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Thread: DH Issues...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    159

    Thumbs down DH Issues...

    Our 9 week old son has got some daddy issues. I went to the market today w/ my sister for 1 hr., and my son cried hysterically the entire time I was gone. When DH comes home from work and holds him for even a minute, DS cries hysterically. I am not exagerating when I describe it as hysterical. I don't know what to do. It breaks my heart to know that if I leave for any amount of time, this is what's going on. It's discouraging to DH, but I don't know what to say. I want to know if this is something that anyone else has gone through, and if it's something he'll just outgrow, or if there's something that DH isn't doing, or should stop doing...I'm at a loss. And it seems to be just him, not my brother, or sister or parents. What's going on?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    185

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    Yesterday, we both thought Chance was developing daddy issues. He'd spend the majority of the day in his car seat, running errands with us and was a very unhappy, unsocial baby by the time we got home. Wouldn't look at us, wouldn't smile, cried when my husband tried to hold him, etc. Then he nursed and took a four hour nap. I had him lying between us on the couch as he was starting to wake up. He opened his eyes, saw both of us looking at him, and broke into the cheesiest grin a one month old baby can manage.

    Your little could have been needing you particularly for some reason or just having a cranky mood. But encourage your husband to interact with baby as much as possible. My husband is the designated baby burper in our house. They hang out on the couch quite a bit and take naps together. And from moms of older babies whom I know, it seems to get easier when baby is older and husband can play more physically with them.

    ~~ Meri

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    443

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    Please let your husband know its not him... honestly its MOMMYITIS. Its soo hard at that age, for both mommy and daddy. Daddy wants soo much to hold and bond with baby and mommy wants to get a break. My husband went through the same thing. Little babies need and want their mommies, they are familiar, their smell, touch ect. My DD would cry too everytime Daddy held her and it really hurt because he really wanted to hold her. It gets better. Keep trying I find the best time is just after I feed, Baby is usually quite happy and satisfied. Also try skin to skin contact with daddy... or even take a blanket with mommies smell and put it on daddy's chest.

    It does get better.. Daddy becomes more fun and they will play with daddy, tell him not to give up, your little one will want him soon enough.
    Kim

    Claire 08/27/06 7lbs 11 onces 21 in.
    Addison (Addi) 10/17/08 8lbs 11 ounces 21 in.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    16

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    I don't have much advice but I want you to know you are not alone. My daughter is almost 11 weeks old and she does the same thing. She wants me all the time. She crys when I leave her with dh. My oldest was the same way always wanted mommy until he got old enough to play...then he wanted DADDY and I found myself missing him. The tides will turn.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,048

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    Yup. I've been there too. Give the guys time to work things out a little at a time. Why it only happens with dad? I have two theories: 1. Baby know that daddy lives with mommy and should know darn well where mommy is. Baby is comfortable "communicating" (screaming head off) with dad and therefore will demand that he bring him to mom. or 2. Dad is tense about the situation and baby can sense it. Regardless it WILL pass.. but if you give them time alone regularly I think it will pass sooner. I was the stay at home parent and the primary care giver. I responded and dad gave up way too many times when she was tiny and by the time she was verbal she'd say things like "don't want daddy! want mommy!!" Finally I started going away regularly (Tried a Saturday morning yoga class for a little while, for example) and also insisting that DAD do it for her, even if both she and dad preferred that I do it. They became more comfortable with each other then. I stopped being the favorite after the third birthday. I don't mind one bit.

  6. #6
    lmcok is offline Shares Widely And Frequently
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    471

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    This is totally normal! My dh thought our lo hated him for the longest time! At 3 1/2 months when she started to smile and interact more, they really started bonding; now that she's about to turn 6 months, he is the light of her world...I get jealous sometimes! I had a similar situation with the grocery store...he called me in the middle of shopping (first time I had left him alone with her) begging me to come back....said so sorry, baby you've got to start figuring things that will work for you...and he did! It took time, but they are really bonded now. Here's another thread that was just like this that could offer further assistance, advice, etc... Tell him to hang in there...it gets better, and let him know he's not alone...PROMISE!!!

    http://forums.lalecheleague.org/showthread.php?t=38200

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    6,959

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    I agree. Totally normal, its a stage.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    159

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    Thank you for the advice, I was ready to suggest that DH shave off all his facial hair, thinking that maybe Roger was scared by it

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    I'm still new at the daddy thing, but one very specific thing I've found to work with ours is my own version of the "happiest baby on the block" technique (http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/). When the LO is screaming and flailing, I'll calmly but firmly swaddle him - he'll wriggle around in it, but if the blanket is somewhat stretchy, it'll keep him from working free - then pick him up football-style with him on his side (VERY important! For whatever reason, it doesn't work if he's face-up) and gently rock him side-to-side, just two fingers supporting his head, and even if it's the unstoppable hunger cry, he's always calmed after about a minute. Of course, if it really is hunger, then feed him!

    I also like shushing, but the LO needs to hear it over his screams. Try to time your shushes during his gasps for breath.

    Everyone else's advice was also right on the mark - it might seem like a lot, but dad should try following all of it at one time or another. Even though our LO is still too young to interact much with us, it's really an amazing feeling to have him fall asleep in our arms (or on our chests). It really is worth the effort!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    589

    Default Re: DH Issues...

    It will get better! Oh I remember it so well, it was so frustrating. I could never go anywhere without lO screaming the whole time. Well, now at 8.5 months, I got to go to a ladies church retreat last night (overnight!)! ds was fine with daddy! In fact, he is more content to play when with him bc when I am around, he just wants mommy to hold him! SO, hang in there . . . one thing that worked for us was I nver left lo alone at night bc that is when he was fussiest. SO if I HAD to go, I would go in the am or afternoon.

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