Well, every time I work Jasmine sits and screams for me the entire time I'm gone. She's 3 months old, and refusing bottles completely. There are times we're apart for 9 hours and she'll scream in starvation and DH can't get anything into her. He even tried having people come over to help and see if she'd take a bottle from anyone else, but she just won't. He's tried cup feeding, medicine droppers, all sorts of things - she just won't eat. By the time I get home and nurse, her little tummy is so empty I can hear the milk landing in her stomach. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that if I'd been home, this wouldn't have been a problem at all. I hate that she's miserable the entire time we're apart.
This is causing problems for me at work. I'm constantly trying to leave early, which makes others mad at me. I'm a cocktail waitress - a generally fun job that is primarily socializing. However, even before I had Jasmine, it stopped being fun. I figured it was the pregnancy and the problems I was having that made it lose it's fun factor. Now it's still not fun, but a lot of that I think is because the whole time I'm there, I'm worried about my LO.
DS and DD1 are starting to resent Jasmine, she's keeping their daddy away from them during what used to be their play time. And they are resenting that she keeps me from them during the days they don't have school, and during the evenings on the nights I don't work. When I'm at work and Jasmine starts her screaming fits, both Damon and Heaven say "Great, it's going to be one of those nights." And typically ask to go to bed earlier then needed because they don't want to listen to the screaming baby.
So, when I worked Saturday night I had arranged for someone else to work for me on Thursday night (my next scheduled night). Later on I started wondering why I continue to work this job. It's only nights that I work, and those are the very hardest for Jasmine. Before I went back to work, and during my nights off her and I have our cuddle time and frequent nursing. So, working nights is hard on both of us.
I want to quit that job, for the sake of my baby. But I also know I'll have to find something else. Part time days or something. I don't know what I'll find, don't really know what my options are going to be - but I have to decide for sure what I'm doing. If I'm quitting my waitress job I have to do it like tomorrow - I'm off the schedule for 2 weeks so they'll have time to cover my shifts for the rest of the month - after that, I don't know what they'll do, but I need to learn to not care or something.
What would you ladies do? I'm at such a loss, my baby has to come first, but I also know we need me to be working at least some. I wish I could work from home and actually make a decent living, but I just don't know where to start...