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Thread: feeling guilty

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    176

    Default feeling guilty

    My son is 11 weeks old and I have to go back to work in Aug. I am not really able to breastfeed him, since we supplemented at 3 weeks and he never went back to the breast, although he will suckle. I have never been able to pump enough milk for him. I will continue to pump for a year if I can get a decent amount. Here's the problem: I always wanted to breastfeed and never wanted to work full time his 1st year. Due to events beyond our control, I have to and he's getting formula. I worry that he won't bond to me b/c he doesn't bf and won't see me much, and I feel guilty about the F, b/c I know now that I should have handled the sit differenly.. My husband is losing patience w/ me. Please help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    361

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    There is absolutely nothing to be gained by feeling guilty about the situation. You have done the best that you could and you are to be commended for that. Feeling guilty does not do you or your baby any good.

    At 11 weeks old, I can pretty much guarantee that he already is quite bonded to you. Do not let yourself worry that he might forget who you are. Babies know their mommies and you have a few more weeks to spend together before you have to go back.

    There are many other ways that you can connect with your baby. Skin to skin contact is GREAT. If baby will suckle at the breast, spend lots of time doing that when you are home. Wearing baby in a sling when you are home with him is also a great way to stay connected. If you are confortable co sleeping, this lets you maximize time together, even when you are sleeping.

    I had to go back to work when my first baby was 6 weeks old and I had the same fears. We co slept and wore him in a sling whenever we were home with him.

    Hang in there, you are doing a great job!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    176

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    Thanks so much for your response. I think my fear is irrational, but I just can't shake it. I think I mishandled the supplement situation, and should have tried other things 1st, but there was a lot of pressure from the dr and my husband. Even the LC that I consulted w/ and my doula didn't rec a different course of action. Later on, though, they both said I shouldn't have supplemented.
    I do cosleep, though my husband wants that to change, and we do skin to skin almost every night, and I can often get him to suckle. He used to love the sling, but lately he seems a little uncomfortable in it. It's just that the feeding and working situation is so far from what I always wanted for my baby.
    I really appreciate your encouragement.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    320

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    That was a hard adjustment for me as well, I had a lot of expectations for my baby before she was born. My mom kept saying, the child will dictate what you do. That turned out to be very true.

    My situation is similar to yours in that I supplemented with my dd and returned to work after 12 weeks. She is now 4.5 mo and I'm still her favorite person.

    It's hard juggling work, family and house. Honestly, I let the house go. That's the least important thing. I really hope your husband doesn't expect you to do everything. My husband is really supportive and that helps tons!

    I think as your baby gets older and your family gets adjusted you will feel less guilt. It's an irrational feeling, really, but I still deal with that too. I remind myself that bf in any form is better than not trying at all, and my experiences with my dd will only help my success with the next baby.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    361

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    darleen, I am so sorry that your experince did not turn out the way you were hoping. Is this your first baby? I had exactly the same problem with my first baby. I had no idea what I was doing and got some very bad advice. He ended up on a bottle too.

    Going back to work is going to be emotional and difficult for you one way or the other. If at all possible, try to let go of your guilt over not nursing before that happens. You will have enough to deal with, you just don't need that added guilt.

    One more thing, have you tried putting baby in the slong face out? My dd is 13 weeks and she REFUSES the sling unless she can see out and keep and eye on the world.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    176

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    To Britebow: Thanks for the advice. I think that once I get back to work and in a rhythm I'll feel better. I'm also worried about keeping up w/ my job and still giving him the time he needs. I teach 4th and 5th grade, and there's so much to do after the school day's over. Plus, we only get about 25 mins for lunch and that's the only break so I'm worried about pumping. I just know his 1st year will be over in a second and I don't want to miss anything.
    To Mommyto3: Yes, this is my 1st. He was little when he was born, gained well the 1st 2 weeks and nothing the 3rd, so the dr said supplement. He was off the breast right away. I don't think the dr meant to end bf since he's supportive of it; I think he just didn't know and wanted the baby to get bigger fast since he was so small at birth (5 lbs, 5 ounces). I wish I could redo everything, but I can't.
    I will try the sling face out. I think that is the issue. When he was younger he used to enjoy sleeping in a little ball, but now he gets upset if he can't see. I'll try to position him better.
    Thank you all for your support.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    361

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    I am so happy to hear that he is healthy and gaining weight well. That really is the most important thing, you are doing a great job!

    I am a teacher too, I teach 7th and 8th grade science in an online school.

    I hope you have a GREAT school year! Do give the facing out in the sling a try, it worked wonders with my daughter.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    320

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    Darleen,

    My dd was 5lbs 13oz when she was born. When they are that small they don't have a lot to loose, KWIM?

    We supplemented in the hospital because we were sure she wasn't getting enough colostrom. (I had a breast reduction) I hadn't expected her to be that little. It's one thing when your baby weighs 10 lbs and you want to sit around counting diapers, it's another when they're just under 6 lbs. I didn't want to chance it. I don't know that I'd do it differently the next time.

    I just researched donated bm. It's $3 an ounce plus shipping. Minus shipping that would be $90 a day for my LO. I'm now considering trying to relactate.

    This site has helped me a lot, I worked through some frustration I had with my MIL and I have come to a place of forgiveness. I don't know if I would have gotten there on my own.

    I'll be praying that your transition to work goes as smooth as possible. Teaching seems like a wonderful occupation as far as hours go and raising children. My parents both worked until 7pm which left me a lot of time to get in trouble. Thank goodness we didn't have the internet!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    176

    Default Re: feeling guilty

    Hi,
    Thanks again to both of you. I guess I'll just have to figure out a way to make it work, esp the pumping part. I really appreciate your support.

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