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Thread: is self-soothing real?

  1. #1
    @llli*emama is offline Shares Widely And Frequently
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    Default is self-soothing real?

    This may sound naive but can anyone tell me if babies can actually self-soothe or are they just passing out from exhaustion after crying? Both mom and MIL have asked me if I'm going to teach my 4 1/2 month old to get herself to sleep but that sounds a lot like CIO which I won't do. I'm a first time mother but in all my experiences with babies in the past self-soothing can't be done unless the LO is left to cry, no? Or is there just some sort of gap in my knowledge?
    Last edited by emama; November 6th, 2007 at 12:11 AM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Some babies are able to. DS is very mild mannered little guy. He is happy to self-soothe -- and it almost never involves crying.

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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Some babies are able to. DS is very mild mannered little guy. He is happy to self-soothe -- and it almost never involves crying.
    Some babies like above can, but not all. Many would end up crying until they are too weak and then fall asleep
    Are you calling me spoiled?

    It depends on the baby From what I've read it would be less than 1/3 of babies can self-soothe.

    And 4.5 mo is WAY to young for any form of sleep-training! Good for you for trusting your momma instincts!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    We taught our son to self-sooth himself to sleep by sucking his thumb around 5 months by using the No-Cry method (Elizabeth Pantley) but he went right back to refusing to do so after a couple of weeks. He is almost 16 months old and still cannot self-sooth.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    This is what my friend did. When her baby was borned, she only picked up her baby to feed, change, bathe and the occassional rocking and cuddling. But she made sure that the baby never got the chance to fall asleep in her arms. She did this for 6 weeks. By then, the baby was already able to self-soothe. He could lay awake for an hour at times, starring at the mobile in his crib, before falling asleep. I was worried that her baby was going to turn out into a quiet, withdrawn one, but now at almost 10mo, he's a happy, well adjusted baby whom was slow at meeting his milestones initially, but is now ahead in many. It's a form of training - with no crying involved.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Mine self-soothed since 3 months when he could suck his fingers. He started sleeping through the night when he could suck his fingers. I never left him to CIO, but we have let him FIO (fuss it out) from time to time. There is a difference...I know my own kid...he can be crying for a legitimate reason, or just *****ing because he didn't think he should have to go to bed, IYKWIM?

    At around 9 months he refused to go to bed without crying...and at the same time wouldn't let me rock him or nurse him to sleep. It was very frustrating and we ended up having to do a modified CIO. Me and DH always always stayed in the room with him and he got mad and yelled at us, but he settled down and went back to sleeping on his own. It was hard, but I knew I wasn't just leaving him to scream and cry alone.

    Sooo....self-soothing is possible.

    Here he was upset that I wouldn't let him play with a knife...I remember it so clearly...made me laugh. I know people knock the finger sucking...but it was so much better to US than a pacifier, especially since he wouldn't nurse for comfort.



    He was 3 months in this picture. He was sucking away at those fingers and sleeping very well...still does. I've watched him too...he only sucks his fingers to fall asleep...then he takes them out. If he wakes...fingers go right back in. Its funny really....

    All over the world there exists in every society a small group of women who feel themselves strongly attracted to giving care to other women during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to make use of this group of highly motivated people is regrettable and a sin against the principle of subsidiary. ~ Dr. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam, Holland


    **Leslie**

    Mama to:
    Shiloh (5/6/06) Nursed for 13 months and Josephine (7/26/08) Nursed for 23.5 mos Currently nursing my new little firecracker, Finley Catherine, born on the 4th of July!!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Beautiful pictures!!! I love looking at babies sucking their fingers, sooo cute! Mine did it too, unfortunately not long enough for me to take enough photos of them

    Oh and I have the same sippy cup!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    My older DS was in an orphanage for the first 11 months of his life. He is the best self soother I have ever seen, but I think it was a matter of survival for him. Almost all the babies there sucked something, whether it be a thumb, fingers, or fist. My T sucks his first 2 fingers. Also, when he would get hurt, he would rock back and forth on his hands and knees. It took a LONG time for him to let me comfort him. I think he did not see me as mommy, I was just another caregiver. I had to deliberately bring him to bed with me, hold him tight, and make him look in my eyes. When he had his milk, I would hold him like an infant and he could not drink it unless he was looking in my eyes. It took a while, about 6 months, but now he is totally attached to me and DH.
    I have no clue if he ever had to CIO, or if he just knew that no one would come if he cried. All I know is that there was a whole lot of babies without mommies, and ALL had learned to self soothe, out of necessity. It is heartbreaking.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Quote Originally Posted by selina21 View Post
    This is what my friend did. When her baby was borned, she only picked up her baby to feed, change, bathe and the occassional rocking and cuddling. But she made sure that the baby never got the chance to fall asleep in her arms. She did this for 6 weeks. By then, the baby was already able to self-soothe. He could lay awake for an hour at times, starring at the mobile in his crib, before falling asleep. I was worried that her baby was going to turn out into a quiet, withdrawn one, but now at almost 10mo, he's a happy, well adjusted baby whom was slow at meeting his milestones initially, but is now ahead in many. It's a form of training - with no crying involved.
    I just find this method a bit cruel...babies really need lots and I mean LOTS of human contact...I find that the goal of selfsoothing is just too much for such a young baby....I think we expect "independence" too soon....I have lots of friends that swear by a method like that and really look down at me for wearing my baby and such.....human contact gives babies a sense of belonging and security. No wonder he met his milestones kinda late....I don´t think that staring at a mobile for hours on end is the right kind os stimulation for their brains.....just my opinion.
    Karina, Neonatal Nurse, mother to Martin, born at 33 weeks 02/11/2007...
    I love ...... .....my baby loves it

    I relactated....IT CAN BE DONE!!!

    I also love
    Tried to


  10. #10
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    Default Re: is self-soothing real?

    Those are great pictures Of SHILOH Leslie!!! Where did our Little babies go???

    Way too lazy for formula

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