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Thread: I need to vent before I cry

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    1,421

    Default I need to vent before I cry

    OK, Gage is turning 1 next month and I seem to be having quite a problem with it. I feel like I am being cheated and cheating my son. I know I have missed out on so much. I have done the math and I have to work, there is no question. And I was OK with that. Until last week when Gage was sick and I was home most of the week. I loved being home. But in the back of my head I felt guilty for not going to work and that made me feel guilty, like I am a bad mom for feeling torn.

    Yesterday we went to dinner with some friends, she is a SAHM. She kept going on and on about how great it is and blah blah blah. Then she's asking me things like wouldn't daycare pay for the insurance and do you really need the $$. Well, yes I do. No, it isn't for a BMW or a 3000 sq ft house it is for food and diapers.

    I have had a few moments of anger towards my DH for having his own business but if he worked for someone doing what he used to he would be miserable. Not to mention he had the business before we met so I knew what I was getting into.

    Ugh, I dunno. I just feel yucky. That is the only was to describe it. Sorry this is so long but I just needed to get it out. I can't talk to DH because he already feels guilty. Thanks for being there for me
    Danielle

    Mom to Gage 12/28/06

    Wife to Trinity 6/21/03 my best friend

    ed for year, finally done!!!!
    for more than a year now!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry



    It is really hard to feel torn between your LO and work. It is hard for me too. Somedays it doesn't feel like I do either one very well.

    I know a few SAHM's too. I can't help but feel jealous that they get to spend so much time with their children.

    Is your LO happy? That is all that matters!
    Melissa, mom to my very busy 4-year-old little man and super busy 2-year-old princess.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    I know exactly what you are going through, sweetie! I work full time because 1) we live in NY and the cost of living is outrageous -- and I will not move because my whole family and life happiness is here 2) because my mom and MIL take turns watching my son and I know he is happy and is in good hands, and 3) I want to make a better life for DS and don't want to leave all the burden on DH....

    With all that said, there are days where I feel like I am cheating my son and myself out of precious time together that I will never get back once it is gone. I have been reflecting on this a lot now since he is turning one this week as well. And to top it off, I have been wanting to have another one but just cannot see how I can work fulltime with 2 LO's and we are not in a position to have me work part time at all. So it is a constant debate with me and DH as well. It's tough, but at the end of the day there is NO BETTER FEELING than coming home to see my LO's face light up as I walk through the door!
    Loving mama to S - 11/06, and F - 1/09

  4. #4
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    Jun 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    I am a SAHM, so I have not walked in your shoes. But I can imagine how hard it would be. I applaud all the WOHMs, because I'm sure it's not easy. (Staying at home has its own challenges, but working must be very hard for many reasons.) I just wanted to say that I am certain you are not a bad mom. You are doing your very best to meet your LO's needs, by working to keep him clothed and cared for, and by loving on him as much as you can when you're home. Whether you SAH or WOH, quite often you end up making some sacrifices. What it comes down to is the fact that, if you're loving your LO in whatever ways you can, that's what he will remember years from now. He will remember how you stayed home with him when he was sick and needed you most and that you worked hard to provide for him. I think you're doing great!
    I love my kids. I care for them accordingly. What more can I say?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    Oh he is very happy.

    He loves his DCP. Sometimes that upsets me too. Like yesterday he kept reaching for HER when I wanted to take him home. And she asked me if he really knows what is home and who is mommy.
    Danielle

    Mom to Gage 12/28/06

    Wife to Trinity 6/21/03 my best friend

    ed for year, finally done!!!!
    for more than a year now!

  6. #6
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    May 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    He knows. I promise you he does.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    Trust me, he knows! Sometimes my LO will choose my my mom over me (and it hurts me a little too) but it is the times in the middle of the night or when he really needs comforting that he wants his momma, and only his momma!
    Loving mama to S - 11/06, and F - 1/09

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    Gosh, I could have written your post myself. I feel guilty ALL THE TIME about not staying home with my girls. I love our DCP and the girls are happy there, but I feel horrible that I cannot be with them more. We've done the finances over and over and it's a no-go for me not to work. I make as much as DH and he has a significant child support payment for my stepson, so our hands are tied. I do have a flexible job, though, and don't travel or work really long hours, so I can be with my girls every evening and all weekend. I had to distance myself from my SAHM friends to some degree b/c of my guilt and negative feelings of jealousy - like it crosses my mind that I "chose poorly" in the DH department - why can't he make more? Then I get mad at myself for thinking that. He makes good money and is home every night for us. I think I'd rather we both be home in the evenings than have him working 80 hours a week or something like that. That's my rationalization. to you mama - I know how you feel

    Amy

  9. #9
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    Sep 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    Oh, and my dd1 is now 2.5 years old - believe me, they know who mama is and that's who they want when they are sick, wake up with a nightmare, etc. There is NO replacing mama no matter how good the DCP. I promise!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: I need to vent before I cry

    I did have one comeback to her bombarding questions....I told her that since I have nursed him (and it was exclusive until 6.5mo) (and she didn't at all) that it was a bond that could not be mistaken. I admit I said it and only 95% believed it since it had been a hard day, but at least it quieted her down for a bit

    Thanks so much for this you guys, it really helps to not feel alone
    Danielle

    Mom to Gage 12/28/06

    Wife to Trinity 6/21/03 my best friend

    ed for year, finally done!!!!
    for more than a year now!

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