I dont even know what to write, Im just sitting here in tears. This whole breastfeeding thing had gone horribly wrong for me. Ever since DS turned 4mo its has been one thing after another..it has been a constant struggle to get him to drink milk. First he started refusing my breasts. I was heartbroken. I could only bf him lying down and when he's asleep. Eventually that stopped working too except during the night. He would only bf a few times during the day and they didnt last more than 2 minutes. Then the ped said he was a bit small, so I finally had to let go of trying to bf him and started pumping. At 6 mths old, he was only taking 0.5-1.5oz per feeding, and a total of 6-8oz during the day. He would scream and cry and fight to get out of my arms everytime I try to feed him the bottle. I never gave up, I continued pumping and feeding him, everyday recording how many oz he took. Recently I have been so happy. I have managed to increase his total from 6-8 to 13-16oz. I finally felt that I have a normal baby again, one who "drinks" and enjoys milk (even this was a struggle, it has to be at certain time of the day, certain conditions, sometimes when nothing works I have to just put him in the car and drive him around the block a couple of times while feeding him). But for the past 4 days, he had gone from 16oz of BM to 4oz to 3oz and today, none at all. Maybe its just the cold he's having, or maybe he's teething, I dont know. But Im so tired of trying to get him to drink milk. And today, I also found out that I have excess lipase problem and that I need to scald my milk.
I feel like giving up. Its not a question of BM vs formula for me, I do supplement whenever I dont have enough. The problem here is when he refuses to drink milk, its any kind of milk. Im supposed to be pumping right now, but I dont know what for. Why do I pump when my baby is contented with drinking just water all day? Im so tired.