD1 2-3 times as a tiny baby! And had never never given them a birthday or Xmas present or card. My horrible MIL chooses not to come over and see my LOs, that's b/c she feels that she be letting her 2 DDs down if she does; she likes to support them in their mission. So occasionally (not often) me and my DH would take our LOs to see her - this is where I get it! My MIL does give my LOs birthday and Xmas presents, but they are nothing like the same standard sort of presents she gives to the other grandchildren. For example, this year for my DD1's birthday, my DD1 got an ordinary photo taken out of my MIL's packet of holiday snaps! Weird.

    I try and not to think BF is selfish! I know it's not and but people around me act like it is apart from my DH. Perhaps it will do me good if I met up with other BF mums BF toddlers, how do I go about that?

    I know that they must have deeper issues with me, but they won't discuss it with me and make it better! I guess they just don't like me and the BF has turned it into 'hate'.
    Last edited by Milkmaid; April 30th, 2008 at 06:01 AM.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    that is weird. Pictures are a gift a grown up likes to get not a kid....
    She could have went to the dollar store and picked out anything for a dollar.

    My mil plays favorites too, just cause she spends more time with the other set.
    But she loves to be the pot stirrer.

    I vote let her be.
    Limit contact.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    central IL
    Posts
    173

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    Quote Originally Posted by Milkmaid View Post
    I try and not to think BF is selfish! I know it's not and but people around me act like it is apart from my DH. Perhaps it will do me good if I met up with other BF mums BF toddlers, how do I go about that?
    First of all, do you have a local LLL group? That's a great place to meet other BF moms. You could check with your Dr.'s office to see if they know of any BF support groups. Our local health dept. organizes a BF support group, and I know some of the others in our area do as well, so that might be something you could check. You may even check with the maternaty ward at your local hospital to see if they know of any groups. If all else fails, you could try to start your own mommy/play group.
    Last edited by ChelseaGirl7; April 30th, 2008 at 07:51 PM. Reason: Spelling
    Chelsea
    Mommy to:
    Nate 1/17/07 Emma Lynn 7/13/08 @ 31 weeks and Clara 2/26/10
    Cloth diapering convert
    love to and

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    381

    Thumbs up Re: Outcome of sending info

    I must admit my DH's had never never got on with his family, maybe this is the real root of the anti-BF attitude I get from my in-laws. But, even if my DH's did get on with his family, I still think BF would be an issue. It's not fair really is it? Taking it out on me with some-one's else's problems!? Just b/c I am my DH's wife! Anyway I am glad you are all here to support me - thanks for that, love the comments!



    I had asked my HV when my 1st DD was born, if I can join a BF group, cos I know there's one at my local health clinic and she said "No, cos BF groups are mainly for women who need help with BF and I don't need help." There was one at my library set up by the National Birth Trust and when I got there! I discovered they aren't there anymore b/c of the poor turn-out!

    And I don't drive either and live in a small town, so it's pretty hard to travel anywhere without taking half the day up to get there and not to mention getting back!

    Good point may I could start my own BF group, but I doubt if anyone still BF over 1 year in my area. I try and give it a go.
    Last edited by Milkmaid; May 1st, 2008 at 02:38 AM.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,177

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    First of all they just don't sound normal. Lot's of people's in-laws disagree w/ parenting styles. But it's not a reason to ignore a child. I wouldn't want my kids around people like that anyway.

    If you start a bf group make it for all bf moms & lo's. It doesn't just have to be for over 1. I was part of one for a while started by moms w/ lo over 1. My son was like 2 months old and seeing them nurse their lo's, in part w/ this board educated me in nursing past one. Maybe you could educate the same way!

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