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Thread: Watch out for grandmothers...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    Default Watch out for grandmothers...

    Just thought I'd share that my good old mom who is dying for me to give my 20 week old ds solids was over on Sunday and was holding him during dinner, and I looked over and there he was with a big chunk of bread in his hands and looking at it, thinking about what to do with it. I've never introduced anything yet. My mom played dumb about it. My husband was sitting closer to her and ripped the bread away (if he didn't, I would have!) and she said "oh I wasn't giving it to him, I didn't realize he was holding it". I just pretended to believe her because I wasn't interested in an argument, but how incredibly rude and inconsiderate to how I choose to do things. She said "couldn't he get oatmeal now?" and I said "he could, but he isn't" and that was the end of it. Then she said that chewing on bread is good for teething relief, and again I said "that may be, but he isn't getting any." I don't know whether to make an issue of this, of saying that it was rude of her to do that. Technically she introduced his first food, not me. She put solid food in his hands for the first time, even though he didn't eat it. She did this literally when I wasn't looking. Am I overreacting?
    I'm proud to be first woman in my family to breastfeed!
    cloth diapering convert!
    Loving the homemade baby food!

  2. #2
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    May 2007
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    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    I don't think you're overreacting. Last night on the phone my mom said she had made eggs on toast for supper, which was one of my favorite things as a kid, and that she was thinking how neat it was that now I could make it for Thomas. I said agreeably, oh yeah, won't that be neat, etc and she said, no-really--you can make it for him. I said, sure I will--when he can have eggs and wheat. Then there was silence. Lol. My family thinks I'm a worrywart about the food thing. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's a big deal.

  3. #3
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    Jan 2007
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    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    My mom thought that I was being mean for waiting until six months to give my dd solids. "She just wants one bite" and look at her watch you eat" is what I heard. Dd is now 27 months and grandma thinks that it is her right to give her treats (aka crap) everytime we visit even though she knows that I don't approve. So now dd runs into g-ma's house and starts looking in her "treat spot" for candy. It's really frustrating for me. I want to be in control of what my child eats. I don't think that you're overeacting. It's like our parents our undermining our parenting decisions. I don't really have any advice because my mom won't listen to me. She wanted to give dd one of those packaged chocolate donuts right before dinner last night & was dejected when I said no. I guess that you really have to assert yourself. Over and over and over. Sorry, I started rambling. It's a sore spot for me.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    I have a great relationship with my stepmom but we run into this issue sometimes. First, with the wanting to give babies under 6 mos. food..WHY are so many grandmas obsessive about this? I don't remember her saying anything about it when my kids were that age but she was going to give my (at the time) 5-mo. old neice a carrot to suck on "for teething" a couple of months ago and I almost bit her head off and said, "She cannot have a carrot! She has not had any solids yet and that is a choking hazard!" (My sister was busy and I had her back. ) My stepmom looked hurt but she got over it.
    She also used to try to feed my kids junk all the time (but my parents live 3 hours away from us so it wasn't very often). I had to put my foot down a few times but it was an ongoing thing. I have tried to be direct and clear without being mean, I think. I think she is finally getting it. Thankfully she has been on an organic/health food kick and that's helped a lot.
    Anyway, my point is that I think it's best to be totally direct and clear and if you are diregarded or your wishes are not followed, don't stand for it.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyb View Post
    Anyway, my point is that I think it's best to be totally direct and clear and if you are diregarded or your wishes are not followed, don't stand for it.


    I've found it helps to back up your wishes with quoting an expert source - either your pediatrician or the American Academy of Pediatrics. That way you're following the latest advice of experts rather than making it about what you want do do as a new mom vs. the years of experience of the grandmas.

    I say something like this:

    "You may not have realized it, but the latest recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics is exclusing breastfeeding for at least the first 6 months."

    And follow that by saying something like "They've done alot of research in the last X years and this is what the experts feel is the best for LO health."

    If you get as a response blather about what they did with their LO 20 or 30 or 40 years ago. You can smile and say "Yes, I know - but the recommendations have changed since then."


    ETA: this worked so well with my mom that then she ended up feeling guilty for doing "bad" things when we were babies, so I had to give her a hug and reassure her that she was following the best advice / recommendations that were available at that time
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  6. #6
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    Sep 2007
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    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    I'm sorry you're having trouble with your Mom I think you need to back up your objections with some facts..just be as nice about it as you can. Maybe a team effort to do what's best by your son/her grandson's health type thing might help?

    Mine is 3,500 miles away on a different continent, but after the conversations we've had about allergies and her unpleasant experience of my two older sisters needing slathered in moisturisers 3 times a day with their eczema and trips to the ER with their asthma, she is in complete agreement with me about what James can and cannot eat.

  7. #7
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    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    Last Thanksgiving there were several grandmas, greatgrandmas who were wondering if Mason could have anything besides boob-to which I told everyone in announcement style "if I catch anyone, see anyone, hear anyone giving Mason so much as a lick of a finger dipped in gravey, I will personally rip said finger off! End of story".

    No one gave him or asked to give him anything the rest of the day.

    Might be a little mean or rude, but when it comes down to it, you disrespect my DH and my wish to delay solids, where does it end?

    to your DH for taking the bread.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    509

    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    Thank you so much - it means a lot to hear I'm not overreacting and others feel similarly. I've worked so hard at exclusively bf for the first 6 months and there's only 4 weeks left to that goal, how dare someone come in and override that. It'd be one thing if my mother kept nagging or asking me over and over, I could handle that - its the total disregard for whether that's what I want. She knew what I'd say so she didn't ask first. I will take this advice and be very clear and upfront, and reference that's what the AAP says. Great idea for the forewarning about Thanksgiving - I have visions of my lo with mashed potatoes on his chin...
    I'm proud to be first woman in my family to breastfeed!
    cloth diapering convert!
    Loving the homemade baby food!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    8,272

    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    Quote Originally Posted by BabyChristopher View Post
    its the total disregard for whether that's what I want
    Stand firm! You're the mother so you (and hopefully DH together) have the final say on not just when and what your LO eats but so many other things.

    With my parents & inlaws - we're delighted to have them lavish lots of love on DS, but there are a handful of things that we say are totally non-negotiable. We make sure to be very clear and explicit with the grandparents about these items and tell them that we expect them to follow our wishes and reinforce what we are doing as parents.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Default Re: Watch out for grandmothers...

    Last Thanksgiving there were several grandmas, greatgrandmas who were wondering if Mason could have anything besides boob-to which I told everyone in announcement style "if I catch anyone, see anyone, hear anyone giving Mason so much as a lick of a finger dipped in gravey, I will personally rip said finger off! End of story".


    For OP - is there time to introduce dairy-free, salt-free mashed potatoes before Thanksgiving? That might help things blow over easier?

    My little guy is a champ with his solids. We're going on a trip for Thanskgiving. I'm taking a little hand-crank food processor and will be puree-ing up Thanksgiving dinner at the table. (Well, the turkey, mashed 'tatoes, peas and maybe even pumpkin pie (no crust)! )

    FYI - DS will be almost 8 mo old at Thanksgiving. He already seems to be able to tolerate the small amounts of dairy used in cooking, but no wheat/gluten for him because of family history of celiac disease.

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