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Thread: Problems with DH, what should I do?

  1. #1
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    Jan 2008
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    Default Problems with DH, what should I do?

    When I was pregnant, I always said that I would breastfeed until 6 months. I didn't have a clue about babies, and I thought that at 6 months they just magically started eating baby food. Well then I learned better and I decided that I would bf for the full year. I told my husband that it made no sense for me to put him on formula. DH was fine with that decision. Well now my baby is almost 10 months. I look at him and realize that I only have 2 months until my "deadline." DH has even decided how we will go about weaning him. He wants me to start now by night weaning. He says that my LO is to old to be waking up at night. He has even suggested giving him a bottle of formula before bed so that he will sleep through the night.

    I know that parenting is a two person job, but I just don't think that me or my LO will be ready in 2 months. I'm not saying that I will continue nursing him until he self-weans, but I'm not ready to put a deadline on how long I will nurse. My husband thinks once he can walk around he is too old. His exact words were "I don't like that, its not right." I've done the research, and I've learned that it is right.

    My question is... Did anyone else go through this? How did you handle it? I don't like the conflict and I know that it is going to be a problem.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    There's a thread here called "convincing DH" I'm off to bump it for you! Look for it!

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3

    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    I am dealing with that and more, . It's a real pain. So, I just wanted to say that our culture stinks. No really, it is in a crisis, and children are the biggest loosers. Time limits are not the key. Readiness is, with reason. Adults have to grow up and out of the "I believe it" therefore everyone else must jump on board. Every one will not, and just have to respect that another may not ever get there, wherever there is.

    It will be hard to silently suffer regarding not having your DH supporting your decision. But ultimately you will have to come to terms with your decisions. What is more important, or takes top priority right now? Is it your relationship with your DH or breastfeeding your lo? It should not have to come down to that, but that is the reality. Which of the two is most reasonable and mentally sound? I would do what I can clearly see to be best, and leave the rest for someone who can deal with it. Someone like a counsellor, or God, if you believe. I am done fighting. I am just gonna be matter of fact from now on.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    Nightweaning does NOT mean sleeping through the night! Neither does formula.

    My 5 year old STILL wakes sometimes in the night and she was weaned off bottles when she was 2.

    Definately read that other thread, lots of good advice and information that you can pass on to DH.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    Formula does not = more sleep.
    Sarah- Mommy to Ally (4/16/06) , Katlyn (11/13/07) & Rebekah (10/21/09)
    All three, all natural!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    I am simply baffled that any of these husbands think they have any right to make this decision for mommy and baby.

    Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility. ~ Kate Douglas Wiggin

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    I completely agree with all the PPs. I felt the same way. Before Thomas was born, I wanted to breastfeed for six months (which seemed like a long time compared to how long other people I knew nursed), but then he was born, and the months flew by, and I found these forums, and I knew there was no way either of us would be ready to stop at six months. He'll be a year old in less than two weeks, and we're still nursing. It has decreased some, but that's been by following his lead, and he's nowhere near being ready to stop (neither am I). I think this is something that you have to follow your gut and your heart on; I know both parents have input, but I really do think that this is one instance where mama knows best.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elliott's 24-hour Diner View Post
    I am simply baffled that any of these husbands think they have any right to make this decision for mommy and baby.


    A breastfeeding relationship is between mother and child, if dad wants to be involved to offer support and encouragement, that's great. If he has anything to offer that does not fall under the support and encouragement category, find your own gentle (or firm...depending upon your personality) way of telling him that this really does not involve him...mommy has the breasts for a reason.

    I am lucky to have a hubby that supports nursing until the child weans on her own, even if she's 5 years old. Not that that's a limit, but when we had this discussion a while back, I said "what if she doesn't wean until she's 5?" He said, "then she still needs it."

    How can you give him some options to make him feel like he is making the decision for you to nurse as long as you want? Get inside of his head and think about this.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by NolaMomma View Post


    A breastfeeding relationship is between mother and child, if dad wants to be involved to offer support and encouragement, that's great. If he has anything to offer that does not fall under the support and encouragement category, find your own gentle (or firm...depending upon your personality) way of telling him that this really does not involve him...mommy has the breasts for a reason.

    I am lucky to have a hubby that supports nursing until the child weans on her own, even if she's 5 years old. Not that that's a limit, but when we had this discussion a while back, I said "what if she doesn't wean until she's 5?" He said, "then she still needs it."

    How can you give him some options to make him feel like he is making the decision for you to nurse as long as you want? Get inside of his head and think about this.

    I agree.

    My husband is nothing but 100% supportive and loving and respects that we will nurse until Elliott decides it's time to stop.

    Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility. ~ Kate Douglas Wiggin

  10. #10
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    Oct 2007
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    Default Re: Problems with DH, what should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by tamarama View Post
    Nightweaning does NOT mean sleeping through the night! Neither does formula.

    My 5 year old STILL wakes sometimes in the night and she was weaned off bottles when she was 2.
    I still have a 6 1/2 year old that we hear from at night! And we have tried EVERYTHING (unfortunately) to get him to stay in his bed. Finally, we have reached a point of acceptance that he is a high needs child that still needs (and I don't use the word needs lightly) parenting at night. He is allowed to come into our bedroom and lay down without disturbing anyone. We have worked it out.

    I have found that I can co-parent with my husband best when I am just completely transparent with him. Be humble. Be honest. You might start with, "I am as new to this mommy thing as you are the daddy thing. I thought I knew what I was talking about when I said I would nurse for a year, but the more I learn the more I realize I don't know."

    *Ask him if he will go to the pediatrician with you to talk about it.
    *Ask him if he will read Dr. Sears Nighttime Parenting; How to get your baby and child to sleep with you.
    * Tell him that other moms have said that night weaning doesn't lead to sleeping through the night and you feel like it isn't worth the loss.
    * Ask him why he feels weaning is important. Ask him what feels "not right" to him.
    *Does he want more time with you?
    *Does co-sleeping interfere with your sexlife?
    *Does he think that his boy is too dependant on Mom? (Studies show that babies who self-wean are actually more independent in the long run than babies that are pushed or who cry it out.)


    The way I feel is that I know I am going to make so many mistakes with my kids. I guess I just want to err on the side of compassion. They will eventually grow up. But pushing them too fast can make them feel so insecure.

    If you think he feels any competition with your lo for your attention, smother him with affection when he comes home from work. Initiate sex. Suggest something fun to do together (hopefully as a three-some?) even if it is at the expense of being practical (i.e. laundry, or other chores, exhaustion, etc).


    Okay, here is another route. I say this very tongue-in-check. Assuming that you absolutely KNOW that your husband has absolutely NO abusive tendencies, you could tell him that if he wants to night wean, then he gets to do it. It will take every fiber in you to do this, but don't let hubby see you hurt. You will discover that you are probably stronger than your husband. The baby will be very upset and eventually your husband will come crawling to you begging you to just make your lo sleep. It may take a couple of nights, but my guess is that he is not as comitted to night weaning as he thinks he is!!!

    I will be praying for all three of you.

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