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Thread: completely bummed

  1. #1
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    Nov 2006
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    Default completely bummed

    In a phone conversation tonight my husband found out that my MIL thinks D is "big enough" to be weaned now. She means old enough. I am just so down, it seems like the entire time i've been breastfeeding she has found some reason to NOT be supportive.
    And I don't understand why, she bf my husband for a year and her next son for 6mo. Her other kids are adopted. She even used a SNS (i think) with one of them.

    I don't feel like i have to defend my extended breastfeeding, and I'm not going to stop just b/c she doesn't "approve" or whatever, but I just feel like i could use some encouragement once in a while! Good grief, i'm doing what's best for my baby, after all.

    Just a bummer to feel like one of my big accomplishments is a failure to her, I guess. I'm not even sure if that's it, things are so jumbled right now inside me.

    Anyone else suddenly discover that someone close to you thinks you've gone "too far"?
    Thanks for listening.
    Stefanie, momma to

    deacon james 09.22.06

  2. #2
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    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: completely bummed

    It's so hard not to feel bummed when our family doesn't think we are doing right by our children, when we are actually trying to give them the very best that we can. I for one, know that I don't need my mom or mil's approval to bf my child, but it would make me feel so much better if they would pat me on the back and tell me that they think I am doing a wonderful job. Deep down, I do want to have the support and approval of the "moms" in my family, because there are so many others out there who can make you feel bummed.

    My husband's family will be here for Thanksgiving. I am guessing I will hear about how cow's milk is readily available and good for my one year old. My husband thinks they won't say a word. I bet they will be thinking it though. We will see.

  3. #3
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    Nov 2006
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    Default Re: completely bummed

    Quote Originally Posted by nbatti88 View Post
    I for one, know that I don't need my mom or mil's approval to bf my child, but it would make me feel so much better if they would pat me on the back and tell me that they think I am doing a wonderful job.
    Exactly! my mom is very supportive, but she's in OR and we're in IL.

    I guess i thought she would be proud of me and then the surprise that again, what I'm doing w/ my son is not good enough (for her).
    Stefanie, momma to

    deacon james 09.22.06

  4. #4
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: completely bummed

    Don't feel sad because someone close to you doesnt "approve" of your bf. Your lo is just over a year old, was she just expecting you to stop on the day he turned one? You are right, you are doing what is best and that is ALL that matters. I have found that I use the winter months as an excuse to keep nursing my lo- not that I need one, but it seems to ward them off from asking me. I just say, "Katie has never been sick and I contribute that to nursing, so I plan to nurse atleast through the cold/flu season, then we will see"

    Oddly enough, I don't bf in front of anyone anymore, so most of my family had thought I had stopped months ago. Some were surprised to find that I was still nursing (she wasnt even 1 at the time). My mom caught on when Katie found out that my mom had boobs too and started trying to lift her shirt up to nurse too. Now it is just funny to all of them- in a good way. My MIL is more leary and doesnt really talk about it with me. She always said she just couldn't imagine them doing that (nursing) to her, that is why she didnt' nurse her children. Oh, well.

    So 's and stay strong, your lo certainly will
    Last edited by @llli*preggoplus3; November 4th, 2007 at 09:14 AM.

  5. #5
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    Dec 2006
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    Default Re: completely bummed

    Quote Originally Posted by mooose5 View Post
    Just a bummer to feel like one of my big accomplishments is a failure to her, I guess.
    I know what you mean, it's so unfair to get criticized for doing the right thing. Is your DH on the same page, does he know all the reasons why it's good to keep nursing? Is he willing to try to educate her a little? You definitely shouldn't need to defend your parenting decisions, however if you do manage to get her to see that the current recommendations are different from what she thought, then she might be a lot more supportive and even pass on the knowlege to someone else.

    And by the way, you're doing a GREAT JOB!!
    Erin (32), breastfeeding CLW, knitting cloth-diapering crocheting, heirloom tomato-growing philosophizing poker-playing feminist artist mama to my 19 month old daughter! Baby #2 due January 2009.


  6. #6
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    Nov 2007
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    Smile Re: completely bummed

    Both my mom and mil are supportive of my bfing, but my sil tells me all the time how it is way past time to stop. I've had a few friends who will ask about Emily's eating habits and give me the raised eyebrow look when they find out she is still nursing.

    I used to worry about getting everyone approval and it really bothered me if someone didn't agree with what I was doing and I even tried to change some things so they would. But I learned that some people aren't happy unless they are complaining. As soon as I would change one thing, she would find something else. I don't need that and neither do you! Just keep on doing the great job you are doing and know that you don't have to have their approval. You are giving your LO the best start in life you can! If it's good for my LO, then that's all I need to be concerned with. But I do agree - a little support and encouragement is always nice and appreciated! s
    Kirsten

  7. #7
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: completely bummed

    At one point my mom told me I had nursed C enough and that it was time to 'let it go'. It made me very sad! With that said now that I have pushed on and she has seen the bond that we have she is very supportive of extended nursing. I also found that her wanting me to stop coincided with when she stopped breastfeeding me. Sounds to be the same with you MIL.
    “Only with trust, faith, and support can the woman allow the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.” - Annie Kennedy & Penny Simkin

  8. #8
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    Nov 2006
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    Default Re: completely bummed

    thanks, everyone. great tips and stuff to think about.
    and i'm feeling over it but it was just such a shock at first.
    It's good to know i'm not alone! :O)
    Last edited by mooose5; November 5th, 2007 at 12:45 PM. Reason: nak!
    Stefanie, momma to

    deacon james 09.22.06

  9. #9
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    Jun 2007
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    Default Re: completely bummed

    I just wanted to add my sympathy (empathy?) as well. My MIL told me it was "OK" to stop BF'ing when DD was 2 days old! And she's even a nurse. Granted, she's an ER nurse, but I guess I just expect more from someone in the medical profession...Maybe that's wrong. It actually just made me want to succeed even more.
    Sarah- Mommy to Ally (4/16/06) , Katlyn (11/13/07) & Rebekah (10/21/09)
    All three, all natural!

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