I think this problem, this feeling of being torn is more common than we think. Lots of women don't seem to want to voice this feeling. Unfortunately, the more educated a woman is the more likely she is to want to breastfeed or pump, since the benefits are irrefutable (at least in my own experience.) Sadly, the greater the education the more likely she is to have a career and other ambitions. A catch 22.
I try very hard not to squeeze the "me" out of my life. My mother was an incredible full time mom for almost 25 years and it has been very dificult for me to watch her struggle with returning to the work force, redefining herself after so many years as a full time mom. I try and remind myself of my mom's struggle to find herself when I question my own plan to continue working PT and stay involved in the theatre, etc since Emily has been born.
I think if we stumbled on an answer to how to balance a job and a family we could quit our jobs and retire on the fat cash from our book deal and our Oprah appearances!