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Thread: More pressure from family- a rant

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default More pressure from family- a rant

    I'm preaching to the choir here, but my dh and my mom and my ped have all jumped on the "it's time to wean" bandwagon. DS is 19mo and allergic to dairy and soy. I never expected to bf past 1 year but I kinda like it and it's obvious he needs the nutrition. His growth is fine but he is wayyyy disinterested in solid food. Will eat oatmeal, pasta, cookies and jarred baby food and not a lot else. I bf at night (we co-sleep alot of the time) and pump during the day (though I don't send it to d/c...I use it for his oatmeal) and, quite frankly, I'm sick of the pumping. Dh thinks if I weaned, the boy would sleep better (he's horrible at it) and my mom thinks if I weaned, the boy would eat more solids (which he won't), and the ped is just amazed at my elimination diet and pumping regimen. But, siggggghhhhh, there is a voice in my head that wonders if any of my family's concerns are true or if they are self-motivated. DH thinks the boy will be too attached to mommy if he doesn't wean soon and tonight my mother used the word 'oedipal.' Can you believe? So what do I do? I'd LOVE to nightwean but can;t get up the nerve to give the Jay Gordon method a shot. I'd love to not nurse to sleep but it works so darn well that I don't want to mess with that either. Will my boy ever grow disinterested in bf on his own????

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    Smile Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    Have you thought of giving him solids at night time instead, whenever he wakes up for a breastfeed. It's sounds like he's maybe got into having a habit of having a night time appetite rather than having a day time appetite and his eating body clock's wrong.
    Maybe by doing this will drum the message into him, that food is now the list not breastfeeds? This is just a wild shot in the dark suggestion. If this works, maybe you can slowly swing/bring the night time food around into day light hours? How many meals is he on in the daytime? When your son is on 3 meals per day, you can then feel better about stopping his night time breastfeed, by offering him water instead, knowing he can't be hungary. Have you considered trying 'sleep training'? It's best to practice this in the day first.

    Is his dairy allergy a permanent life time thing, sometimes babies do grow out of this? You could arrange to have some medical tests done on this, if there is such a thing? I am not clued up on the allergies side of things!

    What does 'odiepal' mean? Sorry I am a bit of a dumb one!

    I still nurse my 15 month old to sleep, I think a breastfeed at bedtime is a lovely way to end the day. She's on 3 meals and 2 snacks per day, and is still waking up for a breastfeed during the night out of habit. But it's only once a night, so I don't mind that.

    I hope my advice helps, if not, I hope this would as least give you some ideas about the way of how to go about things. You can breastfeed for as long as you like.
    I do think your family maybe a little bit right, in what they are trying to say to you. x
    Last edited by Milkmaid; October 18th, 2007 at 05:12 AM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Default Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    sometimes just less co-sleeping helps them to nurse less at night.
    If its bugging you change it.! Don't let others pressure you into something that you don't want to do.
    Night weaning doesn't mean sleep all night.. it just means your up longer to get child to go back to sleep and its tons more work!
    Your guy is young yet and with the allergies breastmilk is best for his tummy!
    Do you have a local LLL leader to talk to?
    OR even beter a group to go to?
    LOts of moms don't find thier local group untill their baby is much older then a newborn and they need the extra support that knowing other nursing moms offers.
    You can do what works best for your toddler and you! and don't feal guilty about it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    Smile Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    The child is waking because of his disinterest solids. Co-sleeping is an easier way of dealing with his hungar at night, because it's is very hard work feeding a hungary baby at this age. There no need to wean from the completely breast though just try and replace some of his usual breastfeeds with food. Once he knows it's that or nothing, he will start eating more. Breast milk is vital for him especially if he has a dairy allergy.
    Last edited by Milkmaid; October 18th, 2007 at 05:28 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006

    Default Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    With a baby that is allergic to both dairy and soy, I'd be very hesitant to wean. Studies have shown that the biologically normal age for humans to wean is likely between age 2 1/2 and 7 years. Therefore, I feel like babies really need milk nutritionally until at the very least age 2 1/2. The best milk is, of course, breastmilk. But, since most people in western culture wean before that biologically normal time, they substitute either cow's milk or soy milk for the breastmilk. You wouldn't be able to do that.

    To address some of your DH's concerns, have you tried showing him some information about the benefits of extended BF? Here is a good link if you aren't already familiar with it: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

    It does sound like you would like to change some things about your situation, though (you are tired of pumping and so much night nursing). Maybe you could try some things that would ease those problems but allow you to continue breastfeeding. I don't know what your work schedule is like, but maybe if you added a few daytime nursing sessions, you could stop pumping during the day. You could do something like nurse first thing in the morning, right after work, and then before bed. That would be three good sessions. Then maybe you could work on night weaning if you wanted to. Three nursings a day would still be a good amount of breastmilk for you LO.

    It is possible to keep a bedtime nursing without actually nursing to sleep. You could change the bedtime routine around a bit, and nurse earlier, making sure he stays awake. Then do a book or cuddles or something after the nursing and try putting him to sleep with backrub or songs. *Sometimes* babies will wake to less often when they don't actually nurse to sleep.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2006

    Default Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    We have noticed that children not weaned before their time are:

    more independent and self-confident
    Gravitate to people rather than things
    Are easier to discipline
    Experience less anger
    Radiate trust
    From http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/T026400.asp

    This info might be worth sharing with DH.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    Talking Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    To the above that's is absolutely true, I agree with you on that. My 3 year daughter is lovely!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2006

    Default Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    Pretend your child is NOT nursing. Then look at the behavior you'd like to change. Nursing is beside the point. If you don't want to wean and he doesn't want to wean.. then you shouldn't wean. But if the night waking or co-sleeping or something else is bothering you, address it, but don't let anyone blame it on the fact that you are nursing. Maybe it IS our fault that our kids keep waking up because we feed them or cater to them or in some way reward the waking and have not encouraged more independence at night. I don't really see this as a "mistake," but if one did, then you can see that a non-breastfeeding family could easily make that same mistake without the breast. Nightweaning and all out weaning did nothing for my child's sleep issues. Right now she's hooked on having an adult arm under her head. I babysit a kid who needs an old, nasty stuffed animal. Only that one. If they accidentally leave it at my house they need to come back across town to get it when they discover it's missing at bedtime. We CANNOT lose that toy. I'm glad my kiddo was hooked on the breast at your kid's age. Can't lose a breast.

    My child was about that age when I started to enforce some nursing limits. It's a good age to learn limits, but they will FIGHT it. I made the first limit for my dh.. I was am still am the primary care provider and he hasn't had a lot of say.. but when he felt strongly that dd needed to stop going to me and my breast to avoid ANYTHING she didn't feel like doing, I reluctantly and defensively looked at our situation and had to agree that a few limits would be healthy. Once we had them established, everyone backed off about the weaning because nursing no longer seemed at the root of our "problems," which are typical toddler issues regardless of nursing. Like not wanting to sit at the table at meal times.. Many kids go through this, but mine would ask to nurse at meal times. And I'd let her nurse because I was so used to nursing on demand and it had become a part of our routine to nurse her five minutes into meal time. So No nursing while mommy was eating was our first rule. This was a good one because when we first introduced it, I could scarf down my meal while she threw her tantrum (not to be blamed on breastfeeding but on being a toddler!) and then nurse her back to sanity when I was done. Then she accepted it and I'd eat more slowly. Well, then she'd get bored and hungry and just eat because that's what everyone else was doing. She wouldn't eat a LOT, because she wasn't growing much at that age, but she did get into the habit of eating with the family. When guests at other people's houses or at a restaurant, I'd just keep a plate with some food on it and she wouldn't ask to nurse! Once dh could see her practicing self restraint and maturing in all the ways a daddy wants his little one to mature (with such impatience sometimes) he was again supportive about our nursing relationship... at least for another year or so.. heheh.. She DID get to be a big nursling.

    But he and I were both VERY happy with things in the end. For while I limited and limited until she was hardly nursing at all, SHE was the one who ended it, which I feel was great for her self-esteem and showed my little world that one day, a kid is simply ready. And imagine the sense of independence a child gets when she says, "I just don't need that anymore." I have yet to see the kid with the stuffed animal do it.. her six year old sister still feels she needs HER raggedy thing too. But my girl only chooses to grab her toothbrush and a change of clothes when I send her off to grandma's for the night.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Not around here as much :(

    Default Re: More pressure from family- a rant

    FTR my DS (16 mo) is also allergic to dairy. Not that I planned to wean him myself, I always figured we'd BLW, but because of his allergy I am more determined to carry on until he weans.

    He eats lots of solids though.. is has made zero effect on his night waking, nor his frequency in nursing during the day. He wakes about 2-3 times during the night on average and nurses about 12 times during his awake hours.

    Ignore your mother and doctor and discuss it with your DH - find out what his actual concern is.

    I ay listen to your heart and worry about the real things that matter...
    he WILL wean eventually!!!

    While I generally hate wikipedia - it serves its purpose here...
    Here's a link to a definition of oedipal complex for the pp that asked
    Last edited by Number3; October 19th, 2007 at 12:49 PM.
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