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Thread: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    94

    Question New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    Hello everyone...so glad to have stumbled upon this site.

    My son Petey is 4 months old. He's a great nurser...has been from day one. We both enjoy it very much.

    I am a working Mom and I hate it. My Dh is a SAHD. We've been trying to get Petey used to a bottle from about 4 weeks of age and he's never taken to it. In fact he now bottle strikes most of the day, eating 6 oz max till I get home. This makes me feel very guilty that I cannot be there for him. Yup, he's reverse cycled. I know some people want to reverse cycle, but I am a total zombie and a different person these days because of a serious lack of sleep. I nurse him the minute I get home at night, then nurse him down for bedtime and usually 4 more times through the night. (and right before I leave in the AM) When I was on maternity leave and he was nursing through the day, he was sleeping through the night most of the time around 10 weeks old. Now..this change is killing me. I don't mind nursing him, but the frequency is making it impossible for me to get restful sleep and its affecting my job, my relationship with my DH and even my poor furbabies are not clear of my grumpiness...(only DS gets spared).

    I just don't know what to do. In my worst moments, I've considered giving him only expressed BM in bottles, so he has no choice but to accept them. But I don't really want to do that. Right now he's sleeping in his carseat next to my bed (he's never slept in his crib...just won't) and I just plop him in bed with me to nurse. I've considered just co-sleeping with him because usually by the last feed of the night he just stays in there anyway, but I am such a worrywort about him suffocating. So..if he's in there with me, I don't sleep at all.

    Sorry so long...and I am not even sure what I am looking for as far as answers except maybe how do you do it? Nurse all night and work all day? Naps are out of te question...

    Thanks for any advice...I'd really like to keep nursing at the very least till he's 6 months old.

    Amanda

  2. #2
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    Nov 2007
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    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    I should add that I have been back to work for 6 weeks and he's never adjusted to eating through the day. And...I've tried every different bottle/nipple combo on the market (except the Adiri). He's just VERY headstrong and knows what he wants and will wait for it.

    DH tried to bottle feed him at his first wakening the other night (so I could get a few contiguous hours of sleep) and he actually pursed his lips shut so the bottle couldn't even get close to his tongue....stinker...

    Amanda

  3. #3
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    Jul 2006
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    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    Can you do a cup feed? Maybe he will take EBM from the cup instead of the bottle.

    I was going to suggest cosleeping but if you're afraid of suffocating him that might not be the best route for you. FWIW, if you're not sleeping anyway perhaps you just need time to adjust to being next to him. Check the Dr. Sears site for cosleeping info.
    http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

    It will get better.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)


    My DD was a reverse cycler as a baby too and I tried to roll with it even though sometimes I was tired and crabby. I made it through by allowing myself to drink coffee in the mornings (she wasn't getting that milk anyway) and knowing that it would get better eventually.
    Perhaps when you start solids that will help your LO eat more during the day! Also, I if I'm not mistaken this age is prime time for a growth spurt, thus increased feedings.
    I'd say take a closer look at the co-sleeping info and see if you can make it work. A sidecar arrangement might work for you-it's like a bassinet or crib that attaches to the side of your bed. That way you can't roll over on him but you don't have to get up or out of bed to nurse.
    I have not tried the Adiri but maybe it is worth a shot. We used the Playtex Nurser with naturallatch nipples. My DD would take them until about 10-11 mos. old, she would take some but she would save her real appetite for nighttime.
    HTH some. It really does get better.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
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    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    I chose to RC, and it does work for me. I do wake up every now and then to switch her from side to side, but I drift off. I suggest finding a comfortable way to co-sleep. My most "secure" position is on my back with the baby tucked in my arm. Once in a while she squiggles and wants to lay on her own without my arm under her and so I can sleep in any position. She is 7mos though, so I feel more comfortable with doing that now because she is older and less "fragile". You can also try having the baby sleep on your chest while you are on your back.

    I hope you figure out something that works for you. I know it's not easy nursing and working.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    First off, welcome to the boards mama!

    I know exactly what you're going through. My husband is a full time SAHD in the summer and part time during the school year, so I understand what dad is going through with your LO while you're away. Our son was exactly the same. Hated the bottle (every single brand), reversed his cycle, balled non-stop the entire first 6 months of his life. Oh, and I have excessive lipase in my milk to boot.

    I have no idea how I have managed thus far, I really don't. I think I ended up being 'broken' just like you break a horse, I just had to go with the flow. We ended up co-sleeping and I sleep through those dream feeds. I was worried a lot about smothering him too, but I just slept with him in the crook of my arm. My son is now 15 months old and I'm still pumping and he nurses like a newborn all night long!

    I guess I don't have any advice for you, but I can tell you I've been there and many of us know what you're going through. While the dream feeds get easier, and eventually you'll have no problem getting your LO off the bottle and onto a sippy or cup, it is hard. I honestly had no idea how difficult, sad, frustrating, and defeated I would feel as a working mother. One thing in my experience has never changed, and that is that I am a working mother, and much like you I hate every minute of it.

    So, what keeps me going? The love I have for my family, the love and respect I have for my spouse, and the values that we want to live our lives by. I also have no choice, or rather, I'm living with the choices we have made and will be in this situation for the near future.

    It is so hard, hugs to you for pumping and continuing to nurse your LO. While it doesn't really get 'easier' you will find more of a rythm to make things run more smoothly and hopefully not completely burn out in the process.
    Last edited by LunaticLibrarian; November 6th, 2007 at 09:44 AM.

    My Little Reverse Cyclers
    *DS born July 2006, nursed 3 yrs 10 mos!
    *DD born January 2011, happily nursing and bucking the bottle just like big brother
    *One Angel baby we sadly never met July 2009

    Happily married to an amazing man who puts up with all my craziness since 1999.


  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    I realized very early on that co-sleeping was the only way I was going to get some sleep. You just have to find what works for you. I agree with everything the pp's have said. Hang in there! It does get better.

    Loving my Beautiful High Needs Baby Girl born 12/28/06

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    94

    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    Ladies...thank you all so much! I tried cocleeping with him last night and it ROCKS!!! He slept so much better and actually only woke twice to nurse. I feel human again today! I think twice a night was a fluke last night and he will continue to wake more frequently, but having him in bed with me made a HUGE difference for both of us.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for lending support of cosleeping. I've always heard about how bad it is, but for me, it might be the best thing ever.

    Hugs to you all!

  9. #9
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    Nov 2007
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    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    Oh and LunaticLibrarian (lol...love the name)...you sound just like me to a T. I am so glad to know that I am not the only working, pumping mama with a DH thats a SAHD and in this situation because of choices we made prior to having a baby. It took us several years of TTC to have our baby as well.


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    473

    Default Re: New here and need some help (guilt, reverse cyling, how to do it all!)

    Oh and LunaticLibrarian (lol...love the name)...you sound just like me to a T. I am so glad to know that I am not the only working, pumping mama with a DH thats a SAHD and in this situation because of choices we made prior to having a baby. It took us several years of TTC to have our baby as well.
    I'm glad I can offer you support, we must be kindred spirits or something, or in a parallel existence Our situations sound so similar. My husband and I have been married for nearly nine years, and tried to conceive for four years. We went through so many infertility tests and procedures and were told we'd never have children, it just wasn't going to happen and any advanced procedure wasn't an option either. So, we made other decisions for my husband to change careers and leave his full-time job. Well, guess what, we made 'plans' then life interrupted of course and we were pregnant. I think I took about 10 pregnancy test before we believed it ourselves!

    There are a few other mommies on here with SAHD's, and some of them have similar stories, we're always here to lend support, hugs, and good vibes!

    Oh, btw, the other added benefit of co-sleeping is the extra cuddle and touch time I get with my son. Since I am working, I have really cherished and appreciated the co-sleeping and how it has helped us with attachment and bonding. Don't let others fool you that co-sleeping is weird or unsafe, I thought that too before I became a parent myself. We (the LLL ladies on here) can find you tons of information about how normal, safe, pro-family, and pro-breastfeeding co-sleeping is.
    Last edited by LunaticLibrarian; November 6th, 2007 at 09:56 AM.

    My Little Reverse Cyclers
    *DS born July 2006, nursed 3 yrs 10 mos!
    *DD born January 2011, happily nursing and bucking the bottle just like big brother
    *One Angel baby we sadly never met July 2009

    Happily married to an amazing man who puts up with all my craziness since 1999.


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