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Thread: frustrated at 3 months

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    916

    Unhappy frustrated at 3 months

    I have three kids. I tried nursing all of them but my last baby is the only one who would nurse. She is three months old ( for making it this long!) But it seems that I can never do anything. I cant make breakfast for the other kids and I can't even have a second to take a shower in the morning! All she wants to do is be held As I write this, she is crying. I think... I might be wrong.... but because I nurse her, she cant even put her self to sleep because she needs to be held. I don't feel like a woman.... I don't have time to do my hair.... or even wear 'normal' cloths (who am I kidding I dont fit into normal cloths yet! ) She has been crying all day for the past two weeks. I thought it could have been the shots. A few days after the shots I thought... nope its gotta be that she is hungry. So I usta feed her every 4 hours... (not on a schedule... just when she wants) Now I tried feeding her every time she crys.... about 1-2 hours. She will sleep for longer... but only if you hold her. She will eat.... but thats not what she really wants. She doesn't sleep well during th day.... 1/2 hr nap here and there... she is totally not like my other kids.... and I think its cause I nurse her! I really want to do this... its good for her... and I really need the help to lose the baby pounds. But I wana feel like a person... not a BOOB! I wana shower 2x a day. I want to do my hair. I need to do my hair... smell decent... not look like a dumpy ol' mom. I am only 27... I don't wana look 10 yrs older. Forgive me.... I should be getting my pd soon here I hope! words of encouragement please!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    9,280

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months



    I wish I could tell you something that would make it easier.
    But in my experience, it takes time for it all to settle down. I think around 4 months I finally got into a groove and was able to feel halfway decent. Lets not underestimate the power of growth spurts. 3 months is a prime time for one, hence the crying and round the clock eating. Those always bring me to my knees.

    I made lists for myself. Small ones: take shower, make dinner, go for a walk. I did not beat myself up over not cleaning the bathroom, or getting the dishes done.

    I also started to accept my child for who he is. I held him for naps (still do ), put him in the sling, responded to his needs. I truly believe that if you respond to their needs when they are younger, you will be repaid. My son is very independant now, but when he needs Mama, he knows he can come to me and I can give him the attention he needs and deserves.

    Is your DH able to take the kiddos while you shower in the evening or just take some time to yourself?
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2,178

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months

    It's nice to meet you mama! You're doing a great thing nursing your baby!

    Take a deep breath. You WILL get through this. First off, your baby isn't the way she is because you're breast feeding her. You are doing the best thing you can for her by breastfeeding her. Breastfeeding is the most natural and most comforting thing you could be doing for her right now. Bottle feeding doesn't magically equal more independent kids who cry less. It just doesn't work that way. There are tons of formula fed babies out there who have the same problems you're going through right now. Some formula fed babies have even more issues, because formula is much harder on babies stomachs than breastmilk.

    Your daughter is an individual. I'd be willing to bet that she just needs more physical comfort from you than your other babes did at this same stage. Some kids are just like that. She also could have some other issues going on, like problems with gas, or even colic. All normal things, but just not what you've experienced before.

    As far as the feeding goes, 4 hours is a bit long to go between nursing sessions for most new babies. Yes, it can happen, but most breastfeeding moms find that their babies need to eat closer to every 2 or 3 hours from the start of one nursing session to the start of the next during the day, with a longer stretch at night, but still needing to nurse a couple or more times during the night.

    Babies also go through growth spurts, where they need to eat much more frequently in order to build up your milk supply and get more per nursing session so they can grow bigger. That can go on for a time, but it will improve once your body responds to the demand for more milk by supplying more. A breastfeeding mom will find herself nursing every 1-2 hours during a growth spurt sometimes.

    I know what its like to have other kids and have a high needs baby on top of it...I remember feeling like you wrote in your post. My youngest son especially, needed to be firmly attached to me all the time. If I wasn't nursing him, I was holding him, even while he slept like you mentioned...plus, he was colicky, and he cried so hard for so long, it was almost too much to handle. There were things that really helped though, and I'll list them out for you here so you can try them:

    - Wear your baby. Literally, LOL. Find a baby carrier or sling and wear the baby all the time. Baby will get the comfort they need, and you will get your hands free and be able to move around. It won't make baby less independent. They'll be wanting down to run around soon enough, but it will give you some precious help and some sanity too. I made several ring slings, or you can buy them also. Target has a nice sling in their baby carrier section, or you can check out the baby wearing section of this forum. The slings I made look like the ring slings from www.mayawrap.com With a little practice, you can do tons of things while wearing your baby. Baby can nurse in a sling, and nap in a sling, and you can have both hands free to take care of your other kids. The only thing you can't do with baby in a sling, is cook while baby is riding in front.

    - Make up a section of a kid accessible cupboard in your kitchen with healthy snacks for your other kids. I stocked mine with tons of fruit cups, pudding cups, plastic spoons, raisins, healthy crackers, even little pkgs of cookies once in awhile. That way, if you need to stop and nurse the baby, but your other kids need to eat, you can send them to the cupboard for a quick healthy snack while you're feeding the baby.

    - Try showering at night while your dh watches the kids, or after they get in bed. That helped me a TON, and I don't think I would even get reg. showers without it. Your day will go 100 times better, if you are clean and can just get dressed when you wake up. Nothing makes you feel worse than not being able to get clean when you need to in the morning. It makes your whole day bad, and doesn't do much for your self esteem either.

    - Invest in a breastpump, even a manual one if you need to, or read up about hand expression if you can't afford a pump, and pump enough so that you can leave the kids with your DH or a sitter and go get your hair done. That's not something that I can afford all the time, but it certainly makes me feel alot better when I can. On a similar note, it also helps my POV to get out of the house at least once a week alone, even if it means that I'm just running to the grocery store for milk. Even a 30 min. walk will do wonders for your POV.

    And regarding getting your pd... have you had one yet since you had your baby? If not, then its common for breastfeeding moms to go much longer without getting one. I tend to be really fertile, and got mine back at 4.5 mos pp with DS#2, but with ds#1, it was more like 7.5 mos. Lots of mommies can go much longer than that even...some up to 18 mos. even. That is one of the biggest benefits of breastfeeding, not having to deal with all that junk too, so i hope you're one of the ones that gets a longer break, LOL. Usually, if you're exclusively breastfeeding, including at night, you'll get a much longer break from the pd than just a few months.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months

    For me, I feel like we've turned a corner at 5 months. Nothing was predictable until abt a week ago. My lo was nursing abt every 2 hrs and not sleeping well at all. Just recently he moved to every 3 hrs and is sleeping longer stretches. He just took an hour and 20 minute nap this morning, which is up from 30 minute cat naps that last less time than it took me to get him to go to sleep. Hang in there! It does get better... but I know how hard it is when your are going through it at the moment.
    Erin
    <a href=http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d189/sherllie/KateandOwenthumbnail.jpg target=_blank>http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d1...nthumbnail.jpg</a>

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    547

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months

    Hang in there, it does get better. Even if it just becomes more predictable 3 months is definitely a growth spurt period though and will make you feel like the baby is permanently attached to you. Definitely start looking for a chance to take a shower even if it's not at the normal time you would. It will make your day soo much better. My daughter is also a frequent eater, but at 3 1/2 mos. is just showing some signs of being able to go a little longer between some feedings, especially in the a.m. At night, she still wants to eat pretty frequently.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    443

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months

    I feel the same as you, but I think we should all gives ourselves a . Being a mom is not easy. You're doing great keep it up


    Quote Originally Posted by Jaimyh View Post
    I have three kids. I tried nursing all of them but my last baby is the only one who would nurse. She is three months old ( for making it this long!) But it seems that I can never do anything. I cant make breakfast for the other kids and I can't even have a second to take a shower in the morning! All she wants to do is be held As I write this, she is crying. I think... I might be wrong.... but because I nurse her, she cant even put her self to sleep because she needs to be held. I don't feel like a woman.... I don't have time to do my hair.... or even wear 'normal' cloths (who am I kidding I dont fit into normal cloths yet! ) She has been crying all day for the past two weeks. I thought it could have been the shots. A few days after the shots I thought... nope its gotta be that she is hungry. So I usta feed her every 4 hours... (not on a schedule... just when she wants) Now I tried feeding her every time she crys.... about 1-2 hours. She will sleep for longer... but only if you hold her. She will eat.... but thats not what she really wants. She doesn't sleep well during th day.... 1/2 hr nap here and there... she is totally not like my other kids.... and I think its cause I nurse her! I really want to do this... its good for her... and I really need the help to lose the baby pounds. But I wana feel like a person... not a BOOB! I wana shower 2x a day. I want to do my hair. I need to do my hair... smell decent... not look like a dumpy ol' mom. I am only 27... I don't wana look 10 yrs older. Forgive me.... I should be getting my pd soon here I hope! words of encouragement please!
    Exclusively and every minute of it!!
    SAHM Magic Mama to Rowdy
    Born 10/13/07 ALL NATURAL
    9lbs 10 oz, 21" long


    Excited about becoming a LC!!!!!!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    42

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months

    Sounds like you have "high maintenance" baby. Mine was the same way. I have a 3.5 month old and it is slowly getting better.

    I like the suggestions of using a sling and showering at night. I did that and it was much easier.

    Another thing I suggest is you could consider letting her sleep in your bed. We co-sleep with ours and boy, it saves me from getting up in the middle of the night x times to drag my butt to her room. If she's right there with you you can nurse her and hold her pretty effortlessly. Maybe that will satisfy some of her "holding" needs.

    good luck!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,421

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months

    I only have the one child, and I still couldnt get anything done for the first few months. I am not going to lie to you and say I know ho you feel cuz, well, 3 kids is more than I think I could even handle!!! So I will jsut send you a hug and let you know that there are some great women on here that will be able to help.
    Danielle

    Mom to Gage 12/28/06

    Wife to Trinity 6/21/03 my best friend

    ed for year, finally done!!!!
    for more than a year now!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    23

    Default Re: frustrated at 3 months

    My son is exactly the same way! I feel for you...although he is our first and only 2 mos.
    For a while I was attached to him, and only recently has he been able to sit by himself for a little while- but not long. As far as sleeping, we are struggling with that as well...he gets tired after about 2 hours and usually cannot sleep without being rocked or held- and if I put him down in the bassinet he needs a pacifier- and if that drops, he will wake. I get plenty of exercise running back and forth to him when he is napping. (our fault for letting him have the pacifier though)

    I breastfed exclusively until it seemed he wasn't satisfied and I tried formula out of desperation...I think that with the combination of the bottle (so my husband can help) has turned him off of nursing for the most part. Trying to remedy that though.
    So I don't think it has anything to do with nursing.

    I have a bassinet that vibrates, which he loves. It is a lifesaver, and is helping me to get him to fall asleep without being held...but it is a process.

    I'm sure it will all work itself out- that's what I keep telling myself!

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