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Thread: I can't do this anymore

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    64

    Unhappy I can't do this anymore

    maybe it's my ppd, but I just am not making enough milk to feed my son. I can't stand to have him on the breast, and I'm pumping. I take fenugreek and mother's tea. I was used to filling 2 bottles a pumping. Now I'm lucky if I get an ounce out of either side. My breasts feel limp. My husband doesn't agree with it, but I honestly can't do this anymore!! my nipples are so sore! I want to give formula. I feel so guilty about it, and my husbands reaction didn't help either.

    Nicki

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    101

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    I am so sorry you are having such a hard time How often are you pumping?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,437

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    Can you tell me more about your situation? How often are you pumping, and what kind of pump are you using? Breastfeeding works on the principle of supply and demand. The more baby nurses/the more often you pump, the more milk you will make. Babies are much more efficient at removing milk from the breast than pumps are, so if you are exclusively pumping at this point, that is probably why you are experiencing a drop in supply. A hospital grade pump is the best choice for a mother who is exclusively pumping.

    Do you have anyone nearby who can just be with you during the day? Are you seeing anyone about your PPD? Have you contacted a local LLL leader? You sound so alone and frustrated. You really need someone IRL to come alongside you and help you through your feelings.

    One resource I would highly recommend is a book entitled THE HIDDEN FEELINGS OF MOTHERHOOD by Kathleen A. Kendall-Tackett, PhD: http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVDecJan03p135.html . It may help you to work through some of the feelings you are experiencing. Your local LLL group or public library may have a copy you can borrow.

    Hang in there, mama.

    Tiana

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    6,959

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    Hi Nicki

    Sounds like you are having a tough time. I can understand why you feel like you are exhausted with the whole process. It also sounds like you really want everything to work out for your baby.
    I totally agree with LLLTiana about renting a hospital grade pump. You can make this work!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,437

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    Nicki,

    How are you doing today? We're here for you.

    Tiana

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    201

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by muxe13 View Post
    I can't stand to have him on the breast, and I'm pumping. Nicki
    I couldn't help but notice what you said here. I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I know a woman who was sexually abused when she was a little girl, and she had some of the same feelings. She thought she had gotten over everything and forgiven, but giving birth to her baby and breastfeeding brought it all back, and she was very depressed. There are resources available to help mothers who are sexual abuse survivors. Please PM me if you want to talk.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    26

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    I don't understand, why can't you stand him on the breast?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    3,900

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by muxe13 View Post
    maybe it's my ppd, but I just am not making enough milk to feed my son. I can't stand to have him on the breast, and I'm pumping. I take fenugreek and mother's tea. I was used to filling 2 bottles a pumping. Now I'm lucky if I get an ounce out of either side. My breasts feel limp. My husband doesn't agree with it, but I honestly can't do this anymore!! my nipples are so sore! I want to give formula. I feel so guilty about it, and my husbands reaction didn't help either.
    Hello, Nicki!

    Would it be okay if we asked you a few questions to help us better understand what is going on? We want to support you and offer information that might help you.

    How often are you pumping? What type of pump are you using (manual? electric? single? double? what brand?)? About how much are you actually pumping in 24 hours? How much has that decreased over the last few days?

    Is your baby nursing at all at this point? If not, is your goal to get your baby back to the breast or were you looking more towards exclusive pumping?

    Are you seeing someone locally for support (IBCLC, LLL Leader, WIC peer counselor)? Do you have support for PPD, too?

    How can we help you, Nicki? Is there any specific information you're looking for? What are your biggest concerns at this point?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    3,900

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    Looking back through your posts, I found that you already answered some of the questions. I'm posting your answers here so we don't keep repeating the same questions over and over.

    Quote Originally Posted by muxe13 View Post
    I am losing my milk supply. I take fenugreek and mother's tea. It worked for a while, but not now. I had to pump for 1/2 hour just to get enough in the bottle to accomodate his normal amount.

    My nipples are so sore, it feels like they are being ripped off. I have raw marks on the sides, they don't bleed yet, but definately feel like it. After I'm done pumping, my nipples are so tingly and sensitive, I can't even stand the air on them.
    Quote Originally Posted by muxe13 View Post
    I am using Medela Pump' Style. The size is 24 standard. The setting is about 4, to 4.5. This pump is the home equivalent to the hospital version. I try to pump every 2-3 hours, but my breasts are so "soggy". It feels like my nipples are on my knees.
    For reference, the above posts are from your first thread here:
    http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?t=49870

    Hang in there!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    6,959

    Default Re: I can't do this anymore

    Here is a resource for you about pumps: http://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com...s/breast-pumps It shows the hospital grade pumps that establish a milk supply, and the daily use pumps which work for women who have their milk supply where they need it already.

    It looks as though you have a daily use pump.

    Nipple pain in the beginning is really tough to deal with. I remember leaning forward when I got out of the shower so nothing would touch my breasts. I understand sensitivity! Poor mama! It gets better!

    Do you feel like you would be able to handle your ppd better if you were not breast feeding? It seems as if you might be feeling that way because of all the problems you are going through... In some cases a mother must really take a close look at her own needs as a parent. It you feel as though breastfeeding is keeping you from being more balanced and happier, it may be time to consider a different means of feeding. A functioning mother is important, breast feeding is about a relationship that works for mama and baby.
    However if you feel that you would really lament the closeness, and the special bond - maybe we could all try some trouble shooting? Do you want to try?

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