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Thread: need a bit of encouragement

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    145

    Unhappy need a bit of encouragement

    hello again...
    i love coming here. i always hear what i need. so sorry to do it again, but i just need some encouragement.

    my son is 9 weeks old. he seem to be doing very well (not sure how much he weighs...haven't checked lately - was 11lbs4oz at 6wks). the thing is: i am surrounded by "scheduled" mommies. they all go by a book called babywise (i read it with tears...it sounds awful - schedule feeding/awake time/sleep time) anyway...i can't do that. i feel like i need to feed eli when he is hungry. but that is sometimes every hour and a half. for instance, he wakes up at 7am, eats, plays til 8:30, eats, sleeps til 10:30, eats, plays, etc(i hear "shouldn't he go 3 hours?")

    so...my question is...should he go every 3 hours? am i messing up his metabolism? should i give him a pacifier?

    then the sleep issue. he mostly sleeps w/ me. should i just put him down?
    is it bad to nurse him to sleep?

    thanks ladies...i feel alone except for here.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    You're doing wonderfully. Babywise IS a terrible book, and it has even been linked to failure-to-thrive problems b/c of the rigid scheduling. Ignore everyone around you and just follow your baby's expression of need.

    A lot of parents find that co-sleeping is the arrangement that lets everyone get the best sleep, especially when baby is young and nursing so frequently. All that night nursing is certainly a wonderful way to protect your milk supply. And nursing a baby to sleep is perfectly fine.

    I'm sorry you are surrounded by naysayers who are unhappy at the sight of an attached baby whose needs are being met by his loving mother. If you're fine with what you're doing, then don't give those other parents a second thought.

    Have you ever attended a LLL meeting? It's usually a great place to find other mothers who are nursing on cue and practicing attachment parenting.

    --Rebecca

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    284

    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    Luke JUST STARTED going 3 hours (sometimes still 2 ) and he will be 4 months on the 14th. And we cosleep as well. Today we had a particularly needy day and he was at the breast a lot. The way I see it is this is such a short time in their lives, I just sit back and enjoy it!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    145

    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    thank you so much. i haven't gone to a LLL meeting yet. i am going to look into that though. i need some friends that understand what i am doing...i feel like my sisters/friends around me just think "oh, she'll see..." even though this is my second baby, this is the first time i am breastfeeding for real...stella never latched (i saw 4 consultants, even took her for cranial-sacral therapy, she just couldn't latch right)...i pumped for 14 months exclusively! so she was a breastmilk baby...just from a bottle. she also slept w/ us...i just lied to my sisters/friends! it just seems so different now and i am unsure of myself...so thank you for the help. it is a huge relief to hear that i'm doing ok.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    1,565

    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    You are doing a wonderful job! Don't listen to the schedule-pushers, they can be very pushy, I got people saying that to me as well when my baby was a newborn and sometimes now too. Its frustrating. We co-sleep and nurse the baby to sleep as well. Its not harmful, despite what you'll hear the schedule people say. I am terrified of the scheduling. It doesn't allow you to be in tune with your baby. My baby is 5 mo. and eats on demand, which can be even every hour or so, sometimes more, it really depends. Just do what YOU feel is the right thing for YOUR baby. Its hard when others tell us we are doing wrong and then we worry about it. I would definately encourage you as well to attend a LLL meeting I have found it to be the best support I've had in parenting. Keep going with what you know is best.

  6. #6

    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    Repeat after me: "This is what works for me." "This is what works for our family." "We're happy with the way things are." "We don't consider (eating every hour/not sleeping through the night/lack of schedule) a problem."

    Said with a smile and a quick change of subject, few people will take offense.

    Some mothers find that when they people what works for their family in a matter-of-fact tone without any guilt or shame, people often "admit" to doing the same things!

    La Leche League (as you probably know) encourages cue-feeding rather than scheduled feeding for a number of reasons. It helps mom's milk supply, keeps baby satisfied, etc. If you had to double YOUR weight within 6 months, you'd be eating all the time, too, right? It sounds like you're doing a terrific job!

    Hugs
    Jen
    "Mothers are designed to be available to their babies--to help them make the transition into this big, wide world. To teach them to trust, and love, and feel good about being alive."
    --Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq., So I Nursed Him Every 45 Minutes

    Click here to find your local LLL Group
    How to tell if your breastfed baby is getting enough milk!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    I must be in the dark. I haven't heard of Babywise, so I haven't read it. My dd is 4 1/2 months old. Never has she gone more than 3 hours between feedings. Most of the time it's closer to 2 hours, but I don't really pay attention. We feed on demand and she's doing fantastic! Sounds like your doing great. Stick with it!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    Most of the time, I avoid answering questions about sleeping arrangements and schedules. I just answer that we are doing what is best for our family and Jason is thriving so it must be working.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: need a bit of encouragement

    Just tell your sister and friends that you are following a schedule... your baby's schedule No one tells them when they have to eat, right?! Your baby is just telling when he's hungry and if that's in one hour or three, it's fine. Good luck - you're definitely doing the right thing!

  10. #10
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    Cool Re: need a bit of encouragement

    I would like to echo the sentiments of all the pp's! We follow a schedule in our house...DD's schedule, when she is hungry, we nurse, when she is tired, we nap. More often than not I have to nurse her to sleep which I took (and still do) a lot of heat from friends and family, but that is what works for us. Same with the co-sleeeping arrangement, but again, this is what works for us. It is tiresome justifying your child-nurturing skills all the time but when you project confidence when you say, "this is what works best in our family", it is true people will get off your case. I would say you are doing a great job, keep up the good work and just go with the flow. I have found from my own personal experience that it is just not worth getting stressed out over, do what feels right for you and most importantly surround yourself with people who support your choices.

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