Thanks for the update. It IS so so hard - and it sounds like you are managing it incredibly well. Three cheers for you, your LO and your DH for helping you all get through this. It's wonderful that you can reconnect and spend as much time as possible with your DD when you are at home.
For what it's worth, I need to admit that last January - as in 6 months after I returned to work - I had a real emotional melt-down about being apart from my son as much as I was due to work. We started all kinds of investigating to see if there is any way we can ditch my salary and still keep our house, etc., etc. At present, I'm still working and while it does get easier, gradually, I *do* still miss my son and I still dream, nearly every day, about being able to stop working and spend more time with him. I have it as my goal and hopefully, one of these days, it will happen. I have to keep believing and while I do so, keep doing all I can to make the most of every minute...
I try to remember that J knows nothing other than our love. He knows nothing other than the way we do things - so while it may cause me undeniable ache to know I am missing hours with him, he doesn't really know to compare and he is fine and he is thriving. And the love he showers on me, clamouring onto me and bouncing up and down on my tummy; climbing into my lap with a book, simply collapsing into cuddles on my shoulders, are proof. The private giggles we share as he hooks his toes against my face (sometimes I think he is part monkey) when I nurse him before bedtime or when I make him "fly" into his crib... they are our precious moments. No one can ever take those or replace our bond. And let me tell you....once I was able to let these feelings take over in place of the guilt I had - and still do have from time to time - over leaving him to go to work, the better it all started to feel.
Please don't waste your energy or your heart on guilt. You are a good and loving mommy and your DD already knows and feels that. And before you know it, she'll show it to you in more ways that you can imagine.
hugs......and best wishes.