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Thread: How to deal with the disappointment?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    239

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Thanks for all the encouragement! I am feeling better about things today.
    Mama to DD#1 Exclusive pumper for 3 months before getting back to breast

    and

    DD#2 Straight from the tap since birth

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    509

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Hang in there!! It will happen. My lo used to have a terrible latch and nursing strikes (which were so upsetting, I don't think people who haven't gone through it would understand how it feels to be offering to nurse and have a baby scream and refuse over and over). We tried different things, I'm sure you've gotten a lot of suggestions but try switching to a different flowing nipple that your lo dislikes (e.g., too slow. This single-handedly ended my son's last nursing strike) and maybe try offering during the night when she's groggy. If she screams, stop the offer and put her on your bare chest for skin to skin until calm, then repeat.

    Is she old enough that she can miss a feeding, e.g. when she refuses the breast there's no bottle waiting? My ped. suggested that.

    Don't give up
    I'm proud to be first woman in my family to breastfeed!
    cloth diapering convert!
    Loving the homemade baby food!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    239

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    We actually went a whole day with no bottles once, which was the very very first ( and second) time she nursed. I just don't have the heart to do it too often since she refuses for HOURS before resigning herself to nursing.
    Mama to DD#1 Exclusive pumper for 3 months before getting back to breast

    and

    DD#2 Straight from the tap since birth

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    509

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    How old is she again? Waiting out a few hours to nurse may not be an issue for her age, keeping in mind it'll only be like that briefly until she gets used to it. My ped. said at 4 months if he refused to nurse I could wait it out several hours. I'd look into that, if doc says its ok, I wouldn't feel badly about letting your lo get really hungry so that she accepts the breast, considering she hasn't this whole time.
    I'm proud to be first woman in my family to breastfeed!
    cloth diapering convert!
    Loving the homemade baby food!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    239

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    She's will be three months this week. I have been thinking about taking away the bottles. I know she can nurse, she just doesn't want to. I guess I just need to psych myself up for it. Those real tears are heartbreaking and I tend to give in. Maybe this weekend.....
    Mama to DD#1 Exclusive pumper for 3 months before getting back to breast

    and

    DD#2 Straight from the tap since birth

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Quote Originally Posted by paigekitten View Post
    She's will be three months this week. I have been thinking about taking away the bottles. I know she can nurse, she just doesn't want to. I guess I just need to psych myself up for it. Those real tears are heartbreaking and I tend to give in. Maybe this weekend.....
    i am going through the same thing right now my daughter is 3 1/2 months and we have been exclusively pumping/bottle feeding since she was 5 weeks when she was still under her birth weight. i really want to just throw all the bottles away but i agree the tears are so heartbreaking and thouroghly frustrating. before we started pumping she would breastfeed for hours and never pull off crying. so i know she could relearn it. i think the bottles just take us further from our goal sometimes since they are using such a different technique to get the milk out. i also wish there was more support in the way of success stories. please post back if you discover any remedy that works to get her back to live breastfeeding.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    44

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    My baby just turned 6 weeks old yesterday, and at this point I think that getting her back on the breast is going to take a miracle. She'll take it but she doesn't latch well enough to get anything. This is corny, but I've been mentally listing the good things about continuing our bottle relationship, things like:

    * I get to wear real bras again. no more being stuck in ugly or expensive nursing bras for a year. VS clearance, here I come.
    * similarly, my clothes don't have to have boob access. I can wear a dress to church again!
    * I can make her dad get up and feed her in the middle of the night
    * she won't be trying to take off my clothes in public when she gets bigger
    * being up pumping in the middle of the night gives me this nice hour of quiet time without my kids constantly needing something
    * this solves the "What do I do with the antsy other kids while I'm trying to nurse her at the mall" issue
    * I can choose more convenient times and locations for skin-to-skin contact, and I'm more conscious of her skin-to-skin needs because it's not a gimmee situation
    * Less painful car feedings
    * I'm no longer the human pacifier all night long
    * Bottles require either two hands or a seated position, meaning that this thirdborn baby will get a lot more devoted attention than a baby who could be fed one-armed while I did something else

    I know these points are small consolation for losing the bf relationship. Sometimes, thinking of things like this make me more depressed instead of less. But other times -- I think of the positives and I'm glad that I get to experience something different with E, that I haven't had with my other two children. It will have its perks and its drawbacks.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    246

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Before you give up, can you consider my story? My daughter is now almost 5. I tried to BF and she had a very strong oral aversion. I gave it three weeks. She never once took the breast. I assumed that "well, that was it. Can't do anything about it." And pumped exclusively for her.

    When my son was born this year and latched on from the begininning, I can't tell you the joy I felt. Unfortunately we had problems anyway. (I won't go into that here -- not important). He wasn't gaining weight and my milk supply had dwendled away due to his poor latch and sucking abilities.

    I gave him a bottle that the IBCLC said was "most like BF" to supplement -- only to have him begin to refuse the breast altogether. Time passed, I couldn't maintain my milk supply (another long story -- I could maintain it with my daughter). And I gave up.

    For 11 weeks I felt horrible about him being on formula. I decided I had to try again. The IBCLC told me that she had "Never seen a baby so stubbornly refuse the breast in her twenty years of being an LC."

    Why she felt this needed to be said out loud, I don't know, but she did.

    At five months of age I am now exclusively breastfeeding my son(with the help of a supplementer. I don't have a full supply, yet.)

    Ladies -- If your heart yearns to BF, it is NOT too late.

    Even though you have a full supply, you might try using an SNS to woo the baby to the breast. Pump your milk, put it in the supplementer, and latch the baby on. The baby will get an instant reward with the first suck. Once the baby has the idea, it will reinforce inself.

    The first few feedings will likely be rough. But so will the first few feedings from a spoon. Would you be willing to say "Oh well, he didn't want to learn how to eat from a spoon. I guess I will give up and breastfeed him the rest of his life." NO!!!! You keep offering and keep offering and he gets it. Learning to eat solids is a process. Learning to breastfeed is a process.

    Don't give up. You will regret it. I wish someone had given me this advice with my daughter. If you are exausted (which I sure was after six weeks of pouring my heart and soul into trying to BF my son), fine, take a break. Let your husband do a night feeding. Keep on pumping. Try again next week. Where there is milk, the baby will go. Many babies who have never latched, will spontaneously latch on their own in the first three months. But even if yours won't [spontaniously latch] you can help your lo along. My baby was five months old when I finally got him to take the breast. And know what else, he WON'T take a bottle, now. He loves to BF.

    (P.S. Try the supplementer yourself -- in your mouth, sucking your thumb -- so you can know how easy it is for your baby. This really gave me confidence in using the thing. The supplememter is no harder to clean than bottles, and you are pumping either way. What do you have to lose?)

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    246

    Default Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    If you want to read exactly how I got my baby from bottle to breast, go to the relaction forum. Click on the thread labeled "trying to relactate and latch" go to page 4 and read my post dated October 25th, 2007, 10:18 PM.

    Praying for you! This is hard, but worth while work.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    239

    Talking Re: How to deal with the disappointment?

    Oh my goodness! She's nursing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So last night I pumped just enough to put her to sleep then packed up my pump, and every single bottle, cup, supplementer, nipple shield and pacifier and locked everything in the trunk of my husband's car. I told him that for the next two days not to let me get it back out because I KNOW my LO can nurse if she wanted to. She woke up wanting to eat at 4:00 am, and by 5:30 she had fallen asleep after screaming, crying, and finally got so tired she nursed. The next feeding it took us a half hour to latch, and then she NURSED. Since then she has been latching on like she's being doing it all along! She keeps smiling so much that she falls off my nipple, and then just latches like it's no big deal! I have been desperately hoping for this day for THREE MONTHS. (her 3 month birthday is tomorrow).

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all of the encouragement and support and HOPE all of you have given me. I get on these forums while I pump and they have gotten me through the rough spots.

    So it's been tough, and soooooooo worth it, and I want to sit down and write up the whole epic nursing drama we have been having, so sorry, but it is long.

    I had a wonderful water birth, and everything went perfectly until I started hemorraging. A LOT. I was holding the baby, when
    I started to pass out. I managed to announce that I was bleeding and was going to pass out before I had a small seizure, giving my husband time to grab the baby before I unknowingly knocked her off the bed. Given the circumstances it was quite some time before she got the chance to nurse. That first time consisted of the midwife and my husband holding her over my stomach trying to get her latched while I struggled to stay awake and see past the oxygen mask. Not exactly the warm welcome to the world I wanted for my baby.

    She didn't latch, and we all ended up falling asleep, and she didn't wake up hungry until many hours later. One of the nurses came in to help me feed her because I was too weak to support her, and having a hard time manuvering with all the cords to which I was attached. Still no latch. One of the delivery nurses had mentioned she look tongue tied, so we asked the ped to double check. They said she should be fine, so I quickly forgot about it. We went home, with the a lactation appointment already scheduled.

    At the first lactation appointment the LC sat there, looked at the baby rooting but not latching, gave me a nipple shield and sent me home. We made another appointment with a different LC for the next day before our pediatric appointment. At this appointment they said she was looking a little jaundiced, and I mentioned I was feeling engorged. The LC said my milk was coming in, and until them we needed to make sure our LO was getting enough to eat to prevent the jaundice from getting worse. She said the first and most important thing is to is feed the baby. She showed us how to supplement with a cup, how to finger feed, how to do paced bottle feeding, (to reduce the chance of nipple confusion), and sent us away with formula samples.

    We went to the peds, where they looked at her and did a heel stick to check her biliruben levels. Her levels were just low enough that she didn't have to be hospitalized and put under the lights. My ped wasn't there and the lady filling in for her had NO CLUE about breastfeeding. She told us that some moms just don't have enough milk, and that it wasn't possible to cup feed and that there was no such thing as nipple confusion. She sent us home and told us to nurse the baby for 10 minutes on each side, pump for 10 minutes, then give the baby what I pumped and as much formula as she wanted.

    We went home and every two hours (including all night!) I struggled to get the baby latched (with the shield), hand pumped, fed the baby and then started all over again. The next day we went back to check her bilirubin levels and they were down so we were told to keep doing what we were doing and to come back in a couple of days.

    I was experiencing extreme nipple pain, as well as being dead tired. Just to survive I started dropping things here and there; one feeding I would nurse and supplement, and not pump, the next I would pump and supplement, but not nurse. We ran out of free formula samples and since I knew I shouldn't need it we didn't purchase any more and we stopped supplementing. She wanted to nurse all the time, and out of sheer exhaustion I stopped pumping. My nipple pain was so bad I just cried everytime she ate, and I kept trying to postpone each nursing session as long as possible, which wasn't hard, because my LO would sleep for 4 hours at a time.

    We went back to the peds and LC in a few days and her weight had plummeted. My ped still wasn't there, and it was the lady I didn't like and she basically said it was all my fault and I was starving my baby. The LC asked how much milk I was pumping, and I said 8 oz or less and they said I should be getting roughly 24. I cried. We bought an electric breast pump and a can of formula. The ped and LC said that the main priority was the baby and as soon as she got back to birthweight we could really focus on breastfeeding. I began pumping constantly, weathering bloodblisters and fatigue (not only had I just had a baby, but I was severly anemic from the hemorage). I jumped from pumping 8oz a day to 24 oz, and by the time the formula was gone she was fed exclusivly on my milk. We went in for her two week check up and everyone was shocked to see that she had regained all her birthweight. I went to see lactation, expecting to work on our latching problems and nipple pain but the baby had other ideas.

    She adamantly refused the breast, and any form of feeding besides her precious bottles. If there is a strategy to get babies to nurse, I can pretty much guarentee that we tried it. The SNS worked for about two feedings, until she discovered that sucking on just the tube was a lot easier then the breast. We hit a growth spurt and there were days I pumped 10-12 times a day. At 6 weeks I went to an lactation appointment and asked about the tongue tie again. They said she was probably fine, but obviously she wasn't! I saw another LC who got me set up with an ENT who clipped her frenulum.

    That weekend I took away all the bottles and went to bed for two days with the baby. She nursed twice. I had been so sure that the frenulum clip would solve everything. Back to bottles we went. I tried cup feeding, but it was so messy and it just killed me to lose ANY of my milk. We spent a lot of time trying to get her to take the nipple shield, but even with active sucking she couldn't transfer any milk.

    A couple people mentioned craniosacral therapy and I figured anything was worth a try. Her palate was incredibly high, her jaw was very tight and one shoulder gave her a lot of pain when I held her a certain way. After starting the craniosacral she nursed two more times. We bought her a bottle called the Adiri Natural Nurser which helped her practice opening her mouth really wide and keeping her tongue far forward. I was so tired of it all and kind of backed off on everything but pumping. I was blessed to be able to pump as little as 3-5 times most days and still get enough milk.

    After a small break I made an appointment with one of my favorite LCs, just to say hey. The baby spontaneously decided to nurse and took in 3 whole ounces! I was elated and went home thinking that I would never have to pump again, but once we were home my LO went back to her screaming, crying, and back arching. That was probably my lowest point, and when I posted this thread.

    With the encouragement of you all, my LCs, midwife, mother, and husband I decided today we would take away the bottles. Apparently she decided it was a good idea too, because here I am, with my baby at my breast and tears of joy running down my face.
    Mama to DD#1 Exclusive pumper for 3 months before getting back to breast

    and

    DD#2 Straight from the tap since birth

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