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Thread: I'm getting extremely frustrated

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    26

    Unhappy I'm getting extremely frustrated

    I posted over a week ago (if you've been there and done that please help!) and was started to have progress in night weaning my 21 month old dd.

    We co-sleep and instead of nursing on the bed, we'd nurse on the couch a few minutes, I'd take her to the bed and she'd fall asleep.

    We went from 4-5 night wakings to 2 - and I was thrilled.

    However, the past 2 nights have been unbearable - and I can tell she's getting a cold and teething at the same time - but I'm so frustrated about the constant nursing and trouble getting back to sleep that it's giving me extreme anxiety. I can't nurse her like this anymore. I think she understands that I'm so upset - but I want to keep my cool. I feel awful.

    Any suggestions? Have any of you ever gotten this desperate? We are both ending up in tears and it really freaks her out to see me crying. I feel like I've done wrong by her by making her so dependant on me for falling asleep! This can't be the way to go.

    I'm pregnant - and really don't think that like this I'll be able to tandem nurse. What can I do?????????

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    138

    Default Re: I'm getting extremely frustrated

    eyeagnes,
    I'm sorry I'm not a been there, done that'er, but I can sympathize. My dd battles me at sleep time (today for nap, I actually had to "catch" her taking off for the edge of the bed, coax her into nursing, and then she fell asleep). Bedtime has been a real battle for us too, and I too am getting to that point where I am ready for a change. My dd is 9 mos. old and I am worried that our nightime issues are going to stay for another couple of years if I don't do something now. I have been reading the no cry sleep solution and I think I might start implementing some of the things in there.
    One of the things its suggests for your situation is getting daddy to take over during the night and find other ways to get dd back to sleep - I don't know if that is an option for you. Other ways to get back to sleep include daddy offering water, rocking, singing, etc. Also, it talks about you possibly sleeping in another room for awhile, until night weaning has happened. I would suggest reading that book - I think they also have one specifically aimed for toddlers.
    Also, I think it helps to remember that you can only do what you can do. I have had break-downs from time to time because I wasn't able to live up to my ideal of "super-mom" but I have found that I just have to do the best I can and not beat myself up over my shortcomings. That just makes me depressed and I'm sure it seeps over to my dd. So, if you don't think tandem nursing is for you, then I think you should feel really good about nursing as long as you have and maybe it is okay to wean (at least in the nightime for now).
    Just my thoughts, hope it helps.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    1,064

    Default Re: I'm getting extremely frustrated

    You sound terribly exhausted and frustrated. I can only imagine how you must feel--I often feel that I'm at my wits end with my 26 month old (who has never been a good sleeper) and I'm not pregnant! Unfortunately, I don't have an BTDT advice for you either as I am just getting ready to take the plunge and try to night wean. But I do know how frustrating it can be to be exhausted in the middle of the night with a baby who just won't sleep. I have ended up in tears many times myself. You mentioned that you were seeing progress for a little while until suddenly a regression, and you mentioned teething and illness. If you really think your daughter isn't feeling well, maybe you could put your night weaning plans on hold for a few days. I know that my DS has MUCH more difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, and going back to sleep after he wakes when he's sick. It may just be that she isn't able to fall back to sleep on her own while she's sick or teething the way she could when she was not. Have you tried any tylenol or ibuprofen for the teething pain? I don't like to give my son any meds unless absolutely necessary, but if you're at your wits end... If you can't bear to do even a couple more nights (which I wouldn't blame you) or if your daughter doesn't begin making progress again after she's feeling better, then maybe the option of having your husband take over some night duty might be a good choice. I have personally never tried this, but I know it has worked for many others. I have read both of the No Cry Sleep Solution books (the one for babies and for toddlers/preschoolers) and there are some good suggestions in there. Also, there is a method described I believe on Dr. Jack Newman's website (I don't remember the link but I can try to find it) that moves through the process pretty quickly. I hope you can get some sleep and feel better soon!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    26

    Default Re: I'm getting extremely frustrated

    Thank you both for your replies.
    I too have read the "no-cry sleep solution" and would really like to be diligent about a bedtime routine.

    Well, dd is a bit sick, but last night and the night before I told her while nursing (calmly) that she has to stop and that the "leche" goes night night - so she said "good night" and went to bed. (mind you we did this a few times)

    I'll keep you all posted.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    21

    Default Re: I'm getting extremely frustrated

    Eyeangus,

    As I mentioned in another few posts, I have had to wean my 25 month old son ASAP for medical reasons (of my own) and it has actually been going a lot better than I expected. To tell you the truth, I think a lot of his requests to nurse were just out of habit. Activities and favorite snacks are working well as distractions. I admit bedtime is tough -- we are going for evening drives, letting him fall asleep then transfering to his bed. I am soothing him with singing, rocking and rubbing his back. He actually slept through the night since the first time that he was born two nights ago, much to my amazement. I realize now he was waking to nurse. We did the weaning as gradually as we could, but I had to do it before a medical test so I had a dealine of over a few days. I haven't nursed since sat. night, when I just did one side for a few minutes. I am sad about the weaning in some ways, but am relieved as I am feeling a physical difference that I hope means good news for my medical situation. I think they are stronger and understand more than we think -- and to take care of them we have to also take care of ourselves, or at least that's what I have been telling myself. Good luck!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    26

    Default Re: I'm getting extremely frustrated

    Wow - thanks for the encouragement.

    My daughter only nurses for naps and bedtime - and sometimes when she wakes up groggy. I'll give the distractions a try for sure - and I may have to do the night time drives.

    What did you do when he'd wake up in the middle of the night wanting to nurse?

    I think after she gets over the cold - I just may try some more things out. Thanks again.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    68

    Default Re: I'm getting extremely frustrated

    I was wondering what your living situation is like? do you have a husband/SO or other adult family member that could help with the bedtime routine. Maybe for the midnight wake ups, the other person could care for her. My daughter refuses to go to bed without nursing when I put her to bed or go get her at nght, but if I am out of the room, and my husband puts her down, she is just fine with a back pat (some crying, but we do not leave her alone, he rocks/holds/loves on until she goes to sleep) for the most part. Maybe if you traded bedtime routines for a while, she might get used to not nursing and adjust?

    HTH
    Sarah

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    21

    Default Re: I'm getting extremely frustrated

    Hi Eyeangus,

    When he wakes in the night wanting to nurse (which he stopped doing after about a week) I sang to him, rubbed his back, smoothed his hair, and a couple of times had to walk him around.

    I did wean my son completely as every medical professional I spoke with told me I had to for them to truly evaluate my medical situation, which sadly, is most likely premature ovarian failure, aka early menopause. I am 37 and have been told I have about an 8% chance of ovulating again. Needless to say, we are totally devastated. Western medicine basically won't treat you, it's just HRT or a donor egg, so I am going to try accupuncture and herbal remedies (TCM)...

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