Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    90

    Default I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    DS is 20 months and I have a 5 week old too. Right now I am tandem nursing but ever since I had the baby I feel like I want to wean DS. The problem is, he nurses constantly (always did before DD came too) and has a mouth full of teeth and it hurts my nipple when he nurses. I try to get him to be more gentle but he doesn't understand. And when I try to nurse my baby he wants to be right there. It's hard to nurse both of them at the same time although I do it sometimes. If I don't give in and let him nurse when he wants to he has a meltdown. Sometimes when he nurses it gives me the same feeling as when somebody scratches their nails down a chalkboard. I get the creeps. That's what makes me feel guilty. I love the little guy so much and I don't want to hurt him but he's totally not ready to wean and I don't know what to do. I knew things would be hard when I had the baby.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    6,959

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    How difficult. From listening it sounds like the key problem is that you are ready to wean, but your baby is not. A breastfeeding relationship is working when both mama and baby are doing ok.
    It sounds like you have quite a bit on your plate. Having a demanding child in addition to a new baby can be very tricky to balance.

    Have you given any thought to gradually dropping a feeding here and there? Would setting some time for the two of you to snuggle or rock in chair before your 18 mo old baby was over-tired or cranky help?

    Here is a fantastic response to someone else's post:

    Quote Originally Posted by Karen Gromada View Post
    I think making night-time changes at two years will be easier in many ways because they understand a fair amount of language. However, it will probably go better to work on one thing at a time -- either night weaning or moving to another bed/mattress. Both things at once are likely to be more than they can handle.

    After you've chosen which to start with, I'd suggest the prep method. (If you have Mothering Multiples, I think this info about toddlers and night-time is in the last chapter.) The idea of the prep method is simply to prepare them for the change vs. abrupt implementation. So the day you want to make the change, let them know what to expect that night in simple language, e.g. "You're big boys now and big boys don't need (insert your word for BF) at night (or "when it's dark outside"). So starting tonight when it's bedtime or if you wake up during sleep time, no (your word for BF) til the sun is out again, but Daddy or I will get you some water, and Daddy or I will rub your back to help you get back to sleep." (If they're speaking fairly well, you could ask them what they'd like -- or give each a couple of choices for how he'd like to be comforted.)

    Use your own words or do the bed/mattress change first, but in any case, keep wording short and simple. Then repeat the same exact words several times during that day. Just before bedtime, repeat again "Remember what we talked about, starting tonight..." When either does wake, remind whoever wakes about the plan using the same words. Have the drink of water (or whatever comfort measure was decided on) ready to go so it can be used immediately.

    A lot of toddlers don't even fuss, but some may protest a little. Most are quickly fine with the other form of comforting when it's expected. Don't start this if you don't think you can deal with a bit of protest as that will only "teach" them that they can get around mom or dad with a bit of a protest. (Obviously, illness or other things may create a need for flexibility.) Often within a few days, toddlers start sleeping longer and longer.

    This is one of those things that sounds as if it couldn't possibly work yet it almost always does.

    If not ready for the above, another option (that still works better with some repeated prep) is the "you can (word for BF) til I count to 10 (or 20) and then it's time to lie down and go to sleep again. Count slow or fast depending on circumstances.

    You could also them know that you are so tired that you feel you may cry (little ones understand tears) and you need more sleep time...
    Last edited by carpentergirl; December 19th, 2007 at 01:57 PM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    90

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    I try to distract him but sometimes it seems like the more I do that, the more "nummy" he wants. Last night when I looked at him I realized that he, too, was still just a baby and really needs me. I guess I'm just overwhelmed by having the two of them now. Thank you for your response.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it


    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    122

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it


    Just wanted to say , since I will be in your position in a few weeks. My DD is 19 months, and baby is due 1/30.

    Everyone I've talked to says that the first couple of months with your second child are the hardest. Maybe you could just try to hang in there the best you can for 3 more weeks (or whatever goal seems attainable to you) and then re-evaluate. Remember, it's okay to set limits for your toddler, even if he cries. In the end, what LO's need most is a happy mommy!

    Good luck, and look for my questions about tandem nursing next month!
    -Jill

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    6,959

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    I don't have any person experience I can share about this matter. But I really think part of this process will be understanding your own needs and limitations. A good mother is one who respects her own boundaries. If you are feeling like you just need some extra help for a while, is there someone who could give you a hand for a hour a day? Maybe some extra attention for your older baby would really break up the pattern here. I commend you for posting, and getting feedback from other mothers. Being a new mother with even less sleep than normal is extremely hard. Your doing a great job mama!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    213

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    I didn't tandem nurse, but I SO understand what you're feeling.
    Other posters are right, don't feel guilty about doing anything you need to do for your own piece of mind!

    Also, IT DOES GET EASIER! My girls are now nearly 5 and nearly 3 and are best buddies. I can't imagine how I survived those first few months (years) but I did! AND YOU WILL TOO! :-)

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    90

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    I guess I do need to set some limits. It IS easier when other people are around but so far that has been very few times. When the baby gets a little bigger and the weather improves we will spend more time outdoors and I'm sure that will help a lot. Thanks so much everybody!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    161

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    I know EXACTLY how you feel! I'm right there with you. I just nursed DD to sleep and I wanted to rip my boob out of her mouth, throw her in her bed, and run screaming out of the house. She's 2.5 and my baby is now 7.5 mos. I've felt this way on and off since before the baby was born. Sometimes I can handle it and I wonder why I ever felt that way, then it comes back and I want to never nurse her again.

    I am just trying to take it a day at a time. But it's the temper tantrums that really get to me. If I can't/won't nurse her for some reason she screams at me and just wants it more and more. The longer I distract her, the more she wants. The more I nurse her, the more she wants. It's a no-win with her. The only time I can keep her at bay is if we're out--which is hard when the baby is little.

    I just try and remind myself "I can always wean tomorrow" just to get through today. She's so not ready for it, but I really, really am. Sorta...only not really...

    Hate to say this, but I'm glad it's not just me Have you read Adventures in Tandem Nursing? It has some great stuff in it! Always makes me feel more sane. I just can't seem to find my copy since I moved...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    63

    Default Re: I want to wean but feel guilty about it

    Firstly, I would say to you that you have been incredible for hanging in that long.
    You should not feel guilty about weaning. I am sure that soon it will get a lot easier for you and you will be a lot happier with your little ones.

    Great job!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •