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Thread: getting plain tired of it...

  1. #11

    Wink Re: getting plain tired of it...

    Yes sweetie, congradulations on how long you have nursed !

    I think that the biggest problem we extended nursing mothers face is that we do not have enough examples in our culture that represent the beauty and normality of toddler nursing. We whole heartedly desire to break through the barriers and challenges of nursing, but after a while we feel the pressure inside and out when reaching 12 months or more. We press forward knowing the benefits, but not knowing through example some of the normal, yet annoying, issues we will have to come to terms with.

    I too felt bad about nursing my toddler; not so much due to my son, but more so due to the stress of dealing with a troubled marriage, having horrible pregnancies, being criticized, and not copping well myself with things. We encounter situations that may not seem to affect us at first, but when we feel annoyed beyond expectation regarding normal occurences, we show that something is not quiet right internally. This affects our tolerance level when normally we would be able to better tolerate them.

    So I say if you are not able to get pass the negative but normal feelings, then try cutting nursings down to those times when you both enjoy it most, like before bed or naptime. If after that you feel horribly annoyed then you may want to completely wean, instead of having unpleasant memories and feelings left.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    9

    Default Re: getting plain tired of it...

    thanks i know it is all normal and i definitely don't regret nursing this long because my daughter and i have a wonderful bond but i just need some time to myself and being a single mom, i just dont have any free time

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Houston Texas
    Posts
    584

    Default Re: getting plain tired of it...

    i am sorry you are feeling stressed and frustrated but look at what you have accomplished. You deserve an award for hanging in there so long. Please know you are an inspiration to other moms who are getting off to a bumpy start. LO is almost one year and I was hoping to survive that. I thought she would be done around then but i am happy to say it doesn't appear to be the case. So I thank you for selfishly BFing your baby, now other moms like myself can learn from you, and I know your LO thanks you too!

    BTW-I have heard that it is harder to wean the longer you nurse

    :
    wife , mom, maid , cook , taxi. All in a days work

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,404

    Default Re: getting plain tired of it...

    Hi, It seems like most of what I am reading here is "Congratulations on making it this far" And while I certainly don't want to take anything away from your accomplishment, I want to address some of your questions about guilt and looking back on the relationship. If you are looking for permission to quit, it seems you have two pages of blessings. But if you are looking for a way to continue and just continue a gentle weaning process, I'd like to speak on that as I am a little farther into my own journey.
    My son is 27months old and we are down to 3-5x a day. And we have had some very rough periods but overall, I have NEVER been sorry that I have continued to meet his needs. I am proud that I am still nursing him even as I am aware that we are in the process of weaning and have been since he was 14months old. It is a process and I think in the long run what works by allowing a weaning process of "until he's done" which is what you think when you hit a year and realize "there's no end in sight" becomes "when WE are done". In the same way that year two is so Very different from year one, year 3 is different still.
    In year one you are building an everlasting trust with your child by being their lifeline. The relationship they begin with you in your womb is continued outside of your body through breastfeeding. With their growth and health still being your complete responsibility. In year two, they are learning that they exist separately from you. And that idea is still new and often very frightening. There is a great deal of NEED for comfort nursing in the 2nd year. Yet there is no doubt about the fact that the nursing is happening less frequently. Anyone who is in their 2nd year of nursing IS in the process of weaning. No matter how often it seems like a child is still nursing. And at some points in the 2nd year like most things done in comfort, there are times when it is done out of boredom. One thing that begins in year two is the ability to negotiate and distract. Those tools are amazing. Because often i f I REALLY don't want to nurse during the day, I just have to be willing to offer up something more fun. And in the 2nd year I found at the point I could communicate it, I was able to both set limits and refuse.
    And in the 3rd year, which we may or may not make it all the way through,....things are different still. For one thing...the end IS in sight. I now KNOW that eventually my son WILL be done. And I am excited about that for him! Another thing that is different is that in this stage I am able to communicate enough with my child that he gets that this is something that WE do. And that in order for it to happen we BOTH have to WANT TO do it. And he is learning to be respectful of my limits and boundaries and I have been firmer about them since his 2nd birthday. Only because that's when his language really began to flourish. He is mindful about not pulling at my top when we are out in public. And asking very nicely. And when he is nasty or naughty and then wants to nurse afterwards, I refuse and explain to him that "we can't because it's something we do together and when he acts like that it makes me not want to." We work diligently to distract him, while being mindful of his needs. My DH was going outside tonight to grill and kept asking if he wanted to go outside and he said "I want to nurse 1st." OK. BUT in the last month we have hit a major breakthrough at bedtime. In that EVERY night now We nurse on both sides and then when I have had enough I say "no more. Let's go night night." And he asks for his water, and rolls over and GOES TO SLEEP ON HIS OWN!!!
    ANd I am beginning to work on the idea of we only do it "when we go to sleep"....that's where I want to be headed. (But right now he just asks to go to bed when he want to)
    So I just wanted to throw some things out there. I'm not sure where you and your child are as far as language. But I DO know that your relationship will change in the next 4-6months. And for me in year two was really when the Dance began. In year one I had to be on and available 100% of the time. In year two, I really got to pull that back quite a bit. I went back to work full time and we really did use it to reconnect. I needed it as much as he did. Now, I feel like I can play hard to get a little. Actually make my child meet some of my needs when it comes to nursing. And just a month ago I hit a wall and guess what? 2nd year molars. Teeth are the bane of my existence!!! But now we are back to 3x a night and once in the morning and a "hello" session in the evening that he sometimes needs and sometimes forgets....so you can certainly nudge your relationship along or help mold the direction it's headed into. But now that I am in the 3rd year, I can say for sure, that I am THRILLED by the knowledge that the end of nursing relationship will come with words and conversations. I will be able to reason and negotiate with him and ultimately we will decide together when we are done. I think there is much to be gained by allowing a child to come to terms with the end of such a hugely important relationship. And that it will do much for his self esteem to know I respected him enough to consult with him and that we made the decision together when it's time.
    Just a different perspective ...from a little farther in. Good luck to you!

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: getting plain tired of it...

    Hi - Firstly well done you! I've been posting on the forum because I stopped nursing my lo last friday. Its now been a week, and I thought I'd share with you how its been. Before I start, I also nursed my daughter (now 5) until she was 2.5 years, and my experience with her was totally different to the one I find myself in now. I stopped with Katie due to going into hospital, and when I came out, 2 days later, she never asked again - although I deperately wanted to nurse her again - it kind of felt like 2 loses at once if that make sense.
    With Ben, the first few days were ok on his part. He asked a couple of times, and I just said "no more milky", and he just toddled off and played. He also slept throught the night. Then the night before last, he really became inconsolable, cyring and pulling at my clothes - I cannot tell you how bad I felt. However, last night was not so bad again. He cried once, but was easily settled back to sleep, and this morning he has been a happy little fellow. I am in two minds whether to start again, but from what my family are saying looking in, they think that I am actually feeling worse about it. Everyone says he will be fine, and I'm know that he will, but it is so hard.
    Try not to feel guilty - you have done a brilliant job, and your lo couldn't have had a better start.
    Good luck with it!

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