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Thread: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

  1. #11

    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

    I think this problem, this feeling of being torn is more common than we think. Lots of women don't seem to want to voice this feeling. Unfortunately, the more educated a woman is the more likely she is to want to breastfeed or pump, since the benefits are irrefutable (at least in my own experience.) Sadly, the greater the education the more likely she is to have a career and other ambitions. A catch 22.

    I try very hard not to squeeze the "me" out of my life. My mother was an incredible full time mom for almost 25 years and it has been very dificult for me to watch her struggle with returning to the work force, redefining herself after so many years as a full time mom. I try and remind myself of my mom's struggle to find herself when I question my own plan to continue working PT and stay involved in the theatre, etc since Emily has been born.

    I think if we stumbled on an answer to how to balance a job and a family we could quit our jobs and retire on the fat cash from our book deal and our Oprah appearances!
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    222

    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

    Kelly Ann, I agree it is funny how the more educated you are the more likely you are to BF. I have read alot of the posts here and some of the careers these ladies have and they are very high level. Myself, I have two AAS degrees, working on a BS and work full time as a Battle Simulations Database Analyst. As an educated woman, I did alot of reading on BF, which lead me to my decision. Too many people, now of days, don't take the time to educate themselves. And I don't necessarily mean college, I also mean to educate by simply reading their local paper or read articles on the internet.

  3. #13

    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

    You just reminded me of a girl I met at a LLL meeting, she was young, 17 or 18, and passionate about bf. She was so afraid to do the wrong thing and fulfill society's expectations of her that she read and read and read. She said several times that she oculdn't imagine not breastfeeidng and didn't understand why more moms don't. Interesting converstaion was sparked - sometimes the more "experienced" moms might be the less well read. We all reassuredher that her life inexperience woudl not hold her back as long as she educated herself.

    A vote for reading the newspaper! I am afraid by the time our kids grow up there won't be real newspapers, certainly by the time our children's children grow up. I thought about that when I saved the paper from the day dd was born. Wonder if someday her kids will want to know why someone "printed out" the whole paper...
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

  4. #14
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,073

    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

    I relate sooo much to the struggle of work and career that I'm stalling going back to work when I really need to be back already!! I have a 13 year old daughter. After having her I returned to work in 8 weeks. Didn't think twice about it. Since then have put in 60+hours per week. (Tax seasons). This time around I had dd in February and have yet to return to work. Lucky for us my hubby is able to maintain the family on just his income. We've had to cut back a lot. I just don't have it in me to get back to work yet. I can't imagine leaving her in dc. I did not bf my first (young mama) maybe that is part of it. When I do go back I hope I'm able to focus.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    222

    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

    My son was also born in Feb and I am now back to work after a three month maternity leave. I was stressed about going back and spoke to my husband about my fears. He said not to worry, it will all work out. It sounds wishy washy but he was right, it all worked out. As I remind myself sometimes "God would not give us more than we can handle".

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

    There is not nearly enough discussion about this! Here's my take; After WAITING and PUTTING OFF having children for YEARS(I've been married for 11yrs) to get where I was going careerwise, it seems to me that we as women in this country (America)get sold a bill of goods. The one that says "You CAN have it all". LIES.
    After working my whole life (On a payroll since 14 and babysitting since 11) & always having my self worth way more wrapped up in what I brought home than I like to admit, I was so PROUD of myself for putting myself in a position to be home with DS for 6months. Having always worked, taking off six months seemed like a lifetime! Certainly long enough to be done with the pesky but obviously nessacery task of breastfeeding! I thought he'd be weaned by then for sure! Who wants to deal with pumping at work? Not me! HA! What did I know? When faced with putting him in daycare that was not my family, or the idea that he's be rolling over for the 1st time or saying his 1st words to someone else, I wanted to come out of my skin. I began to see what a deception it really is. The longer we as women focus on our careers and put off children, the longer we spend as DINKS.(Double Income NO KIDS) Households. So we set up our mortgages and household expenses on two incomes not to mention running up our own debt!(Why not? We make our own money?) If your household is set up on two incomes you need two incomes. It's not a choice and realizing that after bringing a new precious life into the world makes me a little bitter. Another thing that no one has mentioned here is the the added cost of daycare and how frusterating it can be to realize you'll have to go back just to pay for it?!?!? What kind of sense does that make?
    Now granted every fiber of my being says SAHM. So I clearly did'nt have the passion of the woman who started this thread or the professor and to women who truly have careers they think are worth balancing. To those women I say You ARE SUPERWOMEN!!! Me, I'm going to spend the summer living off savings and taking my son to teeny swim lessons! I'll reevluate going back @ 8months...if I can find a way to make it work for a year I'm going to. (We may sell our home and buy one with an inlaw so my Mother can come and take care of my son. Only way I'm really going to feel OK about it and it'll actually cost less to take care of her than put him in daycare full time). So I think we all just have to count our blessings. I'm grateful I'm able to put it off. If I were you I would be greatful I loved my job. Because if I had to go back now I would hate it. It sounds like you don't and that truly is a blessing! Keep up the great work ladies! And I mean all of you! No matter what you do it's WORK. It takes focus and comittment either way. In fact I think we're ALL superwomen. You have to be to be a MOM!

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    18

    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career? (academic)

    Oh, it is so good to read these posts. As an academic, too, I feel both blessed that I have such a flexible job and cursed because I could work twice as many hours as I work and still not be done. Having spent many years in training, I love my job - I don't want to stay home. (In fact, at this point in my life, I am the financial support for our family, so I couldn't stay home if I wanted to.)

    Having said all that, I've been really surprised at how much my schedule has changed (a lot fewer late nights working because 1) I want to be home for my daughter and 2) I need the sleep; a lot less working on the weekends). I'm still exhausted and still struggling with how much work is "enough."

    I don't think much about my situation would change if I weren't still nursing, though. She (20 months) only nurses first thing in the morning and just before bed now. If I'm not home when she goes to sleep, she still goes down fine - she really only wants to nurse when I'm there.

    Quote Originally Posted by emilyw
    Hi, everyone,

    I relate to this issue! My daughter is almost two and nursing. I work "full-time", though I am a university prof., so the hours are pretty flexible and I can work at home quite a lot. I'm also a competitive person, and I have a hard time balancing my career against my family. I want to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. I adore her, we are very close, it is a great and important age in her life. I also want to spend as much time as possible reading, researching, teaching, writing my books. I know my husband sometimes feels squeezed out, because I'm always busy. For me, ambition did not disappear with the birth of my daughter. I know some people say one "should" try to work as little as possible while children grow up. I'm not convinced of that. It's not always true that "jobs are replaceable". If I don't write this book now, I may never. If I don't publish now, I won't get tenure. Waiting five years isn't really an option if I want these things at all. And if I'm not true to my own desires and ambitions, won't I set an example of fakery and masochism for my daughter? If I didn't really want to do the work, it would be different. So -- I don't think I have a lot of help or insight to give, but I hear you, and it's tough to weigh up these intense and contradictory desires! But here we all are, doing both. That's good in itself. And maybe the more women there are who try to be true both to their work and their children, minds and hearts, the easier it will get for our daughters. I think it would be great if more career structures and offices were flexible enough to allow for attached parenting, ebf, part-time work without loss of benefits and career advantages, all that. So we need to talk about it, and try to make it happen.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    10,440

    Default Re: Balancing Act - EBF and Career?

    Wow, I relate too, even though I put my career on hold to stay at home for a while. It was a difficult choice --I spent ten years and a lot of money studying, was in a very lucrative position, traveled a lot, was on the fast track to the top -- and I was somewhat stunned myself when I walked away.

    I work part-time now, basically whenever I want to. One of the local hospitals is in chronic need of help, and they call me whenever. If I'm not busy, I go.

    And I still sometimes feel torn when I head out the door to cover a few hours, and my son notices! I struggle with what I'm going to do when this new baby arrives. Stop working even part-time for a while? Pump and have some milk on hand for those few hours I'm out? Take the baby with me and try to see patients? Dunno. . . .

    But it's good to know I'm not the only one trying to figure out how to keep my brain and education current and be a good mom.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

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