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Thread: Outcome of sending info

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    381

    Unhappy Outcome of sending info

    I have finally pucked up the courage and sent my MIL BF info, b/c she had been torturing me and bullying me for the past 4 years with her criticism and hurtful behaviour. And, I have also send some info with a nice covering letter saying we ought to 'try' and be friends to my 2 SILs, whom who refuses to have anything with me b/c of the path of motherhood I've chosen to follow.

    I haven't heard anything from them about it for ages and ages, till I finally convinced my DH to ring them up and ask. They said yes they got the info, but stated that I am completely mad and bonkers! The 2 SILs again made it very clear that they don't want anything to do with my LOs and I. Even my DH had a go at me for 'rubbing it' in their faces so I am feeling very depressed today.

    This makes me feel very bad and I feel like that I have denied my LOs a family b/c of my selfish choice to BF and I do feel like that maybe it was a mistake to BF. B/c at the end of the day it's my LOs that are suffering; no birthday & xmas presents, no family party invites etc. I do feel very lonely and cut-off with my children.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    150

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    These are your in-laws???? So, who cares? I mean, really, why do parenting choices come up at all? My sister and I have completely different parenting views. She bottle feeds and spanks. I nurse and don't spank, but who cares. We both love our children and we love each others children. Sometimes, I'll rant to a friend about her choices, but overall, they are her choices. When we're together we don't criticize each others choices. If your in-laws start criticising your parenting choices, just smile an shrug and say, "Well, I guess we have different opinions." If you never argue, there can be no argument.

    And, if they are going to ignore your children because they don't like yout parenting choices, are these really the type of people you want in your children's life. Just let it go.
    Mom of 1, AJ born 4/12/07

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    150

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    I'm sorry, after re-reading that, it sounded harsh. I really do wish you the best. Try not to let them get to you.
    Happy vibes your way:
    Mom of 1, AJ born 4/12/07

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    awe realy it's their loss.
    and shame on your hubby for blaming you.

    My oldest grandma is so wrapped up in number one that she never calls.
    He's to the point that he realy doesn't care much, he's almost grown and in the last year she saw him at christmas and I think that was it.
    She says well we don't have anything to talk about?
    What the heck talk to him about his dad...
    Heck you could even tell him you love him? I don't say anything - about her to him he was able to figure it out on his own.
    When he goes and visits great grandma then she gets jealous and that just takes the cake....

    What ever, its their loss.
    IT's never bad to breastfeed They are the ones with the issues if they bullied you into fealing so bad!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    sleepless in ohio
    Posts
    2,389

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    I'm sorry the info you sent didn't shed any light on the situation for your in-laws. That really stinks. Please don't EVER feel bad/guilty for BF'ing simply b/c someone, who really should be respecting your parenting choices no matter what their own views are, won't take the time to try to understand why you're doing what you're doing. At the end of the day, just know you are making the best choices you can for you & your family.

    Re: the gifts & invites- It sounds like your LO's might be better off without these anyway. Yes, family is important, but not if they won't respect you. Your children will be much happier receiving love & support from you & your DH than getting presents from your in-laws.
    Sarah- Mommy to Ally (4/16/06) , Katlyn (11/13/07) & Rebekah (10/21/09)
    All three, all natural!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    213

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    And your DH is still nice to these people that have shunned his nuclear family?!?! They are childish and narcisistic!

    Let me tell you, they seem to be the type of people that even if it wouldn't of been bfing, they would of found another way to not involve you and the LO's. You don't need them AT ALL. your LO's will be just fine not being around such hateful people.
    Mommy to E 12 , K 10 , A almost 6 , and Little J 20 weeks

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    381

    Unhappy Re: Outcome of sending info

    Yes you are right BF is good, but I my in-laws have won and I am punished for it b/c it's me and LOs that are losing out. It's almost like emotional blackmail in a way isn't it? I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Does anyone else feel like this?

    Quote Originally Posted by ak411 View Post
    Re: the gifts & invites- It sounds like your LO's might be better off without these anyway. Yes, family is important, but not if they won't respect you. Your children will be much happier receiving love & support from you & your DH than getting presents from your in-laws.
    That's true I've never thought of it that way, it's just hard you know. The only good thing that came out of this - is that my DH is actually now back on talking terms with his SILs!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    381

    Unhappy Re: Outcome of sending info

    Quote Originally Posted by WhatWasIThinking View Post
    Let me tell you, they seem to be the type of people that even if it wouldn't of been bfing, they would of found another way to not involve you and the LO's. You don't need them AT ALL. your LO's will be just fine not being around such hateful people.
    You got a hell of a point there! Thank you!! If I hadn't been BF they may not have liked me anyway. Thinking about it, they have never liked my DH's exes and other women that aren't directly related in the family.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    213

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    I wish we lived closer together so I could make it up to your LO's for having such crappy aunts!

    We fought for years over my inlaws, while I bet myself up over why they didn't like me! They didn't like me because i wasn't like them, thank goodness for that!
    Mommy to E 12 , K 10 , A almost 6 , and Little J 20 weeks

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    86

    Default Re: Outcome of sending info

    It sounds like there are deeper issues that go way beyond the choice to BF. I don't know any grandparent that would willingly choose not to see their grandchildren because of something like that. BFing should have nothing to do with their family relationship/bond.

    Needless to say - To stand up for your DH, I don't think you should have sent them the info. I don't think they care, and so you are just reopening old wounds. It's sort of like if your MIL sent you info on why formula feeding was better - wouldn't YOU be offended?

    Either way, I'm sorry your family is like this. I hope that one day they will come around and be able to be in your LOs lives. Until then - just be there for your LOs, and try to tell them good stories about their grandparents & aunts.
    Mom to Ricky, born 11/28/07, 8lbs 8.5oz
    13lbs by 2/12/08!

    in the morning, @ work and again @ night!

    to

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