Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    133

    Unhappy Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    I am not sure if this is the appropriate place for this topic. And, I am not looking for answers exactly. I think I more or less need to vent a little.

    My daughter will not take a bottle, and she will not drink bm out of a glass. She continues to wake up every couple hours to nurse, and completely freaks out if anybody goes into the bedroom besides me to comfort her. She is also a very clingy child, which my husband feels is because she is breastfed and always worn for easier nursing. Given all of this, my daughter has never been with a babysitter. In fact, she has never been with my husband for more than an hour. For the last 10 months, I have had my daughter basically attached to me at all times. I can't go out by myself, I can't go out with friends unless with the baby, I can't go out with my husband, and I can't go out period after 8:00 because she is a very light sleeper.

    Given all this, it never really bothered me before. But, last Wednesday was my birthday. My husband and I had to go to a trade show. He had to set up the booth, so I didn't see him all day. That night, he had to go to a business party which I really wanted to go to. I hate eating by myself, so I got room service and stayed in the hotel all night while he went out and had fun.

    I felt my husband could have done something to make me feel better about being alone. He gave me an unwrapped ugly watch from Costco in the 5 minutes we did see eachother.

    Breastfeeding never bother me before. But, I feel so completely isolated now. I want to go out so badly. I have never been the homebody type before. But, now I am forced to be because my daughter can't be without me for more than an hour.

    My husband gave me no sympathy, but told me that I'm her mother and she needs me. I think I need somebody to understand that my birthday really sucked, and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I think I just need someone to say I'm sorry your feeling this way, and it will get better.:

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    "I'm sorry you're feeling this way & it will get better" (((hugs))))

    I'm sorry your dh is not being more helpful/understanding... it is hard no matter what for a babies first few years - that's just the nature of being a mom regardless of how clingy they are LOL but a little help from our partners sure goes a long way!

    Have you sat down and told him how upset that made you?


    oh and happy birthday!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    ugg the story of my life.. I can tell you that it is going to get better as your baby gets older. I Have 4 kids ages 16,9,4,2 and the hardest part is newborn to 2.. I can finaly leave my 2 year old with daddy for an hour or two.
    Do you go to lll meetings? That realy helped me when I added my last 2. I just take my newborn were ever I need to go, untill they are about 2 then I can leave them with hubby or somebody else for a short period of time.
    babies grow so fast before you know it shes going to be going to school and not needing you so much!
    my hubby gives realy bad gifts too, go out and get yourself something nice just for you!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    133

    Default Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    Thanks! I went to the meetings when my daughter was younger. Lately, she cries during the meetings because she would prefer doing something else.

    My husband generally is supportive. It was just a stressful weekend for him with the trade show, and he "forgot" how to make me happy. I think my isolated feeling has been creeping up on me for awhile. I feel like I lost some friends because they don't understand why I don't go out anymore. Some of my friends have kids, others do not. But, I am the only one who has bf. And, I joined a playgroup for my daughter, but it seems to be more for her. I no longer have those friends I can call upon anytime. Plus, I used to work 80+ hours per week until the day I went into labor. So, I guess it finally caught up with me how much I miss my old life. I wouldn't give up my daughter for anything in the world, I love her so much. But I kind of feel like a nonperson. My world now is taking care of my baby. And, because she is so dependant on lactation, I have full responsibility for her.

    Am I just being whiny????????????????????? I guess I need to take my husband's advice and accept my life as is and get over it.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    21

    Default Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    I understand isolation. I have 8m twin boys. First the extremely uncomfortable pregnancy then the non-stop work of twins it's been about 2 years since we have been out with friends.
    Why do you feel you can't call any of your old friends? They would probably be happy to hear from you and know that you still would like to keep up your relationship even if it will be a different kind. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. It's somewhat normal to feel like you are feeling. I know I went through it, motherhood is hard.
    And the problem with your husband just seems to be communication. Don't assume he knows everything you are going through. Let him know how you feel and how you would like to feel. He probably just doesn't know how to help but maybe if you gave him some suggestions he would be willing to try. He may be going through some of the same feelings. He doesn't have you anymore and is probably missing you too.
    Sorry your birthday sucked.

  6. #6

    Exclamation Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    Due to the nature of this thread, we are moving it from this forum ("Caregiver Issues") to the forum "Infant Breastfeeding Questions". I'm sure more people will see the post there, and so there will be more answers!

    Thank you for your understanding.
    Shannon
    LLL Leader

    Protect your privacy online; don't use your full name. Click My Alias at the top left corner.

    I'm horrible at html and encoding links, so I apologize in advance for all the long links!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    863

    Default Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    :-( I"m sorry you are feeling this way. One of my friends had the great idea of a "Happy Hour" play date. Have it at 4:00 and crack open a bottle of wine to share with the other mothers, if you feel comfortable having a glass and BF. I have never taken part but once in a while it may make you feel a little better. Can you meet friends for coffee if dh watches the baby? Also...try mommy and me yoga or exercise class-- it can be social and get you and your baby's blood flowing. My weekly yoga always gets my spirits up and makes me feel more centered.

    Perhaps you miss the intellectual stimulation of your 80+ work week. Maybe take the one hour you can get away and attend a lecture. Do you have an expertise you could teach for an hour a week at a local community center? I have found that teaching my weekly theater classes helps keep my brain from feeling atrophied.


    I hope you feel better soon. If it helps, you are truelydoing what is best for you and your baby. At the end of your life this time will be just a short moment and you will be glad for it.
    Kristie L.
    LLL Leader
    (the poster formerly known as fezzik812)
    Wife to Brett, Mommy to Seamus (5.1.05), and Emelie (1.18.08)
    "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Ghandi

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    222

    Default Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    I can commiserate. Sometimes I feel like my husband couldn't care less about me, or that he's just clueless (when I'm mad at him, I always assume it's because he doesn't care!). It is really hard doing everything for baby, and breastfeedign can make it seem worse since that's something daddy just can't do. FWIW, my husband & I actually finally talked about why we were always at each other's throats, and I was able to explain how hard it is and to have to go to bed at 8 with the baby and have him stay up for hours, and come down in the a.m. and have it just as messy as when I went to bed doesn't help. Now he's started at least tidying up when I go to bed. He's tried a few times to get DD to sleep for me (I almost always have to go take over, but at least it's a start), and I'm really trying to re-connect with friends. I'm working a few days a week now, which in some ways helps in that respect, but in others makes it harder since I rush thru everything at work so I can get home as early as possible. But it's a start.

    When my husband & I fight now, we almost always try to be silly about it, making up stupid names for each other and doing really insulting impressions of each other. But at least we usually end up laughing instead of screaming or crying! I am looking forward to the day when we actually feel like we can remember why we got married, though! We're already fantasizing about dropping the last kid off at college and heading off on our around-the-world cruise.

    I always try to remind myself that this whole deal is tough on him too, and even though I can't always see his side of the story, I try to remember that he has one at least. Hang in there, somehow people have been doing this for thousands of years! There's got to be a way!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    12

    Default Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    I am so glad to hear I am not the only one with similar feelings. I know not all of my isolation is related to BF, at least not at this point, but there were times when it was very frustrating to feel like I never had a free moment. I hope it is okay for me to "vent" here as well. I worked part-time from the time my son was 3 months until 6 months, and was pretty miserable, and with my husband's support, I am now a full-time stay at home mom. I had a few close friends who were SAHMs as well, or at least supportive of the idea, but about 6 months ago, we moved to another state, where I don't really know anybody. (I have 2 cousins in the area, but both are about 45 minutes away in opposite directions, and have their own busy lives.) To top it off, we only have one car now, which I can have pretty much whenever I like--I just have to drop my husband off and pick him up from work. We are working on finding a church, but other than that, I haven't made any new friends yet. I know to some degree I need to take a little more initiative. I, too, have resented that my husband can stay up as late as he wants and sleep in as late as he wants (on weekends) and yet I never get a day off. We are now down to just one nursing session a day, so I thought that would help a little, but it hasn't. We don't really have anyone to babysit, and even if we did, we can't go out very often because we only have one income now. And, if we do go out and we're up late, and for some reason the baby doesn't sleep well, I'm the one who has to deal with it, of course. I do respect that my husband is working very hard so I can stay home and take care of the baby and any that come along later, but I do feel very frustrated at times. Thanks for letting me get that out!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    4

    Wink Re: Isolation when breastfeeding.............

    It's great to read all of these! I totally resent the fact that my husband can sleep in on a weekend -- I'm up a lot at night bfing, and am happy to do it, but just once I'd love to have four hours of sleep all to myself!
    As for the isolation, is there a mommy's group you can go to? I go to a breastfeeding group and let me tell you, it makes all the difference! I wouldn't have survived without the ability to commiserate with like-minded women! Some people in the mommy group meet outside of it and go walking or just hanging out. It's nice. I find that a lot of my friends just don't get what it's like to have a baby...most of them haven't had them -- generally are still in grad school and not ready. But I do find that there's now a difference in priority between me and them, and it doesn't really bother me so much right now. Maybe it will later on, and then I'll post again here! Good luck, sorry about your birthday -- remember, you are a person who has needs just like anyone else, all the more special because you're the number one reason why another human being is alive right now. Is that enough of a pep talk?! Made me feel better....

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •