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Thread: weaning sadness

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    1

    Unhappy weaning sadness

    I have asked my local leader about this and she sugessted posting my problem here. My son is now 4 yrs old and has been weaned since April '05. He was down to only nursing at night to go to sleep. I had read ALL of the weaning books. I was three months pregnant with our 2nd child and had very little milk left and considerable pain. One night my husband (who is more pro bf than I am) said enough was enough (since my son and I were both crying). That was the end of our bf. He seemed to adapt pretty well and only asked a couple of times but was easily distracted. I had deceided not to tandem nurse. To complicate problems we were having work done on our house and were living with my mother in law for 5 months. My daughter was born in September and several times now my son has burst into tears saying how he misses nursing and how it was his special thing. I even let him try to nurse again but he has forgotten how. I stay with him every night till he falls asleep and try to have special days just for him. How can I help him through this? Shouldn't he be accepting the end of bf by now? I am afraid I have somehow messed up. I just want my happy boy back. Do we need professional help? I would love to hear from anyone who has gone through this and had a happy ending.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: weaning sadness

    my son and daughter are 2 years appart. I had the pain you talked about and weaned my older one when I was pg.. We didn't tandem nurse either, He asked a few times and I just said that it was for the baby now and he was fine with that. I think you just have a realy smart little boy on your hands.
    try not to second guess your self. You did what was best at the time.
    4 is a realy hard age, My 4 year old son still cries alot too, bed time is a battle almost every night. Does he just give you trouble at night? Normal 4 year old stuff. IT sounds like you are dealing with it well if your spending extra time with him.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    153

    Default Re: weaning sadness

    I know the pain you are feeling, however I cannot begin to understand how powerful it must be, with the breastfeeding relationship you had with your son being triple the length of ours. It sounds like you had a lot on your plate and you were just trying to do the right thing. Honestly, I don't see any harm in letting your older child try to nurse again- if you are comfortable with it. but if that is no longer an option, you will need to just give him extra attention. Maybe even try getting him more involved with his sibling by pumping some milk and letting him feed the baby. Also, there is such a thing as post-weaning depression. Your hormones are probably all haywire right now and you need to balance out. I hope you feell better!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1,168

    Default Re: weaning sadness

    I suspect that if your son wasn't around a nursing baby all the time, he wouldn't be talking or thinking about nursing himself, this long past his weaning.

    You did an awesome thing in nursing him to the age of three, and you did nothing wrong in giving his final weaning a little nudge. Many children wean during their mother's pregnancy -- remember, even LLL says that breastfeeding is a relationship and that nobody but the nursing dyad can know when is the right time to wean.

    My 4yo son -- who is brilliant, the light of my life, I absolutely adore him, so please don't take this the wrong way -- he tries every trick under the sun to manipulate me into doing what he wants. He tells bald-faced lies and shows no shame at being found out. He argues like a lawyer, except he doesn't follow any rules of logic that I can see. He's a 4yo, in short.

    I'm not disputing the fact that your son gets sad and upset. That is genuine. But it's not about being weaned at this point -- it's about having a new little sister and sharing his mother with her. That's a big adjustment for a child to make, and by sharing special alone time with him, you are doing a lot to help him feel connected to you. Soon your daughter will be old enough that he'll start to have more fun with her, too.

    When he starts up with "I miss nursing, it was OUR special thing," then you can respond lovingly with some of your own happy memories of his babyhood and your nursing relationship. My son LOVES the stories about when he was a baby. Our talking about it seems to help him make peace with the idea that he once was a baby and now is a big boy.

    --Rebecca

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