It has finally happened, my 20 month old is absolutely done with the EBM I have been sending for him to daycare. I have been down to pumping once a day for the last 8 months. Which was so easy compared to the 3 a day, then 2 a day routines. My little guy is still, and always has been a reverse cycler, he nurses right when I get home from work, bedtime, mid-night, and an early morning dream feed. At his age, I consider that to be a decent amount of mommy's milk.
When I picked him up from daycare yesterday, the ladies broke the news to me that he just won't touch his milk anymore. He hasn't apparently for a few months. They thought it might be a phase, but it appears not to be. He barely drank more than 2-3 ounces anyway on his good days. They said that they thought I should know so I don't have to go through the 'hassle' of pumping any longer.
I know, sounds fantastic right? I should be jumping and doing cartwheels for not having to lug the mechanical baby around any longer. I am finding myself very sad though, my whole evening routine of scalding my milk, how proud I was each time I made his lunch and labeled his milk and cup. I feel like it was one of my last connections to my son during my work day, that I had to stop what I was doing and make time for him. Now that's gone too. I know I should be happy and thrilled to be done with it, I guess I'm struggling because it wasn't me who initiated it. My son clearly won't drink it any longer, my DH even said he can't get it to take it on the days he's home with him. He still hasn't been introduced to cow's milk, and won't be anytime soon. I was aiming to pump wean at 2 years anyway, I think I had built up that it wasn't that far away and I could make it. Now I don't have to worry about that any longer.
Today is the first day I didn't send any milk with him, last night what I pumped at work went down the drain. The next week or so, I'm going to slowly wean that last pumping session.
I know I should be happy but I'm struggling to feel that way, he's growing up. I am thankful I still get those nursing times when we are together. My time to hang up the horns surely doesn't mean our nursing relationship is over.
Thanks for listening