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Thread: How to deal with the disappointment?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    239

    Unhappy How to deal with the disappointment?

    My daughter is almost 3 months old and has nursed a total of 5 times in her entire life. I am exclusively pumping, and we are still trying to nurse. The 5th time she nursed was actually last night, and she nursed once last week as well. Anyway. I have no way of knowing if she will ever nurse more often, and even though my lactation consultants say it will happen someday it just seems so far away. Are there any moms out there who can understand how devastated I am at not having this wonderful nursing relationship everyone else seems to have? I feel jipped, and angry. It never occured to me in my wildest dreams that my baby would refuse me, and sometimes I just break down and cry because it seems so unfair.

    Each precious time she latches it is so wonderful, so amazing. I treasure each time, but it is bittersweet too, because I just want to nurse so much more.

    I have my hopes, and slowly but surely they come. First I wanted her to nurse just once, and she did. Then I kept saying 'wouldn't it be wonderful if she could do this like once a week?' and lo and behold here we are 4 times in one month. I would be estatic if we could nurse once a day, even if she is two years old before we get there.

    Why are there no moms who have finally established breastfeeding at an older age? Why is there no mention of, let alone support for exclusive pumpers? Why do no breastfeeding books even mention that this can happen? Why does everyone ask if I am nursing or bottle feeding (ie formula)? Why don't these nursing moms realize what a precious wonderful gift they have been given?

    The other day in church I saw a mom who had been exclusively nursing for months mixing up a bottle of formula for her baby. She said nursing was just so much work........I just wanted to cry.

    Somedays I feel so great about the fact that I can at least pump, and so happy about the small steps we have made, but other times I just feel overwhelmed, disappointed, and jealous of what I want so desperatly and can't seem to have.
    Last edited by paigekitten; November 11th, 2007 at 12:53 AM.
    Mama to DD#1 Exclusive pumper for 3 months before getting back to breast

    and

    DD#2 Straight from the tap since birth

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    736

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    I know how you feel -- I exclusively pump. I've tried a few times to get her to nurse (not as much as you seem to have) and they end in her crying with real tears. I can't bring myself to do that to her so I've more or less given up hope of ever nursing her.

    I know how you feel about the breast feed / formula question. It drives me nuts to no end that doctors and others don't include "bottle fed breastmilk". My doctor used to ask and I'd say "I feed her pumped milk in a bottle." and then later in the conversation he'd talk about how I fed her and say "formula fed". I would have to constantly correct him and say "No, she gets no formula. She gets bottled expressed milk because she refuses to latch."

    Hang in there momma, and don't let that get to you too much. I know we don't have the same bonding as nursing mothers, but I still bond with Kayleigh. She lets you know when she wants a bottle, and when she's really tired she falls asleep eating in my arms. I hold her close when I feed her, sometimes nuzzle her forehead, and try to keep eye contact with her and talk softly to her.
    Momma to K 05/24/07 (due 05/31/07)
    Momma to I, 06/04/10 VBAC'd (due 05/31/10). Read about it here

    Exclusive Pumper to first for 18 months.
    I got my VBAC!

    Struggling with nursing but one way or another breast milk is all they get.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    150

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    My son and I have been having problem after problem which has lead to nearly pumping exclusively but I am still keeping my hopes up.
    I did want to throw out 2 small suggestions for you from my experience. Have you tried latching with a nipple shield? And as much skin to skin contact as possible, I feel helps with bonding. I pull the breast out when my son has a bottle of breastmilk...

    I can also add you are not alone at all , I feel very letdown and down in the dumps with our nursing relationship and it is frustrating that there are mommas out there not even willing to give breastfeeding a shot and are more than capable and mommas like us giving it our all and having such a rough time.
    Christine
    lots of for the cloth dipes!
    Sara Elizabeth 5.25.04 and Holden Joseph 10.18.07

    Wife to Eddie. <3


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    239

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Oh! it is so good to hear that I am not the only one!
    Mama to DD#1 Exclusive pumper for 3 months before getting back to breast

    and

    DD#2 Straight from the tap since birth

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    6,745

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    You are def. not the only one mama.

    http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJanFeb02p9a.html
    “Only with trust, faith, and support can the woman allow the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.” - Annie Kennedy & Penny Simkin

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,709

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Just wanted to say how much respect I have for you moms who exclusively pump for whatever reason . It's quite a commitment. You might not have the breastfeeding relationship you were hoping for, but you are showing a lot of love for your baby in another way.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    262

    Red face Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Quote Originally Posted by paigekitten View Post
    Oh! it is so good to hear that I am not the only one!
    Yes, you are not the only one. My lo is only 6 weeks old but we have had every diversion known to keep her from latching. However, I know that she is still getting the liquid gold by my pumping and feeding her the expressed breast milk. I also hope to have her latch one day.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    286

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Frankly, whether your LO gets it in a bottle or via breast, I'd still say you are breastfeeding...

    I pumped and fed for 6 weeks followed by 2 weeks of nipple shields. Congrats to you for pumping and fingers-crossed that you will get the nursing relationship that you want!
    Dana
    Wife to Jonathan Edward, 3/29/2002
    Mother of Alexander "Lex" Edward, 3/4/2007
    Attachment Parenting - it's not what you do, it's why you do it.
    Breastfeeding
    Co-Sleeping
    Wearing Lex as often as possible
    Daytime cloth diaperer, nighttime sposie user

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    29

    Smile Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Hi,

    I was in the same boat as you. Do not be discouraged. Hold your baby at the breast with your breastmilk bottle. I pumped for six months and was so upset I couldnt get the baby to latch but what can you do? Beating yourself up just gives you guilt and that is not healthy. You are doing great. My baby girl is almost a year and a half and only got a virus from some child she was playing with once. Otherwise she is in perfect, perfect health from day one.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    sleepless in ohio
    Posts
    2,389

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Quote Originally Posted by melsod View Post
    Just wanted to say how much respect I have for you moms who exclusively pump for whatever reason . It's quite a commitment. You might not have the breastfeeding relationship you were hoping for, but you are showing a lot of love for your baby in another way.
    I think you're doing something so wonderful for your LO. Keep your chin up! Pumping is difficult, but you've made such a great commitment.
    Sarah- Mommy to Ally (4/16/06) , Katlyn (11/13/07) & Rebekah (10/21/09)
    All three, all natural!

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