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Thread: unable to night wean

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    206

    Default unable to night wean

    The last maonth i tried to night wean with no results at all. When my hausband goes when she cries she's crying mama, mama perhaps for 2 hours. When i go to make her sleep she can't stay in her crip. I really can't see her crying and shouting. It's the most sad thing i can see and i feel TERRIBLE. How did you do this?
    Lydia is 14 months. I BF her 2-3 times the day and i night BF her. The last 2 months she can't sleep in her crip at all. She sleeps with us. My problem is that i have to do an important surgery that i should have done months before and i postpone it because of Lydia. At least, i want her to be able to sleep with her father and be able to cope with my absence. The surgery has to be done until Christmas.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    18,063

    Default Re: unable to night wean

    maybe letting her nurse more in the day will help.
    thats a hard age to wean, there is only so much they can understand.
    you cann't reason with them.
    Do you want her fully weaned by christmas?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    1,048

    Default Re: unable to night wean

    Well, mine was a little older but she was just like that when I nightweaned. It was ugly. I don't feel like the best one to advise you because I think that nightweaning has gone much better for others. My dd was about two. I posted this story on another message board that's anti-cio and it got removed... so apparently I did CIO.. but I am not an advocate of CIO. Anyway, maybe you can learn from my mistakes and successes so I'll post it here.

    First I tied just telling her no and trying to get her to fall back to sleep in whatever other way I could. She cried for hours and fought me. I tried that "Dr. Jay Gordon's method." More crying, NO sleeping. Another approach (something I tried while dh was away) would be to lay there with baby in your bed and just refuse to move. Lay on your stomach maybe, and pretend to sleep. If you say anything at all, just keep repeating that she can nurse in the morning. It's time to sleep. Let baby cry but stay calm and firm. When I did this, she cried until she threw up. It turned out that she had an ear infection. That was a terrible weekend and I put off nightweaning for quite a while after that! Finally my husband acted as the voice of reason and pointed out that simply doing CIO would involve less crying than the things I was doing.

    So that's KIND of what we did. I let my husband do it his way. It's not exactly how I wanted it to go, but at least it worked and she wasn't ignored all night. I talked to her about it, role played with her, walked her through it over and over for a couple days before we actually did it. I stopped bringing her into bed during this time too. And when she woke at night I reminded her, "tomorrow, when you wake up, you'll need to fine another way to get back to sleep." She knew that I would come if she had to pee, but not for any other reason (other reasons often included, thirsty, booger (yes she used to ask me to pick her nose at night) and loneliness. The night we started the no nursing at night rule, she was able to tell me exactly what was going to happen. Well, you may be thinking that's great for a kid old enough to understand.. well understanding didn't matter one bit. She woke up and cried and wanted mommy. I did not go to her. I had left her that night with a sippy cup, a bandana and a stuffed frog. She of course got upset quickly. When she got worked up, daddy went to her, and as usual she told him to go away she wanted mommy. So he gently and patiently reminded her that mommy wasn't going to come until morning. He reminded her to take a sip, he laid her back down a few times, but didn't pick her up.. i don't think. She didn't want him anyway. She wanted to nurse. So he just talked her through it for the most part and kept leaving her alone. While she screamed to the point of choking, she never cried herself to sleep. She calmed down first. I'd hear her take a sip of water, lay back down and that would be it. While it was intense, she did not end up crying as long as she did when I was trying to comfort her in different ways. I'm sure that's because it was easier to give up on me when I wasn't even responding. The second night, we heard her wake and cry out a couple times but put herself back to sleep quickly. The next few nights she slept through the night. She had never done that before. When she went back to waking up at night, I was able to go to her and she was OK with not nursing (still asked but accepted "no" and a cuddle). Eventually she was able to climb out of bed and come join us at night - which has been the best arrangement so far. She takes care of herself but I can be there for her too.

    So I guess I'd say it helps to have dad nightwean the kid. For my kid, just having me around was like teasing her. But dad needs to be VERY patient and accept that the baby doesn't want him. Every time you give in you teach baby that crying harder is what's needed to win. Don't rescue your baby from her father. She should also learn that you trust dad to take care of her. MY problem was that I could NOT stay calm. I was tired, sad and angry and I did NOT want to be angry at her. This situation wasn't her fault. So I'd give in. It was better when I was sure about night nursing and when I was sure about night weaning. When I was unsure, we had bad nights. I felt that nursing her to sleep was the right thing for me because it helped me get to sleep at night and kept me civil at night as well. Fighting it before two made me an ugly mom some nights.

    Now before I nightweaned... I DID go away for a couple of nights and she was FINE! She knew I was gone and cried ONCE for a little while for me the first night but daddy walked her around the house and they probably fell back to sleep on the couch or something. HE was exhausted when I came home, but they both had a good time together and she wasn't traumatized or anything. So if you NEED a surgery and you'll just be away for a night or two, I say just do it. Just make sure dad can take time off and nap with the baby. They know that the rules are different when mom is gone. When I came back from my weekend away, she was NOT nightweaned and went right back to her usual routine. Until she was about two, like I said.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    206

    Default Re: unable to night wean

    Thank you all for your reply. Nightweaning is so hard. I postoponed it again. I can't let her cry. On the other hand my husband is totally against this let her cry method. If she starts crying he's going to run and pick her up. Of course she wants me and he takes her right after in the bed between us. So Lydia is sleeping between us and the last few days she has a really bad habbit. She wakes up, she says 'mam', she grabs my breast or take away my pyjamas, nurses for less than a minutes, turns on the other side and repeats the smae after 5' This can happen 30 times. When i say to her no or try to put her nurse more she cries.

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