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Thread: is self-soothing real?

  1. #11
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    This is what my friend did. When her baby was borned, she only picked up her baby to feed, change, bathe and the occassional rocking and cuddling. But she made sure that the baby never got the chance to fall asleep in her arms. She did this for 6 weeks. By then, the baby was already able to self-soothe. He could lay awake for an hour at times, starring at the mobile in his crib, before falling asleep. I was worried that her baby was going to turn out into a quiet, withdrawn one, but now at almost 10mo, he's a happy, well adjusted baby whom was slow at meeting his milestones initially, but is now ahead in many. It's a form of training - with no crying involved.
    I just find this method a bit cruel...babies really need lots and I mean LOTS of human contact...I find that the goal of selfsoothing is just too much for such a young baby....I think we expect "independence" too soon....I have lots of friends that swear by a method like that and really look down at me for wearing my baby and such.....human contact gives babies a sense of belonging and security. No wonder he met his milestones kinda late....I don´t think that staring at a mobile for hours on end is the right kind os stimulation for their brains.....just my opinion.
    That story made me sad.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Dunno,

    I've heard though that babies that don't recieve a lot of cuddling and attention while they are very small babies are likely to b/m sociopaths in the future. I don't think its real, babies will be babies they aren't puppies that can be trained. The way I look at it, if no one can force me to do something what makes me think I can force my lo?

    Anyway, like the other pp's have said, if they aren't too upset they can usually self soothe but once they are upset I think that is not an option they are willing to accept.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    First time mommy of Robert Nicolas, now 9 whole months(), and loving it!

  3. #13
    @llli*emama is offline Shares Widely And Frequently
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Quote Originally Posted by T&M_Mama View Post
    My older DS was in an orphanage for the first 11 months of his life. He is the best self soother I have ever seen, but I think it was a matter of survival for him. Almost all the babies there sucked something, whether it be a thumb, fingers, or fist. My T sucks his first 2 fingers. Also, when he would get hurt, he would rock back and forth on his hands and knees. It took a LONG time for him to let me comfort him. I think he did not see me as mommy, I was just another caregiver. I had to deliberately bring him to bed with me, hold him tight, and make him look in my eyes. When he had his milk, I would hold him like an infant and he could not drink it unless he was looking in my eyes. It took a while, about 6 months, but now he is totally attached to me and DH.
    I have no clue if he ever had to CIO, or if he just knew that no one would come if he cried. All I know is that there was a whole lot of babies without mommies, and ALL had learned to self soothe, out of necessity. It is heartbreaking.
    That's an incredibly touching story. Your son is very lucky to have you as a mom.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vanne View Post
    That story made me sad.
    It made me sad too but I reread it and at least there was some rocking and cuddling. I guess she just put him down when his eyes closed. But still...

  5. #15
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    ShilohsMom -

    What a cutie! I love those pictures.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Thanks, everyone, for your input. My inclination is never to let my LO CIO no matter how old she gets. I understand that I'm a newbie - my LO is so young still - but I just don't like the idea.

    I'm actually surprised that my mother and MIL, who are both such caring mothers, would endorse such a thing. But they're from a different time. Who knows what kind of current-day practices will be considered ill-advised in the future?

  7. #17
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    When my little one starts really fussing and crying (read: get cranky) often time that means time for sleep. We swaddle her and I kid you not, while she will sometimes cry when we lay her down on the blanket to start swaddling her, as soon as she's swaddled she generally calms down immediately. She won't try to pull her arms out or anything. We know that when this happens, she is a sleepy little girl who needs to be put in her swing and "bumped".
    Momma to K 05/24/07 (due 05/31/07)
    Momma to I, 06/04/10 VBAC'd (due 05/31/10). Read about it here

    Exclusive Pumper to first for 18 months.
    I got my VBAC!

    Struggling with nursing but one way or another breast milk is all they get.

  8. #18
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    It's definately a cultural/societal thing to CIO or "train" babies to self-soothe. There are all kinds of "sleep training" books with modified versions of CIO. You may not see obvious personality changes now as many books claim, but I believe (and this is just my opinion) these non-responding, non-touching methods forms deep rooted insecurity, gravitation toward materialism rather than people, and the inability to experience deep loving relationships, and deeper levels of intimacy. When baby cries during the day we respond, why would we not respond at night? I feel sad that so many advocate this. Again, this is just how I feel. I almost did it myself at 6 months, when I was miserable and sleep deprived. PP on here helped me with suggesting the car-side crib arrangement, and with DH rocking him rather than nursing everytime. Sure, he cried with DH, however, someone he knew very well was holding and comforting him. Now we take turns going to him, and DH can rock him back to sleep just as I can nurse him. I am now reading the "no cry toddler sleep book" by Elizabeth Pantley to get more ideas as ds is getting older. My "old school" in-laws still constantly tell us we need to teach Joshua to self-soothe. My response is why? I love being his source of comfort and security. Nothing can replace the feeling when he caresses his hand on my chest while nursing at 3:00am. He is so incredibly snuggly and lovable, and he tries to hug everybody (including strangers at the grocery store..:0!
    Last edited by KathrynK; November 6th, 2007 at 06:59 PM.

    Kathryn,
    Mama to my sweet blueberry eyed boy Joshua
    born on 11/2/2006

    and my blueberry eyed baby Jonah Henry...my water birth baby!
    born on 6/15/09



    MOBY WRAPS ROCK

  9. #19
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Quote Originally Posted by selina21 View Post
    This is what my friend did. When her baby was borned, she only picked up her baby to feed, change, bathe and the occassional rocking and cuddling. But she made sure that the baby never got the chance to fall asleep in her arms. She did this for 6 weeks. By then, the baby was already able to self-soothe. He could lay awake for an hour at times, starring at the mobile in his crib, before falling asleep. I was worried that her baby was going to turn out into a quiet, withdrawn one, but now at almost 10mo, he's a happy, well adjusted baby whom was slow at meeting his milestones initially, but is now ahead in many. It's a form of training - with no crying involved.
    OMG that is horrible. Only picking up a baby like this. It would have broke my heart to do this. I could and still can hardly keep my hands off of my sweet son.
    C:\Documents and Settings\David Lawrence\My Documents\My Pictures\DSC00970.jpg
    Mommy to Alexander
    Born Oct 6,2006


  10. #20
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    Jun 2007
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Quote Originally Posted by KathrynK View Post
    It's definately a cultural/societal thing to CIO or "train" babies to self-soothe. There are all kinds of "sleep training" books with modified versions of CIO. You may not see obvious personality changes now as many books claim, but I believe (and this is just my opinion) these non-responding, non-touching methods forms deep rooted insecurity, gravitation toward materialism rather than people, and the inability to experience deep loving relationships, and deeper levels of intimacy. When baby cries during the day we respond, why would we not respond at night? I feel sad that so many advocate this. Again, this is just how I feel. I almost did it myself at 6 months, when I was miserable and sleep deprived. PP on here helped me with suggesting the car-side crib arrangement, and with DH rocking him rather than nursing everytime. Sure, he cried with DH, however, someone he knew very well was holding and comforting him. Now we take turns going to him, and DH can rock him back to sleep just as I can nurse him. I am now reading the "no cry toddler sleep book" by Elizabeth Pantley to get more ideas as ds is getting older. My "old school" in-laws still constantly tell us we need to teach Joshua to self-soothe. My response is why? I love being his source of comfort and security. Nothing can replace the feeling when he caresses his hand on my chest while nursing at 3:00am. He is so incredibly snuggly and lovable, and he tries to hug everybody (including strangers at the grocery store..:0!
    wholeheartedly-of course some folks see the results of CIO and don't see any obvious personality changes, so assume it must be OK. Just my opinion, but I don't think the true impact can be measured or quantified now or possibly even later. Ignoring your babies cries (not fussing, but CRYING) goes against the deepest maternal instincts and we are the only species on the planet who willfully do not respond to our crying infants.

    DD1-Nursed 12/06-9/08
    DD2-Nursed 12/08 - 10/10

    DS - Successful VBA2C May 5/11 and

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