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Thread: I have to decide...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Default I have to decide...

    Well, every time I work Jasmine sits and screams for me the entire time I'm gone. She's 3 months old, and refusing bottles completely. There are times we're apart for 9 hours and she'll scream in starvation and DH can't get anything into her. He even tried having people come over to help and see if she'd take a bottle from anyone else, but she just won't. He's tried cup feeding, medicine droppers, all sorts of things - she just won't eat. By the time I get home and nurse, her little tummy is so empty I can hear the milk landing in her stomach. It brings tears to my eyes knowing that if I'd been home, this wouldn't have been a problem at all. I hate that she's miserable the entire time we're apart.

    This is causing problems for me at work. I'm constantly trying to leave early, which makes others mad at me. I'm a cocktail waitress - a generally fun job that is primarily socializing. However, even before I had Jasmine, it stopped being fun. I figured it was the pregnancy and the problems I was having that made it lose it's fun factor. Now it's still not fun, but a lot of that I think is because the whole time I'm there, I'm worried about my LO.

    DS and DD1 are starting to resent Jasmine, she's keeping their daddy away from them during what used to be their play time. And they are resenting that she keeps me from them during the days they don't have school, and during the evenings on the nights I don't work. When I'm at work and Jasmine starts her screaming fits, both Damon and Heaven say "Great, it's going to be one of those nights." And typically ask to go to bed earlier then needed because they don't want to listen to the screaming baby.

    So, when I worked Saturday night I had arranged for someone else to work for me on Thursday night (my next scheduled night). Later on I started wondering why I continue to work this job. It's only nights that I work, and those are the very hardest for Jasmine. Before I went back to work, and during my nights off her and I have our cuddle time and frequent nursing. So, working nights is hard on both of us.

    I want to quit that job, for the sake of my baby. But I also know I'll have to find something else. Part time days or something. I don't know what I'll find, don't really know what my options are going to be - but I have to decide for sure what I'm doing. If I'm quitting my waitress job I have to do it like tomorrow - I'm off the schedule for 2 weeks so they'll have time to cover my shifts for the rest of the month - after that, I don't know what they'll do, but I need to learn to not care or something.

    What would you ladies do? I'm at such a loss, my baby has to come first, but I also know we need me to be working at least some. I wish I could work from home and actually make a decent living, but I just don't know where to start...

    ~*Allee*~

    Damon 8/5/99 Heaven 7/24/01 Jasmine 7/20/07

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    1,421

    Default Re: I have to decide...

    First off HELLO

    If you can quit do it!! be with your baby, I wish I could. Anyhoo, I dont know what to tell you about ways to calm her down, but if you do decide that you can stay home, don't worry about covering shifts, two week notice would be great and with you not on the schedule I would take it as a sign, but they should take any notice you can give them, and I am sure they will understand that your baby comes first.

    at work, will type more in a while
    Danielle

    Mom to Gage 12/28/06

    Wife to Trinity 6/21/03 my best friend

    ed for year, finally done!!!!
    for more than a year now!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    243

    Default Re: I have to decide...

    Sounds like you're in a tough spot. I worry about your LO going for so long without eating/drinking. That seems unhealthy, and stressful to the rest of your family. If you have to work, maybe find something with shorter hours. Or better yet, some employers let you bring your LO to work. A baby consignment shop in my neighborhood hires local moms, and they all take their babies and wear them in a sling, or the olders ones "help" their moms and play behind the register area. I hope you figure out what to do!
    Married to my best friend since 2001 , Proud mom of my baby girl Ella 6/19/07




    "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world." John 16:21

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Default Re: I have to decide...

    I think the only option I have right now is to quit the waitress job. If it means going to work fast food during lunch rush (Jasmine's calmest time) then so be it I guess. I had my first LO while still in High School, I never went to college, heck I barely got the HS diploma (dropped out half way through senior year because DS had health issues and was missing a lot) - but went back and got it 2 years later then I should have.

    I know it's what needs to be done, I told DH yesterday that I'm going to quit today when I pick up my check from this last weekend. I'll have to get my work shirts washed and ready to return, but first DH has to get the dryer set up. He got the washer set up last night but then we discovered we need a new 220 outlet for the dryer... Right after he replaced the 220 in the kitchen for the stove.

    I just can't forsee letting my LO suffer any more then she already has on nights I've had to work. Someone tried to tell me to wean her off of me, but what exactly would that solve? She won't take a bottle, and I don't want to wean. Some people....

    Any ideas for WAHM type of jobs that don't cost a fortune to start? None of the places around here have anything available for WAH, so hoping to find something either out of the home with less hours each day (and not at night at all), or something I can do from home.

    ~*Allee*~

    Damon 8/5/99 Heaven 7/24/01 Jasmine 7/20/07

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    473

    Default Re: I have to decide...

    I think the only option I have right now is to quit the waitress job.
    I think you and your DH know in your heart what needs to be done. My DS always had bottle refusal issues, and he is a high needs little guy. The evenings of crying and wailing didn't end for some time. Your little one needs you. I'm sure you will make the right decision for your family, and we're here to offer support for you.

    Someone tried to tell me to wean her off of me, but what exactly would that solve? She won't take a bottle, and I don't want to wean. Some people....
    Um, yeah, that's not going to solve anything, some people are so stupid and just don't get it do they?

    Okay, for a part-time job, this may sound crazy but another family we know with 5 kids this has worked out well for them. Dad stays home during the day and takes care of the kiddos and shuttles them to/from school, he's also home in the evenings. He has a newspaper delivery route which he does at the crack of dawn. All the kids are still asleep, and he has an auto route. The money is not a lot, but consistent and enough to help make ends meet. The time is great b/c it doesn't interfer with anything else. When he gets back he gets the kids up, etc. and off to school. You could probably even take your LO with you if needed, they don't care as long as the papers are delivered. I don't know what size city you're in if that's an option or not, just one creative solution a family has put to use.

    Another option, cleaning houses. I have a friend who does this to enable her to have a part time job, she controls the hours too. She has all her clients word of mouth and she makes very good money. It's great b/c she has daytime hours, most people want their house cleaned while they're at work, etc. You could take on as many or as few clients as you like, from her experience people want someone they can trust in their homes. Once she had a few good clients, she was amazed how quickly her list grew b/c a friend recommended her and that kind of thing.
    Last edited by LunaticLibrarian; November 6th, 2007 at 09:26 AM.

    My Little Reverse Cyclers
    *DS born July 2006, nursed 3 yrs 10 mos!
    *DD born January 2011, happily nursing and bucking the bottle just like big brother
    *One Angel baby we sadly never met July 2009

    Happily married to an amazing man who puts up with all my craziness since 1999.


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    1,721

    Default Re: I have to decide...

    Well, I did it. I went in before opening, got my check and told my boss that this Thursday is covered by the new girl, and that I was giving her my 2 week notice. I also told her I'm not on the schedule for the next two weekends so it'll give them time to either find someone to replace me, or at least cover my hours. She was devastated. She hated to hear it since as she said "You're the best waitress we have!" That was a bit of a boost for me, since my MIL also works there and has for like 10 years...Granted countless customers have told me they don't care for any other waitress but me - that they only stick around down there because I'm their waitress. If someone else is waiting on them they leave a lot sooner. I've even been complemented by the national aux. president recently. So I know I'm good at what I did, but my LO has to come first.

    I gave her my name tag and told her I'd get my shirts in asap since they weren't dry and having to hang to dry since the dryer wasn't hooked up yet (DH got that done last night thank goodness). She told me if things change and Jasmine starts taking a bottle, let them know because they don't want to lose me. I told her it may just be temporary and somewhere down the road I will probably try to come back. She is hoping it's right away but that's not realistic.

    I may try the Ebaying stuff idea... I have some things that tend to stay packed when we have moved, some stuff hasn't been out of storage in almost 10 years.... scarey!

    I expected a call from my MIL asking why I quit, but so far she's not bothered... then again her and I don't talk a whole lot, outside of work that is. Heck, DH and her only really talk when it's about insurance (she's our insurance agent lol)

    It hasn't really hit me that I'm no longer employed, but it will most likely hit me the day after Thanksgiving, which was my next scheduled night. I'm sure a couple of the bartenders are happy I'm gone, but that's just because we had some clashes because unlike them, I feel my children come first - they both have the idea that their jobs should. But then again their children are a lot older too.

    ~*Allee*~

    Damon 8/5/99 Heaven 7/24/01 Jasmine 7/20/07

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    760

    Default Re: I have to decide...



    Congratulations on your decision!

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