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Thread: for 2nd+time mothers

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Default for 2nd+time mothers

    We've been starting to think about another baby. (not for a while yet as Pip's only 4.5 months, but it's a strange thing for us since we're both only children so it requires thought.) I know that it's not going to be the same second time around, that I won't have the time to enjoy being pregnant while I'm chasing a toddler (he's ALREADY on the move!).

    But I've also been wondering how you handle nursing a newborn? It takes so much time, but I'm guessing that a two year old requires a great deal of attention as well. I'm thinking of having a padded and child-proofed room built into my new house where I can lock the toddler while I nurse the newborn.

    I guess I"m thinking of it now because at a baby shower another mother I talked to said she only nursed her 2nd son for a month because he took too long! Pip also has long nursing sessions, I couldn't imagine not feeding him because of it! I said, but you still need to feed him! She said he was quicker with the bottle. Talk about shortchanging your 2nd born. While I know I wouldn't give up because it gets difficult, I do worry about how difficult it will be and wonder how others manage.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    257

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    Well, you could consider spacing your children further apart. I did the newborn/toddler route between my first two but my third is six years younger than my second!!!! I love it and spend all day with just the two of us. Also, my older kids are more independent and help a lot!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    435

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    dd#1 is 6 yrs old - and the time it takes away from her was a challenge. She resented it at first - and the advice they give you in the hospital of "Just get her a special book to read during nursing times" - well that only lasted a few times..lol.

    Because she is older I can sit now and talk to her and we have long discussions about everything while I nurse. But I cannot imagine how moms of toddlers do it!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    I'll be watching this thread. I have been thinking about what it would be like to have a second child an I can't immagine not feeling like I'm short changing the second one...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    464

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    I have two children other than my little one...dd1 is 6, dd2 is 4 and dd3 is 3.5months. I will admit, it has been difficult to say the least. dd3 is very fussy and absorbs most of my time. I continue to talk to my children about it and tell them that as she gets older, she won't need so much attention and they will have more fun time with mommy again. It honestly hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't trade any of them, I am so thankful for my 3 little blessings! If Senja weren't so stinking fussy, it really wouldn't have been that bad. My first two are exactly 20 months apart, and dd2 was a very good baby, and so it really was fairly easy to cope with the changes...I didn't feel like I short changed anyone at all. Honestly, there are times now that I don't feel like I am a sufficient mom to my oldest 2, but overall, I don't think they have been shortchanged either, I try to include them in everything so they don't feel left out. HTH
    Wife to the man of my dreams! 10/10/98

    DD Kiara 4/00
    DD Moriah 12/01
    DD Senja 2/06


    Thankful to be a stay at home mom and homeschooling mom!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    153

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    My first son is almost 10 months old, and I am 32 weeks pregnant with his baby brother. I think constantly about how I will "divide" my time between the two, but I know that we will all fall into a routine that works for us. Before I had my first, I couldn't imagine fitting anything into my life besides baby. But I soon learned that indeed you can make time to shower and brush your hair and still take care of your child. With DS#1 crawling and standing up and getting ready to walk, I know I have a challenge ahead. But I trust my son and I trust my own instincts, so I know everything will work out.
    I don't worry about breastfeeding DS#2 because it isn't something that is open for alterations. A 12 month old can wait- a newborn cannot. I also plan on using my baby sling a majority of the time so I can keep up with DS#1.
    My first is not currently nursing, however we are trying to bring him back to it. It is my hope that he will see baby brother nursing and want to do the same. When he's ready, I'll be waiting with open arms

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    2

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    You do the best you can with what you've got! When my 2nd came (my dd was 14mos.-- yikes!), we spent a lot of time on the couch -- all three of us -- reading stories, doing puzzles, eating snacks, etc. while I bf ds. It seemed to work better than to have dd fend for herself while I sat in the rocking chair. This time around (dd is almost 3yrs, ds is 21mos. and new dd is 3wks) it is working just fine. My kids have learned (most days -- lol) that when Mom is feeding baby, they have to wait, and this hasn't caused to much trouble. And, in a pinch, you learn how to bf in any situation. My cousin suggested using a sling when you can't just sit and nurse all day long. Worked for her, but I haven't yet tried one.

    I can see how having older child(ren) allows for more time with baby, but having kids closer has its benefits, too, and it's such a short time that they are little. Do what works for you and dh.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    1,108

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    Quote Originally Posted by kjg3
    Well, you could consider spacing your children further apart. I did the newborn/toddler route between my first two but my third is six years younger than my second!!!! I love it and spend all day with just the two of us. Also, my older kids are more independent and help a lot!
    Spoken like someone who started at 25! Spacing them further is not an option for me. 35 is my upper limit for being pg. which only gives me 4 years. Besides, however hard it might be, I think I'd rather get toddlerhood overwith and get to the school years sooner.

    I know we'll figure it out because we'll have to, even if the second one also likes marathon sessions. Who knows, maybe by then I could afford a nanny. But I figured some of you might have examples.

    I like the idea of making it a quiet time for all of us. That would help the older one feel like he's reaaly involved. I'm also plannimg to get him his own doll so he can learn about how to take care of his "baby."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    323

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    Getting your ds his own doll is a great idea. you could even get him a little rocking chair (or whatever you sit in to nurse) so he can 'mother' his 'baby' while you nurse.
    But I would project that a little resentment and jealousy is inevitable. the best we can do is to be supportive as best we can when it does come up, and i would also guess that "locking him in a child-proof room" while you nurse would just increase the resentment and jealousy.

    Being very open and frank with a toddler about nursing can help, and even asking a toddler to 'help out' with nursing can be a great resourse (if it's not abused), like asking toddler to "bring mommy that bottle of water to drink" or "help mommy to put the blanket over baby" or "please tell baby a story while we're nursing", etc.

    A good sling will be your lifesaver! you can carry baby around hands-free, nurse on demand discreetly, and still continue with your daily routine and play with toddler to boot!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    52

    Default Re: for 2nd+time mothers

    My DS1 is almost 4 and DS2 is 16 mnths. When #2 was a newborn he lived in a sling so I could run after a 2 1/2 year old and still nurse. We also did lots of group naps and stories and siting on the floor and building with blocks, those kind of things. Before #2 was born, we read lots of books about babies nursing and DS1 nursed all though my pg. We had talks about babies need lots of mommy milk and so far 16 months later still going good.

    My DH and I like the spacing and are trying for #3 right now so we can have the same spacing again.
    Jennifer
    Wife to my Marine
    Crunchy mom to my wonderful boys
    Michael 6/02 c-sec
    Willem 1/05 c-sec
    Gavin 6/07 amazing water homebirth VBAC

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