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Thread: Need Advice!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Exclamation Need Advice!!

    My dd is 13 mos old and still breastfeeding. I had planned on weaning at a year, but failed due to her resistence. Now I am practically at my wits end. I badly want to wean...I'm not happy with our relationship and neither is my baby. All day long for the past year she has been a very irritable touchy baby. After I give her a full meal (table foods/baby foods) she is at her happiest, I'm beginning to think its my milk that causes her so much "pain?" We just moved practically a week ago and she is suffering from MAJOR seperation anxiety. If I set her down anywhere (highchair, the floor, on the bed) she screams. I can't leave her alone with anyone or she literally cries bloody murder, as if I'm never going to return home to her. Has anyone else had this much trouble? I need a break and an end to our bf relationship. I just want to have a happy baby and a close bond with her, but all our bf is doing is making me want to create distance from her. Somebody please help...tell me what to do!? Thanks...any comments and advice is GREATLY appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    I cannot give you experience but I have read that weaning during a big change or transition is not recommended. Here is a good resource you may find helpful.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    You sound frustrated and I can understand that.

    I don't have any advice on weaning as I'm still nursing my 19 mo old (we are night weaned though), but I would like to mention that the neediness/clingyness may not be directly related to the breasfeeding it self. It is a stage and even moms who dont BF go through such things.

    Good luck
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  4. #4
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    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    I think the clinginess is more due to her age than the bf. This is a stage all babies go through.

    Here is a link on weaning info if you are still interested in that:
    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html
    Mom to Lainey (11-8-06)

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    Quote Originally Posted by dn7prh View Post
    My dd is 13 mos old and still breastfeeding. I had planned on weaning at a year, but failed due to her resistence. Now I am practically at my wits end. I badly want to wean...I'm not happy with our relationship and neither is my baby. All day long for the past year she has been a very irritable touchy baby. After I give her a full meal (table foods/baby foods) she is at her happiest, I'm beginning to think its my milk that causes her so much "pain?" We just moved practically a week ago and she is suffering from MAJOR seperation anxiety. If I set her down anywhere (highchair, the floor, on the bed) she screams. I can't leave her alone with anyone or she literally cries bloody murder, as if I'm never going to return home to her. Has anyone else had this much trouble? I need a break and an end to our bf relationship. I just want to have a happy baby and a close bond with her, but all our bf is doing is making me want to create distance from her. Somebody please help...tell me what to do!? Thanks...any comments and advice is GREATLY appreciated.

    I also wanted to comment that my baby also has been what I would considered high-needs since she was born. She wants mom or dad and no one else. For several months she would scream constantly whenever anyone else held her. She knows exactly what she wants and is not happy unless she gets it . It is also very hard to distract her with something else. This is not a bf issue, though, but is just her personality. I did not realize how different DD was from other babies until I was around some other babies who had more gentle personalities. That does not mean there is anything wrong with a high-needs baby, they just need to be treated a little differently. We have tried to work on these issues and she is getting "better". My DD is 14 months old.

    Why do you think your milk causes your lo "pain"? If your lo is eating the same foods that you are, then I would think she would have just as many problems after a meal as after nursing. Usually when there is an issue with a mother's milk it is because the lo is allergic to something the mother is eating. So, I am not for sure why your milk would be causing pain if the table food doesn't.
    Mom to Lainey (11-8-06)

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    You sound really frustrated and I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I don't have much advice to give, since I haven't weaned my 15 mo old. I have seen other posts that suggest the best way to wean your child is to "don't offer, don't refuse." I think it is based on the idea that if you refuse the breast when the child requests it, it can cause them to be more clingy and insistant, but if you go slowly they have more time to get used to the idea of (for example) cuddling instead of nursing.

    I'm not sure how you would overcome that if you want to wean more rapidly, though, as I believe this approach takes more time. I started doing it a couple of months ago and, while she is still nursing (which is fine with me) my daughter does nurse less frequently when I don't offer it at her 'typical' nursing times (ie. bedtime, naptime, when she's upset).

    I wish I had some more advice for you, but I hope that helps.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  7. #7
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    Mar 2007
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    Unhappy Re: Need Advice!!

    Thank you all for you support and comments regarding my issue. I am extremely stressed out. It’s just really hard because I have absolutely no help or support. When I've tried to ask for help from my relatives...they nag me about it and complain leaving me to feel guilty for taking up their time. I spend most of my weeks (yes the entire week) inside a home (I’m a sahm). Just me, my baby, and our dog. The father isn't in the picture....and boy do I wish I was married...to have a least someone’s support. I never have the opportunities to do things for myself...I can't even remember the last time I did anything away from my baby for myself...with friends or something. I would really like to get a job in order to form some "me" time although there would be other "new" people involved, but at least I would have some social life outside my nuclear family. But then I don't know if getting a job would be the best thing...I definitely can't get one until I wean my lo though. Sorry for the rambling I just need to get this all out....I don't really have anyone to talk to if you can't already tell. How do moms do it....go back to work when they haven't even weaned yet...or from being a stay at home mom for over two years? Thanks again for any comments or advice....I need this! Without this forum I would be complete lost and alone! Thanks everyone!!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    I am sorry to hear you feel so stressed. I am not sure anything I can say will help, because actually my 6 year old still hasn't quite stopped, let alone my 2 month old. I did not intend to breast feed for so long - I went back to work after 4.5 months and had intended to stop then, but my first child would not take the bottle or a cup, so I had no choice. I hated it at first and was worried about whether it would ever stop, but after a while I just accepted things for how they were, and kept telling myself that it was a short time in my life but an important time in his life, which I do believe.

    You wonder about getting a job and say you can't until you have weaned. My experience would suggest you can. I worked at home until my baby was about 7 or 8 months, but after that I was away from around 8 am until 7pm every day and we just fed in the morning and evening (and night!!). I worried about whether he got enough milk especially as he was a picky eater but he survived (and is now on the 90th percentile for height and weight so I guess he didn't starve).

    maybe it would do you good to have some more adult company and feel you were doing something that was totally for you? It might make you feel better about your child and your relationship, and breastfeeding. Even if it is just part time and not the greatest job in the world, it might still be nice to get out, and a platform to think about something better in a couple of years. Or how about a course?

    hope things start to look up

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    I feel for you! My first child was like that! I could not put her down. She was a bottle fed baby. It is not your milk hon. I think you are tying to find a way to blame yourself. Its ok, I was a single mom for several years. And as tough as it was I survived. As for you lack of adult companionship, I as well have been there. I don't know what your beliefs are but are you involved in church? While a relationship with Christ is vital, fellowship with other is a great perk to going to church and is the main reason for being a member of a church. That is what we are to do, edify one another. Lifting each other up in times of need. I hope this was a help to you! :hell

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Need Advice!!

    Quote Originally Posted by dn7prh View Post
    How do moms do it....go back to work when they haven't even weaned yet...or from being a stay at home mom for over two years? Thanks again for any comments or advice....I need this! Without this forum I would be complete lost and alone! Thanks everyone!!!
    Hi! I wanted to make a couple of comments...1st, has your child recently started to walk? Walking makes separation anxiety go up 10 fold. It's the 1st time they really become aware that they are separate people from you. Increased nursing during this difficult time in their young lives helps them cope with the fact that they aren't in fact actually "attached" to you.
    2nd, right around this time in my sons life, he was going through the worst bout of teething he EVER had which was all four of his molars coming in at once. Obviously nursing helps tremendously with teething pain.
    3rd, it doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. After the year point your body is well regulated in the dept of making milk. I went back after being a SAHM full time at 14months. I didn't pump and he just drank water during the day. Nothing bad happened to either of us. Or my supply. So in that I'd like to suggest possibly going out and getting a part time job? It's hard not to nurse on demand if you are THERE for every second of the day. I think the resentment from someone trying to get back up inside you all day in pretty normal. I remember reaching a point with my son where I went "You know, I think some time a part would probably be good for both of us!" And it was. And it is. My son is in Day care two days a week and with family the rest of the time. But WE are apart for 5 days a week at least 8hours a day and it's ok. Even if I was still home full time I let him go to his daycare. he loves it there! And our nursing relationship, while it has limits on it...which I struggled with putting on it while I was home is more valuable to me because we do it less. AND I think there is less suffering for everyone if it is a SLOW process. You know? He just turned two and we are down to about 3X a day. And I am getting better at saying "NO. Not right now. Lets do A, B and C and THEN we can nurse." OR "We can nurse OR we can do ______" and letting him choose the activity. For me personally the ability to reason with him is as important in the weaning process as it will be in potty training. It's nice to know that he understands what we are doing. Just some thoughts I thought I'd throw at you. 13months is a hard time all around. It's ok to want time away and if you can build it into your routine AND get paid for it (A JOB) all the better!Good Luck!

    Way too lazy for formula

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